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Thread: Help

  1. #1

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    Help

    Hey all, I am due to be marrying my beautiful fiancť in a couple of years. We originally had a place booked in, but my bride to be has always had her eyes on a wedding in Mauritius. Both of us liked the idea of this. So discussions begun, all her family said they would attend, our friends, and we looked into budgets. Now we spoke to my family, I am the youngest child, I havenít seen my dad in my life so itís just my mum and 3 siblings. My mum has had her health issues, and she has been informed she is not able to go to this wedding if it is abroad.. 1. She canít get insurance, 2. She canít get the medical treatment if she gets cancer again, 3. She could not afford it - however my partners parents offered to pay for 2 of my family members. My sister and brother are having children - 2 weeks apart. And when we are due to get married they will be just 1 or turning. So they have said no. My other sister said originally she would come, however her partner (whom myself and my fiancť donít like anyway) is unable to come. So my sister has changed her mind. So this means none of my small family would be able to attend my wedding in Mauritius. Now what I need help with is what do I do.. my fiancť says itís up to me. But no matter what Iím going to be the bad guy.. do I get married without my family and just my partners family and close friends and risk potential issues / resentment. Or do I say no to the location and upset my wife to be and ruin her perfect wedding? I need help please. Itís driving me insane, Iím becoming severely stressed, depressed and Iím starting to not want to get married at all. Thanks in advance

    #GroomGutSaysRun

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why plan an overpriced inconvenient destination wedding if it burdens everyone this much? If there is already this much strife and power/control issues and struggling with families finances etc, why even get married? Is this an arranged marriage? Are you both being forced into all this?
    Originally Posted by Help2020
    my fiancť says itís up to me. #GroomGutSaysRun

  3. #3

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    Wiseman2, thank you for your reply. This isnít an arranged marriage. And it actually works out much cheaper than getting married in the UK (where we are) the money we saved over was for 2 of my family members to get cover with flights and hotel. So financially it is the most suitable choice in regards to wedding budget. But it does mean some friends and family have to pay their own way. Itís not the most expensive, but itís just at the point where children are becoming a factor

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I think you need to talk to your fiance and come to a decision together. its not up to you, if she is going to resent it. Its not up to you if you are going to feel you let her or your family down.

    Many people go way out for their weddings and put a lot on the day's meaning in there life. If course, its a big and important day, to not be taken lightly. but not because of the venue or the party. but because of weight and seriousness of the vow you are making to one person for the rest of your life.

    You should be able to make a decision together. This is just the first of many tough choices YOU BOTH HAVE TO LIVE WITH.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    OP you say:

    "I am due to be marrying my beautiful fiancť in a couple of years."

    Much can happen in a couple of years.

    You obviously (I hope) haven't booked anything yet or put money down.

    Mauritius is a long way away.

    There are wonderful destinations in Europe, offering amazing venues and wedding solutions, with great value for money, and travel time is only a couple of hours, at most. If she were originally from Mauritius then perhaps the idea might make some sense.
    London to Mauritius flight time is TWELVE hours.
    You say:

    "Itís driving me insane, Iím becoming severely stressed, depressed and Iím starting to not want to get married at all."

    You need to have a mature conversation with your fiancťe, and explain exactly what you have written here.
    Last edited by LaHermes; 09-09-2020 at 10:56 AM.

  7. #6
    Donít have the wedding abroad. This is a core issue and you will have bitterness/resentment later on. Man up in the relationship. Take it from my experience you will be glad you saved the money.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    My daughter wanted to get married in the Caribbean and the logistics of putting it all together, the expense, the family who could and could not attend, made it just about impossible to put together. They got married here, at a beautiful golf course/country club in the end.

    You could have a small wedding in Mauritius with minimal people and when you get back have a really big party for all the people who could or would not attend the wedding. Compromise is what's needed here and for the rest of your lives!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Help2020
    Itís driving me insane, Iím becoming severely stressed, depressed and Iím starting to not want to get married at all. Thanks in advance

    #GroomGutSaysRun
    Good lord, just take your ball and go home, I guess? What a terrible attitude, to pout like this. I don't think you're ready for marriage. I don't think you're ready for adulthood, actually. You can't be a true adult if you are unable to continuously manage and resolve difficult challenges.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    There are many alternatives, and if your fiancť doesn't care about your feelings, then she shouldn't be your fiancť. It sounds, though, as though she is taking your feelings into consideration, saying it's up to you, so you're probably being harder on yourself than you need to be.

    You could just get married, only the two of you, in Mauritius. Have your honeymoon there, and then upon your return, have a family gathering to celebrate the union. I've known many people who have done that sort of thing.

    And if you have the wedding or post-celebration locally, it doesn't have to be expensive if you plan wisely. Instead of renting a place for a venue, perhaps someone has a spacious, beautiful backyard and you can rent chairs. You can have a buffet instead of individual dishes served. You can have a D.J. instead of a band.

    You're supposed to be a team where decisions are made together, coming to a consensus, so make sure you're both capable of that, or perhaps you shouldn't be getting married. Good luck and let us know how it goes.


    .

  11. #10
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    A dream wedding isn't about a destination, but the people who are there to celebrate your special day with you. It also sounds to me like your fiance is perfectly fine with changing plans to accommodate your family. The only person creating imaginary drama and putting all this pressure on yourself is you. So get out of your head and talk to your fiance like two adults. If Mauritius doesn't work, it doesn't work and that should be OK. People change these sorts of plans all the time.

    There is dreaming and then there is reality. You really need to learn to regulate your emotions, stop projecting end of the world doom and gloom and learn to deal with the fact that you won't always have everything you dream about and most importantly learn how to have a healthier reaction to that.

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