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Thread: Iíve had enough of my mom and my sister, advice needed

  1. #21
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    And another thing that I could use advice about while Iím at it here...

    I do a lot of nice things for my mom that she knows should only be between us because my sister will blab about it to my dad and stepmom. The thing about that is, they get their feelings hurt too that I do these things for my mom and not much for them. One thing that my mom and enjoy doing together are religious things. My mom is a strong Catholic and she LOVES going to ďhealing servicesĒ by healing priests when available. There are times when Iíve driven hundreds of miles to see one, and I actually did receive a physical healing that was somewhat miraculous. But I wanted it to remain private, not too many people in this town believe in these types of things, and my own family thinks itís all very scary and weird to go to these events, including my sister. So why would my mom tell her about our trips and my healing knowing sheís against it and will spread rumors and gossip about us going in a bad manner? Itís private! My mom wants to see a very well-known healing priest who will be within 200 miles from us soon, and since she doesnít drive long distance (or fly) she wants us to go together. I want to go, I want mom to go, but Iím not taking her because sheíll blag about it to my sister, who knocks it and thinks itís ďcrazyĒ. I mean, damned if I do, damned if I donít.

  2. #22
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    So just donít go and move, that is the answer.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jennylove
    And another thing that I could use advice about while Iím at it here...

    I do a lot of nice things for my mom that she knows should only be between us because my sister will blab about it to my dad and stepmom. The thing about that is, they get their feelings hurt too that I do these things for my mom and not much for them. One thing that my mom and enjoy doing together are religious things. My mom is a strong Catholic and she LOVES going to ďhealing servicesĒ by healing priests when available. There are times when Iíve driven hundreds of miles to see one, and I actually did receive a physical healing that was somewhat miraculous. But I wanted it to remain private, not too many people in this town believe in these types of things, and my own family thinks itís all very scary and weird to go to these events, including my sister. So why would my mom tell her about our trips and my healing knowing sheís against it and will spread rumors and gossip about us going in a bad manner? Itís private! My mom wants to see a very well-known healing priest who will be within 200 miles from us soon, and since she doesnít drive long distance (or fly) she wants us to go together. I want to go, I want mom to go, but Iím not taking her because sheíll blag about it to my sister, who knocks it and thinks itís ďcrazyĒ. I mean, damned if I do, damned if I donít.
    If it works for you, then go. If you believe, then go. If you want to, then go. Who cares what other people think or believe. They aren't you and you shouldn't allow other's opinions to dictate your life or your relationship with your mother or what you do with her.

    This isn't about your sister at all. This is about you caring way too much what other people think and lacking self assurance. What you do, what you believe isn't some secret you need to keep hidden. Learn to hold your head high and live your life as you believe, as it works for you and to heck with other people's opinions. Remember, opinions are like arseholes....everyone has one and it really doesn't mean much and it certainly shouldn't dictate your life let alone drive you into hiding. You have nothing to hide and anyone who makes negative comments is entitled to their own belief, but has little value to you and your life. You do you and let others do as they see fit. The more you adopt that attitude, the better your life will be.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Only confide in your mom at your own risk. (For me, if I don't wish for any verbal or written information to leak, I remain silent because that's my 100% guarantee.)

    You can't control what your mom decides to say or not say to other family members. I have both a mom and mother-in-law (MIL) who have loose lips, too. There's nothing I can do about it except control what I can which is not confide in them. With any other information about me, my husband or kids, I don't have control regarding what they say to others including within the family tree.

    I know it's private including what you do with your mom and where you go or travel with her. However, don't obsess over what other people think about you or what you do. Don't care. The more you learn to let go, the more content and secure you will feel. Don't fret. Let it go.

    Rise above it and have class. Be brave and keep your head held high. You will be alright. Don't worry otherwise your unnecessary stress will consume you in a mentally unhealthy way.

    In your mind, live your own life day to day.

    Don't feel so frustrated. Be your own person and become comfortable within your own skin. And, when you're with relatives, you have nothing to be embarrassed nor ashamed of. Carry yourself with aplomb and grace and everything will be fine.

    Become unemotional (in this case) because it will save your sanity.

