Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 41

Thread: Coworker with poor social skills

  1. #11
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    2,497
    Gender
    Female
    You mentioned the get together, to which the other co-workers didn't turn up. Not surprising. Besides is he a self-elected social events officer in the company or what?

    Keep your distance, and although I doubt that he has any skill in reading sub-text, make sure that the "distance" is obvious and only speak, if you absolutely must, about work-related matters. He'll get the message.

    I second this:

    ""Harry, I don't want to talk about any non-work related things with you. No offense, mate.""

    Yes, OP, weird types can make one temporarily uneasy. Just blank him out. The lash of indifference . L.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    5,187
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    "Harry, I don't want to talk about any non-work related things with you. No offense, mate."
    Exactly, lol.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,606
    Gender
    Male
    Of course just be professional and let him know you don't mix business with your personal life.

    This is why I cringe when people they work with think they should just ask them out.
    Originally Posted by RuedeRivoli
    he proceeded to say: "Perhaps you can add me to your personal mobile, so we can talk about non-work related things".

  4. #14
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Posts
    407
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Of course just be professional and let him know you don't mix business with your personal life.

    This is why I cringe when people they work with think they should just ask them out.
    I don't think he was trying to ask me out in all fairness. I have a hard time picturing him asking anyone out.

    My gut feeling is he thinks colleagues can turn into friends which isn't the case.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    2,497
    Gender
    Female
    You made me smile Rivoli.

    "I have a hard time picturing him asking anyone out."

    So what do you think he'd want to be conversing with you about that wouldn't be "work related"?

    The state of the nation, Brexit, advances in the development of better rocket fuel, his butterfly collection?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    2,668
    Listen to your gut instincts because it's always right. The guy's weird and "off." Know your boundaries with others; especially coworkers.

    I would be politely direct with him. Tell him straight up that you wish to maintain a professional, respectful relationship with him; no more, no less. Be very clear about this. Ask him not to contact you during non-work hours including weekends.

    Also, learn to keep your distance so there will no be future opportunities for greeting kisses. In the future, you will be prepared to dodge him and you should tell him about the social distancing rule during COVID-19 and you don't want kisses, period. Make sure he respects and honors your wishes.
    Last edited by Cherylyn; 09-08-2020 at 03:58 PM.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    25,084
    Gender
    Female
    As far as the kiss thing advise would be way different depending on if you are living in France or Italy or the US. Its custom there and is not perceived as anything but a warm greeting there, where its not customary in the US But i agree about Covid- just remind him about Covid in that regard and leave it at that.

    [QUOTE=Cherylyn;7238067]Listen to your gut instincts because it's always right. The guy's weird and "off." Know your boundaries with others; especially coworkers.

    He could have Asperger's syndrome and sucks at interpreting social cues. It doesn't mean the OP has to accept it, but it would help dealing with it thinking about it with that lens. You have to teach him what is acceptable to you and not acceptable towards you -- totally imagine he has no clue.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,606
    Gender
    Male
    Agree, taking it off work-site communication is not for random chitchat. Keep in mind his social skills or diagnosing him are irrelevant.

    Companies do not screen employees for etiquette or neurological situations. If you think he's creepy, that's fine. However, creepy or nerdy does not mean they have neurological issues.

    Please realize that creepy does not equal autistic, nor is that the best way to think of this. Simply maintain good boundaries and otherwise be kind and professional without hanging labels around necks.
    Originally Posted by LaHermes
    You made me smile Rivoli.

    "I have a hard time picturing him asking anyone out."

    So what do you think he'd want to be conversing with you about that wouldn't be "work related"?

    The state of the nation, Brexit, advances in the development of better rocket fuel, his butterfly collection?

  10. #19
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Posts
    407
    Whilst I agree on the fact that "creepy" does not equal being autistic, I don't think I used the term "creepy". I've dealt with "creepy" female and male coworkers. This guy is on a different spectrum altogether. If anything, I don't find him "creepy" as it clearly seems he has social adaptation issues. I would have used the term "creepy" if he was on that spectrum. He actually had 4 interviews for the role whereas I had two interviews which both lasted 10 minutes. I understand companies are not seeking a neurological assessment when interviewing candidates, but if a candidate clearly displays a severe lack of social skills, it may be questionable as to whether to can easily adapt to a team setting.

    I'm not too familiar with Asperger's. It came to my mind, but as I have never encountered anyone with Asperger's, I'm not entirely sure as to whether it might be it.

    I've had colleagues from all over the world (Italy, Spain, Argentina, Ireland, France etc...) and none of these people ever kissed me on the cheeks on our first meeting. Sure, once I had left the companies or if I hadn't seen them in a while, but certainly not my first time meeting them. It's simply not professional. It's not the main issue, the main issue is that we have specific guidelines and he didn't seem to really have an understanding of those.

    His lack of social skills make me think that he probably doesn't have any ulterior motives, but if I think about the same situation with an individual who has "average" social skills, it would be deemed highly inappropriate. I'm actually surprised as to how he actually asked this over Skype at work which happens to be a monitored tool and all conversations are actually saved in my Outlook. I can easily trace all communications I've had with anyone in the firm.

    It makes me feel uncomfortable as I don't want to instill a negative energy and given he seems to be overly dependent on my manager (as in requesting one to one meetings every day for one hour to discuss his tasks), it might trigger more drama than it should (making me look like the bad person).

  11. #20
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    2,497
    Gender
    Female
    Try not to worry too much Rivoli. Just keep him at bay.

    I am European and we kiss each other on the cheek at the drop of a hat. lol.

    All day long.

    Different strokes over here.

Page 2 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •