I'm really trying to cut this cord!! I think.

Hi,

I'll try to keep this brief. I have a long history with this person which goes from romance to friendship to toxicity to... I don't know. We tried it, it didn't work, I was heartbroken. I accepted the offer of friendship (something that I had always valued in this relationship, we share interests and values and a lot of sentimental experiences) and for a while, that seemed to work, although what happened in the past between us was never addressed, and I swept my feelings under the rug. I know I shouldn't have done that. Over the span of two-three years, this person starts to make romantic gestures, invites me places (friend dates basically), and eventually, we did become intimate (never had sex thank God, but got close).

This person does not have a bad personality. He's not a player, he's handsome so he does get attention from women, but he has a head on his shoulders, so I often gave him the benefit of the doubt. It's always to no avail, we don't talk as often anymore, and we're not "friends" in the sense that we support each other, share news, and ask for advice. He continues to message me, call me, say I'm beautiful, respond to my posts on social media, and when I respond back there is limited conversation. Our relationship isn't going in any direction at all, so what's the point?

Me, having worked on my personal healing and learned about setting boundaries and self-responsibility, I decided to distance myself from this person, who is very confusing and seems to not want me but also won't leave me alone. I've started ignoring his attempts to talk to me, and just today he sent me a text asking why I was ignoring him, which is why I'm writing this forum post. There is a lot of tension and buried emotions in this relationship on both of our parts. So right now, I'm not sure if I should ignore this message (which will be me completely pulling the plug), or tell him why I was ignoring him and if I want that to lead to closure, or if I want that to lead to a rekindling.

In the beginning, he was head over heels for me, and I miss it! I miss the way he treated me and sometimes I regret how things have gone. But I'm young and I don't have to deal with someone who doesn't know what they want, right?

Tell him it's time to go your separate ways and it's best to go 'no contact' permanently. It will be healthier for you to have the 'out of sight, out of mind' mentality. It's time to delete him from your social media. If he's relentless, ghost, block and delete for real so you can move on with your life and so can he.

You should have been done after you split up. You cannot be friends when there are feelings.

Why haven't you cut him off? What do you get from this?

Block and delte! He brings no value to your life.

He's using you for attention and to stroke his ego. I think you already know this. You need to learn to cut ties with someone who doesn't care about your wellbeing enough to know when to back off. This person isn't a friend if your conversations go nowhere and his responses are shallow. The only person who is confused is this person. It shouldn't be you.

Tell yourself that he doesn't want what you want. Go about your life achieving your wants and start practicing more of that self-responsibility. Continue setting boundaries. Right now you're not doing so well because there are holes in the fence. Start repairing that and move forwards.

I think it's might also be worth noting that we are all human and we encounter people who are not always good for us along the way. Learn from it and don't linger after you know that this person isn't good for you.

I've started ignoring his attempts to talk to me, and just today he sent me a text asking why I was ignoring him, which is why I'm writing this forum post. There is a lot of tension and buried emotions in this relationship on both of our parts. So right now, I'm not sure if I should ignore this message (which will be me completely pulling the plug), or tell him why I was ignoring him and if I want that to lead to closure, or if I want that to lead to a rekindling.

I would be honest and tell him you no longer wish to remain in contact when you don't want the same things from this.

Unfortunately you want different things. He may keep you in the loop as a FWB backup plan, which you don't want.

You however want him as a male-girlfriend to chitchat with, etc, which he doesn't want.

Playing games won't help this nebulous and confusing situation. Your feelings toward him are simply too complicated.

Step back, breathe deep find friends to talk to and men to start dating.

I would probably be honest but brief and without an opening for him to respond...

something like... you're right. I've been ignoring you and this situation. my apologies for that. I think its better we stay distant. I wish you the best

Hi,

 

I'll try to keep this brief. I have a long history with this person which goes from romance to friendship to toxicity to... I don't know. We tried it, it didn't work, I was heartbroken. I accepted the offer of friendship (something that I had always valued in this relationship, we share interests and values and a lot of sentimental experiences) and for a while, that seemed to work, although what happened in the past between us was never addressed, and I swept my feelings under the rug. I know I shouldn't have done that. Over the span of two-three years, this person starts to make romantic gestures, invites me places (friend dates basically), and eventually, we did become intimate (never had sex thank God, but got close).

 

This person does not have a bad personality. He's not a player, he's handsome so he does get attention from women, but he has a head on his shoulders, so I often gave him the benefit of the doubt. It's always to no avail, we don't talk as often anymore, and we're not "friends" in the sense that we support each other, share news, and ask for advice. He continues to message me, call me, say I'm beautiful, respond to my posts on social media, and when I respond back there is limited conversation. Our relationship isn't going in any direction at all, so what's the point?

 

Me, having worked on my personal healing and learned about setting boundaries and self-responsibility, I decided to distance myself from this person, who is very confusing and seems to not want me but also won't leave me alone. I've started ignoring his attempts to talk to me, and just today he sent me a text asking why I was ignoring him, which is why I'm writing this forum post. There is a lot of tension and buried emotions in this relationship on both of our parts. So right now, I'm not sure if I should ignore this message (which will be me completely pulling the plug), or tell him why I was ignoring him and if I want that to lead to closure, or if I want that to lead to a rekindling.

 

In the beginning, he was head over heels for me, and I miss it! I miss the way he treated me and sometimes I regret how things have gone. But I'm young and I don't have to deal with someone who doesn't know what they want, right?

Sounds a little bit like a relationship that I had from high school until my early 30s. We were friends, we were interested in each other romantically, but never quite got the romantic portion of the relationship fully off the ground. We drifted in and out of each others lives, each time bridging the gap in time like no time had passed. It was confusing.

Eventually, I outgrew it. I think I just grew up, to be honest. I guess when I was younger, I had time to waste. But as I got older, my time became more valuable. His shenanigans lost their charm. I got bored. I had other things to do.

Now that I'm thinking about it, it reminds me of a thought I had when I was a little kid, like 10 years old or younger. This was before I ever met him. I was playing with some toys, and I thought, "Why don't adults like to play with toys? How can anyone outgrow toys?"

Just a couple years later, I found myself looking at children's toys and marveling at how they no longer appealed to me in the way they once did. My idea of fun had changed.

I think, right now, this is on some level new and intriguing to you. So, you get caught up in the allure. But in time, you will probably out grow it.

If you keep hovering around to see if he's ever going to transform into someone who's willing to give you what you want, then this isn't something that's happening 'to' you, it's your choice.

But life is short. You'll never get any wasted time back again for do-overs. And you never know who you might be missing while you're focused on this guy.