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Thread: He sees nothing wrong with being the wing man

  1. #1
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    He sees nothing wrong with being the wing man

    yesterday i went out with some of my friends to have lunch and also watch the game. i ran into my boyfriendís friend there and i texted my boyfriend to just let him know. My boyfriend then decided to come to the place we were at to also watch the game. Because heís friend and some other people were sitting in a different location, he decided to go sit a catch up with them for a bit which was fine with me. My boyfriendís friend is newly single and i guess he wanted to mingle with some girls(they were 4 girls sitting at a table) he decided that my boyfriend was perfect wingman. I sat with my friends and watched my boyfriend flirt with women for some time and i finally texted him and told him that i didnít like what he was doing and he told me he would stop.

    after a while my friends decided that it was time to go. i told my so called man that my crew was about to leave and i was already upset over the wingman nonsense so i wanted to go home. He told me to wait for him in the parking lot while he closed out his tab since i refused to stay. i waited for 30 minutes and then finally decided to go back in and found him and his friend sitting drinking a beer and still socializing with these girls. We got into a whole argument because apparently he had earlier told the girls me and him were together and i was upset that he was being a wingman. The girls started saying mean things to me and i wasnít having it because my issue was not with them, it was with him. i decided to walk away and he followed me. He wanted to come to my place and i declined. i got into my car and drove away and noticed that he also got into his car and drove home. he texted me about the situation and i told him that what he did was not okay especially after i told him how i felt. i went to sleep hoping i would feel somewhat okay, but i am still as upset as i was last night. Am i wrong for being so angry? Am i overreacting? is it okay for my man to be a wingman to his single friends when iím around?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't text him to join you when you are out alone enjoying an evening with your own friends. Let him do his own guy's night if you are out doing your own thing with your friends.

    He's a jerk for flirting while you are there, but you did not go out as a couple for whatever reason.

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Don't text him to join you when you are out alone enjoying an evening with your own friends. Let him do his own guy's night if you are out doing your own thing with your friends.

    He's a jerk for flirting while you are there, but you did not go out as a couple for whatever reason.
    i never texted him to join me. i texted him telling him that i didnít like what he was doing. thatís all i said. heís the one that asked me to come sit with him when my girlfriends where leaving

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'd be upset too. What's done is done and you can't go back in time and change it. I'd suggest doing the opposite (as in opposite of what your initial reactions in anger/frustration might be to do) - suggest going out for dinner and meeting with him if he wants to meet with you. Talk about it over a good meal and as adults and don't do the texting or stonewalling or ignoring each other. There's nothing you can do to change what's already happened. What you can do is try and understand each other better and avoid this from happening again.

    From there you can be observant with his language and how he speaks with you or the way he thinks or feels about the situation. Remember that the end goal here is to figure out whether this is a person you want to be with or see a future with. This is just a fight but it's not the war, so to speak.

    Has he done this before?

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I'd be upset too. What's done is done and you can't go back in time and change it. I'd suggest doing the opposite (as in opposite of what your initial reactions in anger/frustration might be to do) - suggest going out for dinner and meeting with him if he wants to meet with you. Talk about it over a good meal and as adults and don't do the texting or stonewalling or ignoring each other. There's nothing you can do to change what's already happened. What you can do is try and understand each other better and avoid this from happening again.

    From there you can be observant with his language and how he speaks with you or the way he thinks or feels about the situation. Remember that the end goal here is to figure out whether this is a person you want to be with or see a future with. This is just a fight but it's not the war, so to speak.

    Has he done this before?
    thank you dear, he has not done this to me before, but heís been open to me about heís past infidelities and i think this is what triggered me to be so angry

  7. #6
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    is it okay for my man to be a wingman to his single friends when iím around?
    When I was single my wing(wo)men were happily married and/or in relationships which to me, makes the ideal wingperson.... someone that helps start conversations with people of the opposite sex without being competition.

    That being said... I think what your BF did goes beyond what I would consider appropriate for someone in a relationship, particularly since he knew how upset you were.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I think he was being pretty disrespectful. I guess if this is an isolated incident and alcohol was involved, you are entitled to your feelings but at some point you let it go and hope everyone learned a lesson from it and it won't happen again.

    You mentioned past infidelities. Is this with you? If so, I might alter my previous words.

    I guess from this point on I'd be uncomfortable with him going out with his friends after what you witnessed. He did this in your presence. What does he do in your absense?

    I don't mean to throw gas on your fire, but depending on the level of trust you have with each other and his ability to own up to his responsibility will determine which way this goes.

    But yes. . I've be really disappointed if I were in your shoes.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Can I ask how long you've been together? And, in that time, is there any history of him showing, as he did the other day, a general immunity to acting in a considerate manner? I ask because I'm trying to understand if this is an isolated incident, or a more potent strand of something you've dealt withóhim not recognizing your feelings or being respectfulóin the past.

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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I think he was being pretty disrespectful. I guess if this is an isolated incident and alcohol was involved, you are entitled to your feelings but at some point you let it go and hope everyone learned a lesson from it and it won't happen again.

    You mentioned past infidelities. Is this with you? If so, I might alter my previous words.

    I guess from this point on I'd be uncomfortable with him going out with his friends after what you witnessed. He did this in your presence. What does he do in your absense?

    I don't mean to throw gas on your fire, but depending on the level of trust you have with each other and his ability to own up to his responsibility will determine which way this goes.

    But yes. . I've be really disappointed if I were in your shoes.
    hey, thank you.

    Heís been unfaithful with other women before me. he says heís never felt the way he feels about me with any one else, but people lie.

    I donít want to not trust him when heís out alone with his friends, but i feel like iím already in that mental space.

    i donít want to end the relationship either, but i think itís gonna take me a few days to clear my head because the more i think about it, the more upset i get.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Good idea to take some time and reflect.

    Is this the same man?: [Register to see the link]

    Originally Posted by CBC2000
    Heís been unfaithful with other women before me. he says heís never felt the way he feels about me with any one else, but people lie.

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