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  6. #25
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    If we tell a person something in trust and let them know we don't want it being told to others, then of course we would expect that they do not tell others. We are trusting them with personal information. It is not their place to tell others our business. If you wanted someone to know, you would tell them yourself. In an ideal world, this would not be a difficult concept. Unfortunately, we live in this world. I've learned the hard way that if you don't want something out the only safe thing is to keep it in your head. Don't tell someone else. Don't say it aloud if there is anyone within possible earshot. Don't write it down. Even the people you think you can trust will at some point let you down.

    jennylove, you need to create space between you and your mom. As close as you might be with her, and as tough as it might be do to, she's shown that you can't trust her like you thought you could. So keep the relationship to things you are comfortable with others knowing. Otherwise, you'll just be setting yourself up for being hurt again.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like your mother is in a tough spot trying to be fair to both her daughters.

    Live your life and don't worry about what everyone thinks. Your mother has every right to invite her daughter over without you causing drama about it.

    Try to keep whatever rancor you have toward your married sister to yourself or with a therapist. Your mother shouldn't be a referee, as if toddlers are still fighting over her attention.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jennylove
    And another thing that I could use advice about while Iím at it here...

    I do a lot of nice things for my mom that she knows should only be between us because my sister will blab about it to my dad and stepmom. The thing about that is, they get their feelings hurt too that I do these things for my mom and not much for them. One thing that my mom and enjoy doing together are religious things. My mom is a strong Catholic and she LOVES going to ďhealing servicesĒ by healing priests when available. There are times when Iíve driven hundreds of miles to see one, and I actually did receive a physical healing that was somewhat miraculous. But I wanted it to remain private, not too many people in this town believe in these types of things, and my own family thinks itís all very scary and weird to go to these events, including my sister. So why would my mom tell her about our trips and my healing knowing sheís against it and will spread rumors and gossip about us going in a bad manner? Itís private! My mom wants to see a very well-known healing priest who will be within 200 miles from us soon, and since she doesnít drive long distance (or fly) she wants us to go together. I want to go, I want mom to go, but Iím not taking her because sheíll blag about it to my sister, who knocks it and thinks itís ďcrazyĒ. I mean, damned if I do, damned if I donít.
    Why are you so afraid of being judged by non-believers? If your faith is strong, you have nothing to fear. Practice more of your faith locally, mix and mingle online even with your church group friends or join a scripture study. Healing comes in many forms - sometimes it's practical and other times it's spiritual. Your mother is leading a fearless life walking in her faith regardless of what others say about her.

    If you don't believe in God in the first place why are you going to these events or trying to be something you're not? Find some conviction in your life and stick with it. You're insecure about yourself and asking for other people to handle you with care because you're broken and fragile. This can only go on for so long if you've experienced trauma or heartbreak. Whatever you have gone through in life, others have also walked before you. Find a therapist or counsellor who can help you work through your fears or talk them through. It's no life living in constant fear, fear of being judged or bullied or persecuted for your beliefs or non-beliefs. Stop judging others too and maybe you'll also find peace in yourself.

  9. #28
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    Huh? Where did I say or insinuate that I am not a believer? Pretty sure I posted about wanting to go, enjoying it, and receiving a healing myself. My beliefs belong to me and I dont like being a laughingstock for my beliefs because of my sister fabricating everything. Itís private. Iím not wrong for expecting my mom to remain quiet about it since Iím the one who takes her and that is my only request. She can tell anyone she wants about her experience, but leave me out of the story. Thatís all.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    I agree with you Jen.

    "Itís private. Iím not wrong for expecting my mom to remain quiet about it since Iím the one who takes her and that is my only request. She can tell anyone she wants about her experience, but leave me out of the story. Thatís all."

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jennylove
    Huh? Where did I say or insinuate that I am not a believer? Pretty sure I posted about wanting to go, enjoying it, and receiving a healing myself. My beliefs belong to me and I dont like being a laughingstock for my beliefs because of my sister fabricating everything. Itís private. Iím not wrong for expecting my mom to remain quiet about it since Iím the one who takes her and that is my only request. She can tell anyone she wants about her experience, but leave me out of the story. Thatís all.
    That's my point. There are people who are going to have an opinion whether they're vocal about it or not. If this is such an issue avoid going to those events with your mother. I think cutting out family members or going to extremes will end up hurting you most of all. If you know anything to do with your sister is a no-go or she's rude, judgmental, small-minded avoid her and leave your mum out of it. If you have God or if you are a believer, why do you care what others think of you? Keep up your momentum in other ways and don't let these things get you down. You'll be fine if you let things roll off your back and speak up more for what you think is right. Eventually people show themselves for what they really are and true colours will come through.

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