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Thread: How do you get through NC?

  1. #1

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    How do you get through NC?

    The anxiety is killing me. It took me too long to cut him off...Iím not a medical professional, but from past experience I know heís narcissistic. I should have known better and cut him off from the beginning. He literally strung me along for over a year...killed my self esteem. During the pandemic, he was spending a lot of time with me which just made me feel closer to him. He made excuses as to why he never invites me to his promoter friends events which I expressed many times I want to go to. Well, I saw him post a story on IG and there was a girl there he seemed super friendly with, but said it was his friends colleagues girlfriend...sure! I barely said a word to him, but I did confront him for lying (he has been visiting this area a lot lately with his ďguy friendsĒ) itís his business what he does as we were friends but yes fooling around from time to time, so yes I became close to him and got my hopes up..stupid. Anyways, he blocked me from IG and I barely said two words which just confirms my suspicions. He always seems to come back to me too, when he gets bored of a girl or maybe she dumped him idk...I wanted to be friends with him but not when Iím being lied to and strung along.

    My anxiety is really bad...I am at peace not having to worry if heís lying anymore but I wake up and my heart is racing. I keep looking at my phone expecting a text...I just hope it gets better soon. I have tried distracting myself but I think about him after a few min...Anyone have experience with a narcissist? The pain is really unbearable..I am not going to be his backup plan when things go sour.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Delete his contact information. Block him from any means of communication. Another option is to leave him in your phone but change the name to DO NOT ANSWER.

    Then, enlist a friend who won't mind if you contact her/him when you're tempted to reach out to "say 'hi'" or say "How are you?"

    And forget about the medical diagnoses because you can't diagnose him, plus that excuses him from his mean behavior. Instead, realize he is a jerk who doesn't care about you. You have to care enough about yourself to stop letting him treat you this way.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I've known a few narcissists. You get through it by changing the way you think. Instead of anticipating texts (or other electronic correspondence), feel relieved and have the "good riddance!" mentality. NC is actually a free favor to you so grab it and run away with it!

    Feel freedom from your original shackles from a narcissist. That's how I look at it. Now you have the freedom to create your own world, feel safe from harm, feel safe from weird, complex, insecure people and learn to surround yourself with moral, very honorable, upstanding people instead.

    Bad experiences and NC gives you pause to think that this is the time to treat yourself to kindness.

    I agree with boltnrun. Block and delete him. Consider him history and he should remain there! Move on with your life.

    This bad experience taught you to become a better judge of character. I always look at negative experiences as wisdom gained. It was not all in vain.

    Start anew and start fresh.

  4. #4

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    Totally agree. I mean, itís only day 2 so itís still fresh and I get I need to ride the wave. We didnít live together or have any real history, but he played too many mind games that had me questioning my sanity. I knew I was not imagining it, but he gaslighted me the entire time

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    He's a guy that liked to date two girls at the same time, possibly more...he's not really a narcissist, just a player, and you got duped. There is no punishing guys like him, they don't care when there are plenty of other women they can suck in with telling them what they want to hear.....it is what it is. Block/delete move on.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Start a journal and write in it if you have a feeling you might want to reach out or contact him on impulse. Try and get through at least a week. The panic and anxiety will ease slowly after 4 or 5 days. Shut off your phone even if you don't need it - as in power down completely. Be free.

    This person isn't worth a minute more of your time.

  8. #7

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Start a journal and write in it if you have a feeling you might want to reach out or contact him on impulse. Try and get through at least a week. The panic and anxiety will ease slowly after 4 or 5 days. Shut off your phone even if you don't need it - as in power down completely. Be free.

    This person isn't worth a minute more of your time.
    Thanks your right, he isnít. I was feeling super weak yesterday abs today was also super hard. But his silence has really confirmed for me that he donít give a crap about me. He only reaches out when heís bored, or it benefits his twisted ego...itís hard but not giving in. I know I deserve more.

  9. #8

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Start a journal and write in it if you have a feeling you might want to reach out or contact him on impulse. Try and get through at least a week. The panic and anxiety will ease slowly after 4 or 5 days. Shut off your phone even if you don't need it - as in power down completely. Be free.

    This person isn't worth a minute more of your time.
    Oh I do have a journal..my therapist suggested it..

  10. #9
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Purple1234
    He always seems to come back to me too, when he gets bored of a girl or maybe she dumped him idk.
    He always comes back simply because he knows you'll always be there waiting for him. Rather than be the person who allows herself to be someone's doormat, why not up your standards and send him packing?

    We teach others how to treat us, therefore how do you interpret the message you're sending him? Your call...

  11. #10

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    Originally Posted by HeartGoesOn
    He always comes back simply because he knows you'll always be there waiting for him. Rather than be the person who allows herself to be someone's doormat, why not up your standards and send him packing?

    We teach others how to treat us, therefore how do you interpret the message you're sending him? Your call...
    yes I get what your saying. Have to stop letting people disrespect me. He wonít get access this time. I had certain standards before I met him, he faked it so now itís time to move on. He isnít going to cut it.

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