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Thread: How not to tell a guy that you live alone?

  1. #1
    Member snowpeachdoll's Avatar
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    How not to tell a guy that you live alone?

    Hi, so I've been exploring dating apps and I have been getting a lot of messages from guys there.
    One thing that is challenging for me to answer are questions like "who do you live with?" or "how many do you live with?" because to me, it's kind of predatory (please correct me if I'm wrong). Why are men asking these types of questions? Is there any way to politely decline or dock this question without sending a negative vibe? I'm merely there to get to know people first before I disclose these type of information as I value my safety and privacy.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    They just want to see if you live with your bf/ex or parents. It's also an indirect way to case you for income/home ownership etc.

    Just say a gf is staying with you for a while. Problem solved.

    It answers the question if they just want to know if you live with parents or one of these people who claim to be "emotionally separated" but still live with a partner or "ex". Make sure you ask them the same thing.

    This way when you feel confident enough it's easy to say your friend who was staying with you "for a while" has left.
    Originally Posted by snowpeachdoll
    One thing that is challenging for me to answer are questions like "who do you live with?" or "how many do you live with?" because to me, it's kind of predatory (please correct me if I'm wrong).

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Oops. I've asked that question and vice versa and didn't feel bad about it when asked. Yes, it's to get an idea of where another person is at in their lives or if they are as freely independent as I'd hope for them to be. I think asking it without meeting someone at all is a little awkward. That would probably send the wrong message and a greater likelihood it may be misinterpreted for something else.

    Do you mind me asking why you're a bit hesitant to let someone know you live alone? There are ways for phrasing these things. The above seems a bit crass or rough or the timing is really off. You don't have to invite anyone over at all or go for dates anywhere close to your house or where you live until you feel more comfortable.

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    Member snowpeachdoll's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Oops. I've asked that question and vice versa and didn't feel bad about it when asked. Yes, it's to get an idea of where another person is at in their lives or if they are as freely independent as I'd hope for them to be. I think asking it without meeting someone at all is a little awkward. That would probably send the wrong message and a greater likelihood it may be misinterpreted for something else.

    Do you mind me asking why you're a bit hesitant to let someone know you live alone? There are ways for phrasing these things. The above seems a bit crass or rough or the timing is really off. You don't have to invite anyone over at all or go for dates anywhere close to your house or where you live until you feel more comfortable.
    Thanks so much for your kind response. With regards to your question, I dunno I guess I'm just really uncomfortable when a stranger asks me about those stuff especially if I'm just trying to get to know them first. Is it just me?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I wouldn't like a stranger asking me this either. I think it's a little weird to ask. I am surprised that's a screening question for on line dating....

    Anyway, my advice is follow your instinct. If you feel that is an inappropriate question or the person gives you a bad vibe, then move on. Or you might ask why they ask.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Don't answer prying questions.

    Beware of date rape.

    Always pay attention to red flags and alarm bells sounding off in your brain. It's there for a reason.

    Always remain cautious. Better safe than sorry.

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    I chose not to date men who still lived with their parents. So I would ask if they lived on their own if it seemed unclear. Most often they volunteered the info. I never asked who they lived with other than if they lived with parents - so "on their own" could mean alone or with roommates.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by snowpeachdoll
    Thanks so much for your kind response. With regards to your question, I dunno I guess I'm just really uncomfortable when a stranger asks me about those stuff especially if I'm just trying to get to know them first. Is it just me?
    I'd echo the others' advice about following your instincts. In the situations it came up for me it didn't cross my mind that it was threatening in any way and I didn't feel at all upset or threatened by it. Maybe it was timed better or it was in person or I never felt like the other person was a weirdo or creep. I hope I didn't come across that way either (didn't seem like it). It was part of regular conversation.

    Trust your instincts - generally if you're feeling a bit uncomfortable already like this over this kind of question I'd be wondering if the person on the other side overall is someone you should be speaking to at all. There are a lot of odd people out there with not-so-honest intentions.

  10. #9
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by snowpeachdoll
    I'm merely there to get to know people first before I disclose these type of information as I value my safety and privacy.
    Rightly so. I agree, especially about the safety aspect. If asked, simply say a girlfriend stays with you, or a sister. No need for anything more.
    Last edited by Capricorn3; 09-15-2020 at 09:06 PM.

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    Don't answer any question that you are not comfortable with. Be honest that you're comfortable. If the person has a valid reason for asking, they should be able to explain rather then just expect you to answer. And if they don't respect that you don't want to share that with someone you've barely met, then you probably don't want to be going any further with them.

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