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Thread: Getting fed up

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by teach
    Thanks, I did think that, but I thought the flirting and the sex chat does initiate the spark. Besides it was her who brought the sex chat up in the first place!
    Yes but there are different kinds of sparks and perhaps it was just an excuse -you barely know her and you're lucky that nothing bad happened having a drunk stranger to your home. If she was being truthful for you I could see where she felt enough of a spark to have sex but didn't feel you clicked to spend time together on a date.
    Sex chats and flirting before meeting have nothing to do with in person sparks.

    Also she might have met another guy in the couple of days and liked the sex more. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by teach
    Thanks, I did think that, but I thought the flirting and the sex chat does initiate the spark. Besides it was her who brought the sex chat up in the first place!
    Sometimes hot sauce can feel like a meal, until it feels like indigestion. That's basically dating.

    We think there's a spark—maybe because they're taking their clothes are off, maybe because they're also into talking about macroeconomics in developing countries until 3 am—and then it turns out to be, well, not so sparkly.

    Guess I'm just saying that I wouldn't get too strung out on this. It's one night, a few texts. Inhale, exhale, and keep exploring.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    But it was one date?

    It's okay. It didn't work out. Let this one go. Just wanted to add: It might seem confusing at first but try not to throw yourself into so much self-doubt after just one date. Someone who cares about you will actually take their time with you! Be glad she broke it off quickly. Onwards to greater things.
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; 09-15-2020 at 07:43 PM.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I used to work with a woman who instructed me to always have sex on the first date. According to her, I needed to find out if the guy was any good in bed right off the bat so I didn't waste my time dating a bedroom dud.

    I rolled my eyes at that. But maybe some people actually do that? I don't know. But I can guarantee if she did that with you she has done it with other men too.

    It was just one date and a bit of chat. This one wasn't a match so now you are free to look for the woman who is right for you.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by teach
    I find it hard to believe at 37 years old she was just after fun and having sex when she specifically said that is not what she was after.
    And yet, that's exactly what she did. Sure, she says she's not the sort of woman to have a one-night stand and blah, blah, blah. Her actions betray her.

    To be clear, I see nothing wrong with first-date sex if both parties are into it. I've done it myself, so no judgment there. But she's full of malarkey if she led you to believe she doesn't do that kind of thing. Obviously she does, and if she'd brought a change of clothes along on this first date? She'd intended to do it from the get-go.

    I think she's either got someone else on the go, and decided to dedicate more time to him, or what she meant is that she doesn't feel enough chemistry to want to date. Sexual chemistry is one things. It doesn't always translate into the sort of romantic chemistry that make dating the person an appealing option.

  7. #16
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    The fact she came pre-prepared with a fresh set of clothes meant she was at the very least hoping to have a one-night stand. The "joking" about coming back to yours was obviously testing the water. We often hear of men who say all sorts of things to women, get them in bed, then say they don't want a relationship or just disappear. I'm afraid there are women like that too and I think you unwittingly found one of them.

  8. #17
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    Thanks....you are correct I think. Her loss I guess 🙂

  9. #18
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Lesson one: Women like sex too and they will on occasion have sex with a guy that they may not want a relationship with.

    Lesson two: It is called dating, not relationshiping. Keep that in mind.

    Lesson three: People say one thing and do another all the time. She isn't interested in one night stands and yet she brought a change of clothes.

    Lesson four: Women get a lot of attention on dating apps so you are not the only guy she was chatting to. There could have been more sparks with another guy.

    Accepting this stuff can be hard but what else can you do? Become bitter?

    You had a good time, had sex twice so look on the bright side and stop trying to evaluate it or fix it. (common for men)

    I see this as a plus in several ways. You got her attention on the app and it proceeded to a date. That in itself is great so obviously you have some game.

    Chalk it up to some fun with no guilt. I wonder how many guys have had sex with a woman and then told them later they didn't feel a spark?

    Lost

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She wants to wash her hands of the fact that she had a one night stand. Something she obviously does but doesn't want to admit to.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I used to work with a woman who instructed me to always have sex on the first date. According to her, I needed to find out if the guy was any good in bed right off the bat so I didn't waste my time dating a bedroom dud.

    I rolled my eyes at that. But maybe some people actually do that? I don't know. But I can guarantee if she did that with you she has done it with other men too.

    It was just one date and a bit of chat. This one wasn't a match so now you are free to look for the woman who is right for you.
    Did we know the same woman? She'd do that then dump them if they weren't to her liking. The one she found who was awesome beyond belief was a married man she fell in love with. Then she blamed his suicide on how awful his wife was to him.

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