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Thread: Sadness over my husband and my family

  1. #21
    Platinum Member
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    Mar 2006
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    I attended larger family gatherings especially when my son was young because I wanted to be there for my son but I can relate to the husband here - there were a number of situations when I was a new mom and felt overwhelmed by all the input on parenting stuff and wanting to hold the baby when that wasn't ok with me, etc - I went to most of them but when my son was older and my FIL came over- he became quite judgmental when he got older - I left and did my own thing -it worked well because I got me time and my son got grandpa time.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Mar 2019
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    Don't force your husband to attend family gatherings against his will nor make excuses for him. If your relatives pry, simply remain silent or change the subject. Eventually, they'll take the hint and won't hound you about his absence anymore. They'll learn to accept his nonattendance. They don't have to like it but they'll grudgingly accept his absence.

    Prioritize your marriage.

    I empathize with your husband. I absolutely despise my BIL (brother-in-law) to the core. He has said quite a few disrespectful comments to me, my husband and sons. BIL has a "mouth problem" not just towards us in particular but anyone is fair game. My sister (his wife) defends her meal ticket ad nauseum. We grudgingly attend holiday gatherings and a few restaurant gatherings several times a year since unfortunately, we all reside locally. However, there were times when we declined and didn't attend every single occasion.

    This Thanksgiving and Christmas, we're hunkering at home and I'll cook a holiday meal, sides and dessert just for the four of us plus leftovers. Traditional family reunions have 50 guests (relatives / in-laws / friends) which is a ton of grocery shopping, cooking, dirty dishes, clean up and stress.

    I feel bad about COVID-19. However, this pandemic is the best thing that ever happened to me regarding relatives and in-laws. I've been spared obligatory family gatherings and have yet to see them this year! I feel giddy.

  3. #23
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    Not getting along with in-laws is common. If he is naturally anxious, the added stress of dealing with people that make you uncomfortable is probably overwhelming. So you shouldn't expect him to go along with you. He married you, not your family. However, if it makes you sad, you should always talk to him. Don't make it a fight or accusation. Let him know you understand his feeling while explaining yours. Reach a compromise. Understand if he wasn't want to go with you most of the time, but he can should be willing to go on major events.

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