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Thread: My fiance needs space

  1. #1
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    My fiance needs space

    I was with my fiance for 8 months and all of a sudden he said he needed space ,he said I was to clingy and smothering him .I was in shock ,we had an amazing weekend together a few days before he dropped this bomb I have called him and texed him asking him why he is doing this to me ,we were supposed to be married in December, he is the one that set a date for us to be married. When I call or text him for answers, asking him why he is doing this, he has been saying some real cruel things to me.He said things like, are you going to sit around and blow up my phone all night you have absolutely else to do than sit around all day consumed in me it's annoying, you are pathetic you are not retarted have some self respect or at least fake you need to stop acting pathetic So I tell him to end things and he just tells me that he doesn't have to do to quit making excuses to text him that I am acting like a 12 year old and he is annoyed. I am so hurt I don't understand what I did wrong.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm sorry to hear this. He sounds very cruel. Are you sure this is someone you want to marry? I know there are a lot of things going through you right now and you're in pain. On top of that the person you were going to love through thick and thin is saying awful things about you.

    Can I ask what triggers these flurries of texts or calls in general or what triggers you to need reassurance in the relationship? He said he needed space. Why does he feel he doesn't have enough space? These can be warning signs and red flags that a person, at the most basic level, isn't meeting your needs in a relationship if you're automatically sensing that he's not honest with you or he's not quite emotionally available for example.

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    Because I want answers to why he is doing this to me. Than I tell him to end the relationship and he won't he just keeps saying that I acting pathetic.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It's because he doesn't respect you. If someone asks you not to do something and you continue to do it, you're not respecting the other person. That person loses respect for you. Somewhere along the way he lost respect for you. It's hard to understand right now and you're hurt but take a step back and see where you went wrong as well.

    Some people are unnecessarily cruel and can turn on a dime or are two-faced and unforgiving but that's usually what some break ups are. They can also happen without the other person suspecting it. Get to know someone for longer next time. Eight months is too short. Don't text or call him anymore. You're asking for more trouble doing that and you probably won't get the answers you're looking for. This person is becoming verbally abusive and very rude.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Candynercka
    Because I want answers to why he is doing this to me. Than I tell him to end the relationship and he won't he just keeps saying that I acting pathetic.
    It doesn't sound like he will give you any more answers than he already has. His answer is that he found you too clingy. End of story. It sounds like he is one of these people who initially gets too excited, idealizes and love bombs their partners (hence the hasty engagement) and after a while goes to the other extreme, becoming disillusioned about the real person and disposing them in an abrupt manner without prior warning. What you did wrong is that you trusted the wrong man. You are better off without him.

    The thing is that you need to take a step back and seriously reflect on this guy's actions. He has shown you that he is capable of mental abuse, jerked you around and called you pathetic. Yet, you are chasing after him and insist on staying in a relationship with him instead of breaking up with him yourself. You don't need his words to know that in reality he is not marriage material and that you need to drop him. His actions have already spoken loud and clear. It's on you to protect yourself and exit this toxic situation. Closure comes from within NOT from some guy who clearly sucks at respectful communication. Imo, this guy's actions are enough to break up with him yourself and you don't need him to do it for you.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Candynercka
    .He said things like, are you going to sit around and blow up my phone all night you have absolutely else to do than sit around all day consumed in me it's annoying, you are pathetic you are not retarted have some self respect or at least fake you need to stop acting pathetic So I tell him to end things and he just tells me that he doesn't have to do to quit making excuses to text him that I am acting like a 12 year old and he is annoyed. I am so hurt I don't understand what I did wrong.
    Nothing that would warrant this sort of verbal abuse, OP.

    Stay away from this person. He sounds awful, and would make a terrible husband. Do not marry this jerk.

  8. #7
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    I'm going to look at this from another angle. He told you he needed space and the reason is because he finds you too clingy. Your response to that was to NOT give him space but to keep ringing/texting him, thus demonstrating the very behaviour he said he needed space from. Then you taunt him into ending the relationship when, if his words were cruel and upsetting, you had the choice to do that yourself. I think you both need to take a good look at the way you behave towards the other and learn that respect has to go both ways. Him saying he needs space could be that he needs time to fully consider whether he still wants to be in a relationship with you. Use that time to consider the same thing yourself.

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    Well @poorlittlefish He hasn't seen his ex, which is his son's mother for a year, she got out of rehab on Sunday to see their son for the day he started acting cold and distant towards me all week than on Sunday the day he was going to see her he told me that he needed space. And I am not sure if this is why he is acting like this to me.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. He's still with his GF, you were just filler until she was out of rehab.

  11. #10
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    Why would someone do this to people make them believe all the lies I don't understand

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