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Thread: This man

  1. #1
    Silver Member kim42's Avatar
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    This man

    Hey everyone, Iím not actually looking for advice this time, I just need to get this off my chest. I know Iíve been really stupid, and most of you will agree after reading this, but itís alight.

    I posted this thread about attracting unavailable men about this guy I met and got along really well a few weeks ago. I was pretty sure we both liked each other, until I found out he had a girlfriend (thanks Google). Naturally, I stopped texting him the moment I found out.

    We both work for the same company, but he lives and works in a different city. We hadnít been in touch for almost 2 weeks when he contacted me again about a work issue. He started to reach out more often to ask questions about work. And slowly, our texts stopped being about work and we started to talk about random stuff, just like before. I know I should have stopped it, but I didnít. Long story short, we started to chat a lot, weíd send each other pictures of our vacation and other random things (no nudes, nothing sexual), we just had these nice long conversations. I know it was wrong, I think I was lonely (Iím again working from home), and it was so easy to talk to him. Heíd ask me tons of questions, and he remembered every detail I told him, even from weeks ago.

    Our conversations were not overly flirtatious, but this week he started to flirt more, he even sent me a picture of himself (again, no nude photos). We didnít text every day, but he would reach out a few times during the week, and weíd talk for hours.

    He never mentioned his girlfriend, only his friends and parents, until today. Last night we talked a lot, and today he texted me to wish me a great weekend, and then he just randomly mentioned his girlfriend. I wasnít expecting him to mention her, I know, sounds so silly. Naturally, this conversation was rather brief, and I just ended it.

    I know this is my fault, I knew he had a girlfriend, but I canít help not to feel sad about it. I mean I date in real life, thereís this guy Iíve been kind of seeing for a while now, but Iím just having a hard time connecting with these guys, like we donít have much in common if that makes sense.

    As I said, it doesnít really matter why he was doing this, I know Iím the one to blame too. I just feel sad because I know our conversations are now over, and I havenít had this kind of connection with a man in a while.

    I know it wasnít a good idea to text with him, knowing heís not single, please donít be too harsh with me, this is hard for me. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    You can't change what you already did, you know that. So, going forward make the decision to never again behave inappropriately with men who are in relationships.

    I'm sure if you were the girlfriend and you found out your boyfriend was spending time communicating with another woman, you wouldn't accept "oh, she's lonely due to working at home!" as a legitimate excuse. So, the old saying "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" applies here.

    If you're lonely, can you find other people to communicate with? I'm sure you have friends you can have good conversations with.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's ok to reach out and have all sorts of friends. Especially now when people are working from home. However, it's important yo know in your heart the difference between just friends and dating potential.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Don't feel so bad. It takes two to tango and your coworker also partook corresponding with you which didn't have any boundaries nor respect for his girlfriend when her back was turned. I'd hate to be his girlfriend because your coworker's flirtatious behavior can't be trusted and he isn't loyal nor honorable towards her.

    Chalk it up to a lesson learned for yourself. You can't control what other people do. All you can do is listen to your conscience, put on the brakes with other people and change your trajectory. In hindsight, most people realize their mistakes. You can't undo the past. Just readjust yourself, do the right thing and you'll be alright. Fret no more.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It's definitely not easy. Not many people are choosing to date now with the pandemic either so I don't think you should beat yourself up too much about the dating scene. Good things are worth waiting for and in the meantime... well, hang out at ENA or look into other things that uplift you and make you feel good.

    This person is just a cheap and easy way to pass the time but the quality of company is bottom of the barrel. He may look nice, say nice things and decorate himself with work accomplishments or other frivolous/superficial things but the bottomline is he's taken and he's chatting up a work colleague more than is appropriate.

    If push comes to shove, is this kind of guy you want long term? The more you associate with him or chat about non-work related items the more hits to your self-esteem you'll get. Pull yourself out of this and don't talk to him anymore.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Louis is jealous 🦥

  8. #7
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Sometimes we have to revisist a lesson to reinforce what we already know. Now you know.

    If it were me, whenever I was communicating with him I'd be wondering what how his girlfriend would feel if she knew you two were communicating at the extent you were.

    Feel bad for her and be greatful it's not you.

    Shake it off. . . and carry on.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    As long as you have learned from this it's all good. Now block and delete him.

  10. #9
    Silver Member kim42's Avatar
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    Thanks guys for your comments, Iím so glad I can talk about this here.

    I canít block him Ė heís my coworker, so I canít cut him off completely, but Iíll stop texting about non-work things for sure.

    I wanted to stop this before because I felt bad, but I guess it was easier to pretend his girlfriend didnít exist. I just didnít expect him to drop the news about his girlfriend like that, after weeks of talking.

    It was a good distraction at work, I think for both of us. I know itís good that itís over, Iím just sad right now, trying to shake it off, as someone said.

    Wise Ė Louis has been carefully observing. For those who donít know, Louis is my stuffed sloth 😊

  11. #10
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by kim42
    Thanks guys for your comments, Iím so glad I can talk about this here.

    I canít block him Ė heís my coworker, so I canít cut him off completely, but Iíll stop texting about non-work things for sure.

    I wanted to stop this before because I felt bad, but I guess it was easier to pretend his girlfriend didnít exist. I just didnít expect him to drop the news about his girlfriend like that, after weeks of talking.

    It was a good distraction at work, I think for both of us. I know itís good that itís over, Iím just sad right now, trying to shake it off, as someone said.

    Wise Ė Louis has been carefully observing. For those who donít know, Louis is my stuffed sloth 😊
    You aren't being very honest with yourself now are you?

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