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Thread: 6 year relationship ended, need advice. Long story.

  1. #1
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    6 year relationship ended, need advice. Long story.

    Hello, everyone. Well, as the title says, I was in a 6 year relationship with a woman I loved dearly. A couple of weeks ago, she ended things with me. Reason being, I have been unable to hold a steady job for very long and we both were still living with our families. She said she can't wait any longer for me. She said she is not going to reconsider getting back together unless I can show her, in a reasonable amount of time, that I can find steady employment and hold on to it, and also I can get a place on my own. I definitely begged and tried to convince her I know my feet are to the fire and I will do anything I can to make both of us happy but she wasn't trying to hear it. I then asked her not to kick me out of her life completely and suggested we stay in contact so I can keep her abreast of changes I'm making. She agreed.


    Since the breakup, we've had sex twice, and it was amazing both times. She began texting and calling regularly like normal for about a week, and I thought we were on the fast track to getting back together. A week ago, I was at her place and I tried to put my arms around her. She immediately took them off her and said "we're not together. I don't want to make you think we're working towards anything right now. I'm not changing my mind until you get your sh*t together". I noticed over the last few days the texts and calls had been drying up, so I called her and talked to her about it. She again reiterated that she is not changing her mind, and that she will still see me occasionally and she prefers to have sex with me rather than a total stranger, but again, until I can man up and move out, she will not consider getting back.

    So now I'm in a place where I am absolutely racing against the clock. I'm looking furiously for good paying full time work, and I am swearing to everyone in my family tree that I will bust my butt to keep that next job, no matter how much I hate it. I've lost 15 pounds over the last few weeks and I'm looking great, practically living in the gym now. But....you all know how it is..... I'm dying inside everyday. I can't text her when I want like I have been for the last 6 years. I can't call her because I don't want to pressure her. So I sit around and suffer in silence all day and night. I blame myself for being a complete loser and not giving us the life she wanted years ago. I'm terrified she will eventually lose all interest in reconciling even when I get it together, despite her being the realest, most honest woman I've ever known. If she says something, she means it. I mean, if she was 100% totally done, all lines of communication would be severed right? She wouldn't even leave the door open for a reunion like she has if she was truly willing to end it forever.

    I just need advice guys and girls. She's not a golddigger, but she's right. We're not getting any younger, and she needs stability. I figured because she came from a low income background, she would be okay with living average until I could find something that really made me happy. I'm stupid for thinking that. I'm just hurting really bad. She is a good woman, and she was faithful for all those years, as was I. I don't want to lose her forever. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. How old is she? It sounds like you know what to do to get on track. She may not stick around but it will benefit you either way.
    Originally Posted by StormShadow8
    Reason being, I have been unable to hold a steady job for very long and we both were still living with our families.

    I'm looking furiously for good paying full time work, and I am swearing to everyone in my family tree that I will bust my butt to keep that next job, no matter how much I hate it.

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    Before I say our ages, I want to preface it with letting you all know that I'm not some bum who refuses to work. I have a 765 credit score and whenever I lose a job, I'm immediately looking for a new one. I just have a hard time staying at any one place because....well.....I get bored. It's a problem. I know. And it needs to stop, irrespective of whether we get back together or not.

    She has a college degree from FSU. However, she has been working at the same rinky dink job for the last 4 years, topping out at 15+ an hour. When I do get a job, I make more than that starting off. But I understand the rules. The man must provide, he must lift his family up, he has to be the figurehead of stability.

    She is 32 going on 33 and Im 36.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Cut the sex and it's time to go your separate ways for real and make it final.

    She ran out of patience and tolerance. "Love doesn't pay the rent."

    Both of you need to move on. I'm sorry this happened to you.

    Hope good things happen to you during your job search.

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    Sorry to hear of your troubles regarding steady work. With everything going on this has become so very difficult right now too. I do hope you're able to find something and get back on your feet financially.

    That being said...

    Originally Posted by StormShadow8
    She said she is not going to reconsider getting back together unless I can show her, in a reasonable amount of time, that I can find steady employment and hold on to it, and also I can get a place on my own. I definitely begged and tried to convince her I know my feet are to the fire and I will do anything I can to make both of us happy but she wasn't trying to hear it. I then asked her not to kick me out of her life completely and suggested we stay in contact so I can keep her abreast of changes I'm making. She agreed.

    Since the breakup, we've had sex twice, and it was amazing both times. She began texting and calling regularly like normal for about a week, and I thought we were on the fast track to getting back together. A week ago, I was at her place and I tried to put my arms around her. She immediately took them off her and said "we're not together. I don't want to make you think we're working towards anything right now. I'm not changing my mind until you get your sh*t together". I noticed over the last few days the texts and calls had been drying up, so I called her and talked to her about it. She again reiterated that she is not changing her mind, and that she will still see me occasionally and she prefers to have sex with me rather than a total stranger, but again, until I can man up and move out, she will not consider getting back.
    Ultimatums and games like this do not come from people who truly care and love you. I would walk away if somebody gave me such ultimatums, especially so after beginning mind games with the sex followed by everything else you've mentioned. She's getting her cake and eating it too, all on her terms. This feels like really disrespectful behaviour to me.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    So if she continued with the sex and the texting would you still be looking for work?

    It seems like you only decided to get it together after she broke up with you. Did you plan to go from job to job and live with your family forever? Did you expect her to be OK with it forever?

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    Yes, this is a huge wake up call for me. Even if she were to change her mind overnight and tell me she's willing to give it another try, I'd still be out there motivated like a madman. She told me I became way too complacent and she was right. I'm tired of living this way. I know I need to make a major move and I needed to do it yesterday.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Do you mind me asking what you find(or found) boring about your previous lines of work?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What if you didn't have your parents to fall back on when you get bored? Would you have to live off her " rinky dink" job?

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    What country are you from? I'm actually not any kind of feminist or anything but I don't like gender roles. We're in the 21st Century and these comments like "the man must provide" are kind of bs. Your girlfriend is a hypocrite because she's in literally the same position as you, but she thinks only you are obliged to do something about it. Why? Because you're a guy? That's ridiculous! The very things she's blaming you for she's doing herself. She's 33 years old and she still lives with her parents too. She has a college degree but instead works a low paying job. If she looks down on this from you then why doesn't she herself want to change? There is no excuse just because she's a woman.

    Regarding you getting bored and losing all your jobs. Yes it's very unattractive. To me what would be unattractive is that my partner is unreliable and can't be responsible. Even if someone worked as a cleaner for many years is more attractive than someone who constantly keeps job hopping. Because the cleaner shows commitment to their job and that they are a reliable employee who can keep the job. I think most women would have a problem with this so you do need to change this. But it's not because you're a guy and you have to be the breadwinner and so on. I think this type of thing would look equally as bad for a woman.

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