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Thread: How am I going to cope?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2020

    How am I going to cope?

    I met my bf via a social group and we have been together for 4 years so most of our friends in this group know us well as a couple. The problem is that after 4 years and with no warning at all he breaks up with me via text and with no good reason. There is a history of this as he has issues after a bad divorce and he says he cant love and doesn't want a relationship but still he always ends up with someone, not usually for very long but with me there was always a spark and we got together and things seemed ok. He seemed happy and we were great together especially when we were out in our social groups, in fact everyone was so shocked when I told them what had happened and said we were always so happy. However he has done this now but I know in the future I will see him at a social event and I just dont know how I will cope. Purely because of his he ended it with me as I was blindsided and thought he showed me no respect by doing it by text after 4 years and that's what really hurt me. I loved him so much and he knew it so how can I enjoy a night out if he will be there? I dont want our mutual friends to feel awkward. And the biggest fear is what if I see him with another woman one day, how am I going to cope with that? But I do not want to lose my social life because he wasnt decent enough to tell me face to face that he no longer wanted to be with me. How do I at least act ok in front of him?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Give yourself at least a week to absorb the break up and understand that it's completely over. If it means taking a personal time out from your social commitments, do it and don't make excuses or feel sorry for hurting others' feelings. If it takes two weeks, also do it. Before there was your ex, there was you and yourself and that relationship you have with yourself - this means your self-esteem, your goals, your vision for yourself and what you want to achieve in life outside of any other relationship you have with anyone else. So start spending and using your personal time wisely now while you heal and process the break up. Stop worrying so much about what others think of you. If you're a people-pleaser now's the time to face that end that trap or those anxious thoughts.

    I'm sorry about the break up. You ex sounds and looks better way back in your rearview mirror. Not a catch at all. Always remember that when one door closes, sometimes not one but multiple doors start opening. It's up to you what you want to do next.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Remember the horrible things he said to you. Remember the awful way he treated your kids. And then hold your head high because while it wasn't a good idea to stay in that bad, toxic relationship you didn't do anything to him like the things he did to you.

    Right now there are not many social events due to the pandemic so you will have time to get accustomed to life without him. Since you will no longer have him insulting you and saying mean things to you, I bet you will start feeling much better very soon.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Two ways. Expand your social circles so that running into him is less likely.

    Treat any situation as if he's a stranger you're indifferent to. Polite but unaffected.

    Now is the time to delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Don't stress about this too much just yet.

    Give yourself some breathing room to accept and heal first. If you bump into him during that time, be civil but don't engage. Walk away. Once you are further on the path recovery, you won't find it quite so painful to see him.

    Your last thread indicated he's not exactly Mr Wonderful, what with all the previous breakups. Everyone assuming you two were happy really only demonstrates that they don't have a clear picture of your rocky history. They likely don't really know that he wasn't as emotionally invested as you, says he can't love, and all the things you admit hurt you in your time with him. They're only seeing the surface-level shiny veneer, but peel that back a bit? It wasn't exactly bliss in your heart of hearts, was it? So, you're not missing out on a great relationship opportunity with this man. Remember that.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Be brave and courageous. Be tough and strong. Don't let him get the best of you.

    You should be glad that he broke up with you via text because you discovered his true lack of honorable character. Since both of you share mutual social circles and should you see him with another woman one day, do not fret. Be relieved it's NOT you. The next woman will be on the receiving end of some form of disrespect from him sooner or later.

    Act natural, remain polite, respectful and be a peaceful person no matter how awkward it feels for you to be in his presence because this shows that you have class and possess aplomb. Remain calm and have composure. Handle yourself with grace. This is how you cope.

    Conduct yourself so that you are proud of your behavior and it's all you can do.

    And, since you share mutual friends, don't gossip nor bad mouth him. Trust no one. Keep your resentful and bitter feelings to yourself to play it safe. Don't create drama. Leave your relationship behind you. Always show class and hold your head high. You will get through this and you will handle this well.


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