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Thread: I'm loosing my mind because of her Dogs.

  1. #1
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    I'm loosing my mind because of her Dogs.

    Hello.

    I've been in a relationship for just over 2 years now with my girlfriend and I'm about to walk out the door and leave because of her dogs.
    I am a dog lover and I know the bond between a person and their animals. I also have a Jack Russel who means the world to me.
    My girlfriend has 2 Pekingese dogs. The most irritating dogs in the word because they only breath through their nose and they think they are the king of the Castle.
    We moved into a new home together to take our relationship to the next level. For the past 9 months I have been sleeping in a different room because the dogs snore all night and constantly bark, lick and try jump onto the bed. Last year I was taking schedule 5 sleeping tablets to get me through the snoring. But eventually that stopped working.
    My girlfriend inst open to the idea of putting the dogs in a different room for the night. She said if I don't like it then I must choose a different room to sleep in.
    My girlfriend has allergies and is allergic to dust. These 2 dogs have such long hair, they stink and they are always bringing crass and dust inside when they go outside. She insist on always picking them up onto the bed and the male dog lives on her lap when ever she sits down.

    They do get more attention than me and I know this is starting to get to me. They don't stop barking and blowing snot out of their nose and they snore ALL the time. Even when they are awake. The dogs are never ever more than a meter away from my girlfriend and they follow her everywhere.

    We just found out that my girlfriend is pregnant and this is what we wanted. To start a family. Last night I snapped at her because I am tired of living a separate life in different rooms. I want to get back in the bedroom and I want the dogs out of there.
    How do I approach because I have tried everything. Ive spoken to her about it and she knows the dogs annoy me. She loves these animals and I try to like them because she loves them.
    But I'm at a place now where I just want out because of these dogs.
    It might sound pathetic, but I cant block it out.

    What can I do?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Having a baby on the way complicates this on several levels.

    You cannot just walk away now and be free because of the baby.

    Ultimatums are rarely a good idea so finding a different angle to come at this is what is needed.

    Frankly as soon as she told me if I don't like it I could go sleep in another room that is just what I would have done but that other room would have been at another apartment or house and it would have been permanent.

    Sit down and talk to her and ask her what the plans are when the baby arrives? The baby will need constant attention, a very clean environment and both parents in the room sleeping so you can take turns with feedings and changing.

    Has she always been so rigid and uncaring of your feelings? Did she even care that you had to dope yourself to sleep in the same room with her and those dogs?

    Lost

    PS This isn't your best friends wife you were sleeping with behind his back is it?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Wow. . I am a dog lover and I understand that when you have that level of love you feel for them, you are able to overlook all the obnoxious behaviours that often come with it.
    But they aren't your pets, they are hers. You don't have that same level of attachment.
    I am with you. She should be able to still love her pets the same way she is accustomed to. But she should also be eager to compromise with you and geniunely care about your concerns.
    Her life as she knows it is changing. She shares a home with you and is expected a child with you. Her unwillingness, my way or the highway attitude is wrong.
    It's not that you are asking her to rehome her dogs. Just some adjustments that are reasonable.
    Keep working at a compromise. Compromise isn't always comfortable. Sometimes people have to concede and that might be uncomfortable. But it should be done with the attitude of good will.
    I doubt she wants to raise this baby alone and sharing custody with you.
    She needs to get her priorities in order.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    You've focused your anger on the dogs, but the dogs aren't and were never the problem - your girlfriend is. Now that she is pregnant, that's an even bigger issue where no, you can't just walk away anymore.

    You say that she loves those dogs, but it doesn't sound to me like she actually takes care of them properly. Her love is really very selfish as she treats them more like stuffed toys/surrogate children rather than animals with their own needs. Happy dogs don't go crazy barking all the time, etc. Mentally and emotionally balanced dogs are happy with giving others personal space and desire that themselves. Your girlfriend and the way she treats the dogs is what's creating the issues, not the dogs. They don't have a choice on how their owner treats them and can only respond and cope accordingly. Also, well kept and groomed dogs don't stink or itch and lick all night long. Small dogs in bed.....you can hurt them by rolling over them in your sleep.

