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Thread: Just broke up with a married man I was never with...

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by jenberry
    So perceptive, thank you! You're right. I replaced one rubbish guy for another, who told me he was a feminist and supporter of women, but actually screwed over his wife again and again. I intend to seriously heal now. I don't know what that will look like or what form it will take but that is my intention. I have no desire to find another guy anytime soon.
    LOL. My ex did that, too. Maybe, that is code for cheating sleaze bag!

  2. #22
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Now there's a helluva a line in chat. L.

    "who told me he was a feminist and supporter of women,"

    Laughing out loud at you Holly!!

  3. #23
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jenberry
    So perceptive, thank you! You're right. I replaced one rubbish guy for another, who told me he was a feminist and supporter of women, but actually screwed over his wife again and again. I intend to seriously heal now. I don't know what that will look like or what form it will take but that is my intention. I have no desire to find another guy anytime soon.
    The thing about healing is it almost always involves growth. Going into it blindly is not a good idea. Think about the kind of woman you want to be and the kind of life you would like to live and then start down that path. