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Thread: Iíve had enough of my mom and my sister, advice needed

  1. #41
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    So you tell this poor guy; that is the honest thing to do.

  2. #42
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Just stay out of her business and news. You can move around the word 7 times but unless you create boundaries for yourself the nonsense will continue when you seethe about her news/business. Just say "that's nice" and get off the phone.

    Do not meddle or undercut out of spite. Do not contact this guy. It's his realtor's responsibility and his responsibility to get a building inspector, etc. Spite and hate begets spite and hate. Walk away. He doesn't need your "help" to protect him from your "evil" sister.

  3. #43
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jennylove
    He is, but the inspector wonít know about the flooding unless it rains the day of inspection. And the garage door stops working once the weather is below 32. Last year, the door stopped during mid opening, and they couldnít get their car out. They were able to push the door up, but then they couldnít get it to close so it stayed open all winter. Same thing the year before. The inspector will hopefully discover that the dishwasher leaks bigtime, also not revealed, and that a couple fans donít work. But those bigger things? Probably not.
    Why are you getting involved so much in other people's lives and also presuming so much? Serious question for you. Not only that, but you conjure all these negative presumptions and then stew in your anger and righteousness.....but are you really so right?

    If the inspector can't see water damage and misses that on his report, the guy can well sue the inspector because that would be serious incompetence on his part.

    The garage stops working when it's 32 outside? Call a garage door company and get it fixed. Most likely a maintenance issue. Also, totally none of your business what people do about it if anything at all. In the general scheme of things that go wrong in the house, this is but a minor issue that you are blowing up into a mountain....and again, not your issue, not your problem. For all you know this "poor" guy is quite handy and can manage to fix that himself among many other things. All these issues are between the inspector and him and his own decision what he does and doesn't want to take on in an old house.

    None of this is any of your business, yet not only are you sticking your nose in it, you are all in arms about it. Nobody is forcing you, nobody is asking you for your opinion, nobody is doing anything to you. This is all completely self motivate and driven by yourself.

    I think Blue has an excellent point that you seem to enjoy this anger and hate you are stewing in. On some level, this is working for you.

  4. #44
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    What happens when you are 100 miles away, or 6,000, and you learn about something in your sister's life that "triggers" you? I'd think about that a bit, dig deep on that question, because best I can see things? I say this really feeling for you, but as long as you think your sister's or mother's primary agenda in the world is to upset you, and as long as that story is important to you and your sense of self, no amount of distance is going to dismantle it.

    I bought a house a while back from people I knew, people I liked, people I trusted were good people. Alas, some issues came up that were missed in the inspection report, as happens, something like 99 percent of the time, when people buy homes. I don't think the inspector was a crook, or those supposed good people were trying to screw me. Was what it was: people being people, life happening, homeownership being the sometimes awesome, sometimes sucky thing that it is, an adventure this dude is embarking on. His life. He'll figure it out.

    You should move for you, because in digging deep you've realized that your best self can be inhabited elsewhere. If you make moving a reaction to a "trigger" like this? Well, you're just ensuring that said trigger becomes the soundtrack to the move, that when you get settled in a new place and look around at the scenery what you'll see are the ghosts of your mother and sister taunting you.

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  6. #45
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    I agree with Fenix's remark.

    "Maybe you need more positive influences in your life?"

    Just move Jen, despite the drawbacks (temporary) this course of action might involve.

    Get away from all this toxicity. You will feel so much better.

  7. #46
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Read: "Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life" By Jon Kabat-Zinn, an American professor emeritus of medicine and the creator of the Stress Reduction Clinic and the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society at the University of Massachusetts Medical School.

  8. #47
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    jennylove, you sound like a remarkably honest and sincere person. You want people to do the decent thing. Unfortunately, that doesn't always happen and you seem to be around people who don't think that way. While your intentions are good, there needs to be that space so you aren't constantly driving yourself crazy over other people's issues. I've banged my head against the wall many times dealing with people who refuse to change or show the tiniest bit of decency in some area. And all it got me was a sore head. These other people will face the consequences of their actions in time. As soon as you are able, please move and surround yourself with a new, more positive environment. Hopefully a fresh start can bring you some peace of mind.

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