    My advice is find and talk to a really good dog trainer and maybe you can arrange a sort of intervention with your gf, have a professional open her eyes to what she is doing to her dogs. I don't doubt she loves them, so perhaps being told off by someone else will wake her up to how much she is actually mistreating the dogs.

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  6. #5
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    The girlfriend is the problem. Not only are the dogs out of control due to a lack of basic training, but her unwillingness to put them in a separate room, is ridiculous.

    Aren't these animals getting baths?

    Have you considered counseling?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Hobbit.

    I second every word DF just said and I also endorse the advice given by the other posters.

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    My corgi has had over $3k worth of training, and super hands on, an she's super smart, and she barks all the time. And has nothing to do with training. She's a herding dog, and it's just gonna happen. When my youngest was coming, I trained my corgi to sleep in her own bed with a trainer's help. And now she rarely sleeps with us. And the snoring, I dunno, my youngest, both our dogs, I snore, hubs snores. I just think you need to find a way to relax. Get some ear plugs. Yes, you are the king of the castle, BUT YOU'RE NOT. The baby will be. I mean, you knew about these dogs long before moving in, and I'm sure you've slept over plenty of times. I think you need to bond with them. Take them on walks, feed them without her, like at all. This will honestly prep you for a child - unconditional love - no matter how much they poop, barf on you, and cry in the night. There is lots of joy to be had. So buckle up! Always take the good with the bad.

    The following around part? Sorry, my corgi follows me everywhere - it's annoying, but after two kids, she just wants to be around her most favorite person.
    Last edited by tattoobunnie; 09-04-2020 at 12:57 PM.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    This is what you do....that type of breed needs to be professionally groomed, washed/hair trimmed, nails trimmed. Suggest they get a routine makeover at Petsmart or a pet food super store that offers grooming. Most you can schedule on line for an appointment...not that expensive. Plus they probably could use a dental cleaning. Next, suggest the dogs have their own beds in the room. It might take some training but like the others have said, talk to a trainer for advice. Next, get a white noise machine. They are inexpensive, and work. The white noise will block out the snoring. My husband swears by them, when he has to travel with his boss...they both snore real bad...lots of hotels have them. A cheap alternative is earplugs and an expensive alternative is noise canceling headphones. I had a set of Bose, and man do they work. I'm sure their are cheaper brands. All in all, if you two want a future together, you BOTH need to learn compromise and come to an agreement. Just stop being apprehensive about it. With the baby coming, your lives will be upside down so you better work on being able to adapt to every situation.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I love when people blame the dogs for the symptoms of the brachycephalia they're bred and bought for. They're always going to be loud because its airways being smashed in with a frying pan means they'll only ever breathe under respiratory distress. They're likely always going to smell because the fact they constantly have to breathe in through their mouths means they're taking in more air while they eat and drink, causing a buildup in gas. Not fun for you. Certainly not fun for them. Try to properly direct your frustrations. At the end of the day, the dogs are a package deal. Personally, I didn't date or continue to date women who were into toy breeds precisely because I assumed there's a decent chunk of obnoxiousness there that would likely translate into other facets, including raising kids. Easy issue to avoid. Why you knocked her up amid the circumstances is kinda beyond me.

    Your best bet is counseling. While I'm sure she has no interest raising a kid alone because of the dogs, I bet she assumes just as well that you-- at least in her eyes-- wouldn't put her in that position simply over the dogs. You both owe it to each other to have the issue professionally mediated. If she won't buck on dog arrangements, you've got some hard decisions to make.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Your girlfriend's dogs take top priority over you. Will the dogs take priority over the newborn, too?

    Since she's not willing to accommodate both you and her dogs, continue sleeping in the other room OR move out and co-parent.

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