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Thread: A dying 8-year long relationship... is there any hope left?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    It's how it happened and I moved to her hometown and apartment because she asked me to. You will probably not understand and I do not want to whine but here a decent apartment costs your ENTIRE income for 20-30 years and this is A LOT of money. For most people it is next to impossible to buy a house/apartment here. If I had the chance I would have bought a house/apartment but given the situation now I can'

    Just because someone asks does not mean you have to do.

    You see everything in black and white. I doubt that an apartment costs 20-30 years of income because everyone would be homeless in that case. You surely could find a room to RENT or a small apartment to RENT to see if you liked living in the area and wanted to date her. When you are long distance, dating sort of starts over when you are finally in the same area. Plenty of people move to a new area and do that.

    Either way, you need to move on. If you are having that many problems with holding a job, unless you are working a series of short contract jobs, getting laid off might be for no fault of your own (the employer has a lack of work and lets the newest people go), but if you are laid off so many times in a row, sometimes you are the common denominator (it could be attitude, lack of soft skills, not being a team player, not having enough skills). It might be good to have a review of these things, find a mentor or go live where the work is Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    north america
    Hello sorry to hear the situation. I'm 46 yo now and know that feeling.
    1. First don't call her or do anything. It is counterintuitive. The more you push the more she's gone. If she calls be smooth and be strong. Don't beg or promise anything. Just be nice and chill.
    2. You didn't sound very happy though. I don't think your ex brought out the best in you. And you are right her mom did not help. Also not good that she has an absent father...
    3. Hit the gym and work of you career. Yl

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Originally Posted by sektor2006
    2. I discovered my girlfriend did not know how to cook, wash, iron clothes and overall maintain an apartment. I pretty much took these activities onto me trying to teach her how to do them.
    Originally Posted by sektor2006
    4. I struggled to maintain employment
    Originally Posted by sektor2006
    My girlfriend, on the other hand, has had a stable job working for a German company for years, where they treat people like human beings, and not slaves, so she does not know what unemployment really is.
    Originally Posted by sektor2006
    I just wanted her to realize we needed more space from her mom and that she would need to learn how to do house chores (which she mostly did while I was gone).
    Unbelievable! She is gainfully employed, you are not. But it is her job to do the house chores? You should be doing them instead of feeling bad for yourself.

    Also... are you really trying to argue that your 'knowledge' of unemployment is somehow valuable?

    No wonder this relationship is over.

    Originally Posted by sektor2006
    A few weeks earlier her mom had said she wanted to buy a car so while driving I was telling her what car maintenance expenses were waiting for her. I wanted her to know what would cost her to own a car as she had never had one before. Her mom, however, got mad at me thinking I was dissuading her from buying a car and told me that I had achieved nothing in life, that I had wasted 8 years of her daughter’s life, that I had had bad thoughts about them, meaning to cause them harm, that I had never been fully devoted to this relationship and ultimately that I was using them. None of this has ever been true – but this was it – I packed my most essential belongings and drove back home leaving both women behind me.
    Both these women have managed to find and maintain gainful employment and your girlfriend's mother has even managed to get the 'impossible' apartment for her daughter. You have done none of these things. If I was her mother, I'd be annoyed at you giving me advice as well. And if you ran off to pout about it, it would just increase my distain for you.

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