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Thread: I regret telling my mom about my sexual assault? Should I tell her I'm lying?

  1. #1
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    I regret telling my mom about my sexual assault? Should I tell her I'm lying?

    I don't have a good relationship with my mom. I could never get her to visit me or answer phone calls or text messages. I was never allowed to visit her as well, when I'd bring it up she'd ignore me. I live in a different city btw, an hour away.

    We had a close moment a few days ago and I stupidly disclosed the fact I was sexually assaulted. Now she's suddenly being nice to me. Suggesting that she visit me more.

    However, this is not authentic concern from her. This is guilt on her part and her kindness is to make herself feel better and not because she has general concern about her daughter.

    How can I back track from sharing this information so she'll keep her distance? I need people around that love me and that's not the case here. A few months ago she flat out told me she wanted me out of her life, this hurt me deeply. I was already in pain and that topped it off. Now she wants to visit me more and that she loves me.

    I want to believe it because I would love to have a mother figure comfort me right now because I have no one but it's not real and it's not genuine concern and when she loses interest or feels like she made it up to me I will be back where I started: alone.


    This flawed relationship with my mother and not feeling cherished by my mother or father, was the reason I didn't care about myself enough to stop someone from violating my body or care enough to report or do something about it.


    What can I do about this? Should I tell her I made it up so she'll go away?

  2. #2
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    I've started to talk to someone. They're encouraging me to embrace her but I KNOW her. She does not care. I will end up HURT if I fall into unstable arms while I'm already broken

  3. #3
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    I'm sorry for all you have been through, OP.

    But no, I wouldn't backtrack and tell her you made it up. That won't help, and is very likely to muddy the water even further. Be honest, and tell her that are not ready to open yourself up more to her at this time so you don't wish to plan visits right now.

    And then stick to that.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's doubtful that any sort of drama will manipulate your parents into being the nurturing family figures you crave. The best thing you can do with this event is sort it out with a therapist.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    But no, I wouldn't backtrack and tell her you made it up. That won't help, and is very likely to muddy the water even further.
    I agree. Telling her that you are lying will just muddy the waters for yourself.

    Just tactfully back off from her and avoid triggering arguments while you are doing it.

    Then focus on other routes to healing.

  7. #6
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    No, never lie about that.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    If she has a cycle of hot/cold (abuse and disrespect), all you have to do is be patient and wait for the other side of the cycle. Don't make any moves. Stay respectful and don't self-destruct in the process (ie lying etc). Continue on. The beauty about knowing the patterns or cycle is that you know what will happen but you're not in it or as close to the fire as painful as it is because it involves loved ones. I'm very sorry this is happening.

    Just be patient and stay calm. Stay busy and focused on other things you have to get done. Try and stick with some consistency in your life, work with your therapist so that you don't perpetuate the same cycles of abuse and disrespect that your parents have shown you.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I totally understand having a mother who doesn't genuinely care about you. I had the same problem.

    Do not lie and tell her you made it up, that will cause more problems. Tell her you are not up for or interested in a visit from her now. You need a therapist to talk to, to work thru the trauma you have suffered.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by rchubn
    I've started to talk to someone. They're encouraging me to embrace her but I KNOW her. She does not care. I will end up HURT if I fall into unstable arms while I'm already broken
    Serious, question, with you knowing this, why did you tell her? What would have been a suitable reaction to her hearing this, had she been cold, would that have been more comfortable to you? Again Im not asking these questions in a judgemental way, I get the flip flopping, you want her to care but when she does it scares you, what would the ideal solution to all this be in your mind.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I would just let this go...what is done is done. If your are leery about your mother's intentions, you have full control over that...you don't have to accept all her invites, you can control what you talk about, and whatever else you do together. You can take your time with this.

    One thing I have learned...it's all about perception. You truly don't know how your mother feels or how she sees you, so the best thing to do is stop assuming. I see this time and time again when people confide in me their opinion about a loved one's actions. It's called tunnel vision. Their opinion is negative, they just don't understand what is going on with them, so they just assume. I admit I sometimes do it too and have to stop myself. I totally get it...I have a not so easy relationship with my mother too. I don't trust her, but when I step back and take my emotions out of it, I can see things differently. People act out because that's how they survive. And it's key to know that, not everyone is going to understand you. You just roll with it, but don't let it consume you.
    If you need to talk to someone, you have a whole community here that will listen and help you out.

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