Am I living wrongly because I suffer so much?

For as long as I can remember, I've been single, except for 1-2 relationships, in which I gave more than the other side... Until recently, I didn't pay much attention to this, because I always believed that I would find my soulmate. I look at the people around me and they all are in relationships except me. I'm very sad and afraid for myself since I feel that the loneliness and fear have shattered me. I'm afraid that I'm not the same calm and cheerful person anymore.. I attend sessions with a specialist, but it is crucial for me to hear your opinion on this issue and get advice from you, because I really need it...

I've always used my social media accounts primarily for fun and to keep in touch with my friends. However, unfortunately, I began comparing myself to the people who have relationships and the amount of followers/friends they have. I tell myself, "How do you think you're going to find your Person when you don't have many friends on social media? If you have a lot of followers, only then, there is probably a chance for you to be noticed by someone." I can't express how extremely exhausting and destructive on my mental health this is. Even though I know people who have met on social networks and yet don't have many followers....

Also, I've never been a party person and I didn't like big companies. I have some good friends, but no companies. I don't have boy friends who could become anything more. I'm not a shy or socially anxious person, there are just people who like to be among many people, but there are also those who don't like and I'm from the second one. Therefore, I constantly torture my mind with questions like ''Should I change myself completely? Should I start forcing and pushing myself among companies with more people, even though it will make me feel uncomfortable and not good? Is that the only solution and key for finding My Person?''

When it comes to dancing or social hobbies, unfortunately, the things I like to do aren't social and at the moment, there is nothing new I would like to try. Should that terrify me? Does this really mean that I'm doomed to never meet my partner in life? I am afraid that I live my life wrongly, dooming myself to loneliness and unhappiness. But do I really have to change who I am? Isn't it important to stay true to who you are? Should I start forcing myself to get a lot of followers, push myself into companies, and go to activities that aren't interesting to me, just because those are the ways to find a boyfriend? I really feel awful and desperate, as if I am in a huge black hole, from which there is no escape and no light ...

You wrote the other day, did you not find any good advice in the replies?

Keep going to your therapist, you sound like you really need some help.

You can be alone in a crowd. Think about that. Just because some people seem to be surrounded by lots of other people doesn't mean they are happy or comfortable, only that they have others around them. Alone in a crowd.

Always be you. But maybe you need to lighten up a bit, break out of your comfort zone a bit. Doing what you are doing is not getting you the results you want, so you need to try a few more things to make some friends.

You've posted multiple times for about a year now about this same issue.

Have you sought professional help?

There's nothing wrong with you. You are perfectly ok as you are. You just need to stop comparing yourself to other people.

You don't have to be in a relationship. You don't have to have a lot of followers on social media, or force yourself into crowds of people when you don't enjoy it. These things aren't proof that everything is ok. And they certainly aren't the magic path to getting a boyfriend.

You're going through a period of uncertainty, which everyone deals with at one time or another. It's causing you anxiety. But there's nothing wrong with you.

You have to learn to believe in yourself, and to accept yourself as you are.

Take a break from social media and depressing comparing. get to a doctor about your despair, hopelessness and ruminating. Get on DATING apps. That is for finding "your person", not collecting social media followers.

You need to expand your friend group and interests. What do you like to do? Have you tried volunteering, Meetups, groups that share your interests - I realize there is a pandemic but there must be things where can distance safely.

You should never expect others to fulfill you, that is very unhealthy and a burden on others. You will not find a suitable partner, until you feel happy with yourself .

I haven’t used social media in years, and don’t miss it. Make an effort to interact with people in person, and open your mind to new things.

Why do you think others don’t like you?

Bottom line, you need to work on you or you will never find a suitable partner. If you want your life to change , then you need to change. Mr. Right is not going to come knocking on your door.

What Bolt said:

"You've posted multiple times for about a year now about this same issue.

Have you sought professional help?"

OP you were given opinions on your other recent thread, but never came back.

Why ask this?

" I attend sessions with a specialist, but it is crucial for me to hear your opinion on this issue and get advice from you, because I really need it...

"

What have we got that is so "crucial", leaving aside that you never come back to give feedback on the advice you are given.

"I really feel awful and desperate, as if I am in a huge black hole, from which there is no escape and no light ..."

You maintained in other threads that you are a religious person. If this is the case then (as I said before) please see a pastor/minister/parson in your religion, if only to straighten out your evident confusion. S/he will set you straight about despair.

So of course will the therapist (if you are seeing one) except from a different angle.

Do not fall into the trap of thinking the number of social media followers or friends or likes (or whatever rating system the platform has come up with) actually mean anything. Numbers can be manipulated. Some will be people who follow because they like one thing and then may no have any other contact with the person. Some people resort to crazy tactics to get more attention and followers. But these people aren't real friends. Social media can become a horrible obsession of trying to be more popular. And it can make you depressed if you can't keep up. That's not healthy. Stay away from social media if that is how it's making you feel.

Love is not a numbers game. Just because you know a million people, doesn't guarantee you'll know the right one. On the other hand, you might only be close to a handful, and the lucky one is in that group. Love comes in it's own time, we just need to hold on until then and learn to be happy with ourselves in the meanwhile. And personally, I'd rather only have a few true friends, then lots of "friends."

I'm not a party person either. And there is nothing wrong with that. Don't compare yourself to anyone else or try to change yourself to fit in with anyone else. One, you shouldn't have to change yourself for anyone. Two, it doesn't usually work. Trying to be someone you are not only makes you more uncomfortable and less likely to fit in. Instead, focus on you. Embrace who you are. Be the person you want to be and do what makes you happy.

I have felt just as done and depressed as you describe. Those have been the times I've doubted myself, wonder if I'm doomed to always be alone. But I've never tried to be anything other then me. I've stayed true to myself. And the times I've been at my best, when I've been completely open with who I am and not caring what anyone thought, those were the rate moments when people actually gravitated towards me. So try not to despair. Try to see the good in you and celebrate the person you are. A change in that perspective can make all the difference in the world.

Multiple accounts not allowed. Closed.