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Thread: ex boyfriend

  1. #1
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    ex boyfriend

    So my ex boyfriend had a new girlfirend but never metioned it to me. We had a very long relationship. He was always keeping in touch with me after the break up and sending me messages, even if i still had feelings for him i never sent him anything first. Its been long since we broke up and it was my choice. But as we kept in contact , i still harbored feelings for him and started to believe that at some point we can be together again (i didnt move to next relationship even if its been so long). He didnt know that i still want him. The reason that i broke up with him was that the relationship really was going bad at that point and we surely needed a break (i dont want to analyze). I was always asking him what he is doing when he was contacting me and he was always pretending that he had no life and only work and stay home. Until i asked directly one day and out of nowhere he said that yes, he has a new relationship. Ofcourse i was angry and told him this is the end of our communication and i dont want him to bother me anymore. I called him liar and he still insisted that he never lied to me (how can u have a new relationship when u pretend that u are home all day or at work) He asked me to not block him yet and asked me to wait for him to come (we live in different places now) so we can talk and so he can say the things he want about this. Now i dont know what to do. I want to disappear after what happened , especially cos i feel like i was mocked. But on the other hand i want to make a last talk with him but i dont even know exactly when he can come (it can be months). I really need to let go finally and all this waiting will hold me back. I want to see different opinions about why he lied to me and hide such an important thing and if it is better to wait and talk with him or end it now.

  2. #2
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    Originally Posted by nobody111
    He asked me to not block him yet and asked me to wait for him to come (we live in different places now) so we can talk and so he can say the things he want about this. Now i dont know what to do. I want to disappear after what happened , especially cos i feel like i was mocked. But on the other hand i want to make a last talk with him but i dont even know exactly when he can come (it can be months).
    What is the point of him coming?

    It's going to make it worse and keep you stuck on something that has no future. No in-person visit is needed. Let this be your final sign that it's over and cut contact.

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    i dont know , he was the one that asked me to wait to talk in person , cos these things cant be told by the phone (thats what he said). We had a really long relationship , 8 years, so is it truly right to end this by the phone ?

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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    What is the point of him coming?

    It's going to make it worse and keep you stuck on something that has no future. No in-person visit is needed. Let this be your final sign that it's over and cut contact.
    i dont know , he was the one that asked me to wait to talk in person , cos these things cant be told by the phone (thats what he said). We had a really long relationship , 8 years, so is it truly right to end this by the phone ?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You didn't love him enough to work on problems and ended it instead. Or, the problems were dealbreakers and so there was nothing to work on. Either way, you stayed connected, which was never meant to be permanent. Romance is far more appealing than the occasion text from an ex, so your expectations he would pine for you forever and pay attention to you indefinitely without moving on was unreasonable.

    You've been a passive participant, staying connected because he initiated it. Agreeing to talk in person because he requested it. Yes, 8 years is a long time and I assume you initially ended the relationship in person, but now that that's done, ending a pseudo friendship, it isn't necessary to do that in person. What would I do? I'd text or phone him and say, "I was out of line. We are not a couple and you are free to date whoever you want. I will hold good memories of our time together. I wish you for you a wonderful life. It's best we go no contact for closure, and out of respect for our new partners. Good luck."

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Why are you angry he has a new girlfriend? You have been broken up so its none of your business what he does. You need to block and delete him from your phone and any social media. You dont need to talk to him, you cant have him as a friend. It's over.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Take this a learning experience and be very cautious when you're speaking or getting to know someone even if you've once known them before. You made an assumption that he was single and that was your mistake. Feeling mistaken, duped, a bit annoyed with yourself is natural. Overcome those feelings and accept where you went wrong.

    It was wrong of him also to continue chatting up an ex while in a relationship with someone else. Now you know not everyone is as straightforward or sensible.

    If you had doubts about the relationship back then, this is a clear sign this person is still as muddled. Why would you want to go back to this?

    After the dust settles and you pick yourself up and brush yourself off, be glad that he's revealed he's in a relationship. Someone who is as duplicitous and deceitful as this stringing two women along is not someone you want in your life. You've dodged a bullet again. Turn this around and take a good hard look and what just happened. This has worked out in your favour.

  9. #8
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    This is the perfect scenario for implementing no contact. Staying in contact kept you stuck and helped him transition to another, while getting a big, fat ego boost from you.


    Block and delete, once and for all! Get on with your life!

  10. #9
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    He didn't tell you because he didn't want to hurt you. You had remained in close contact with one another and loved one another for many years. He likely knew through this contact that you continued to have feelings for him. You may not have said anything directly, but I'd guess he picked up on it. So I think, basically, that he was avoiding causing you pain. And of course that is now what's happened.

    Unfortunately staying in contact with him while you still harboured strong feelings was a mistake. You had made the choice to break up with him, but you couldn't truly let go. Letting go of someone that you love, that you've had a long relationship with, is incredibly difficult and I think it's just in our nature to want to keep that person close in any way possible. But by doing so also greatly harms and diminishes our ability to move on. You really do need to let this one go at this point, rip off that band aid, for your own well being.

    Edit: Unless of course his communication with you was more flirtatious than mere friendly. In which case I agree with Rose, his contact with you was completely wrong of him.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    How long have you two been broken up?

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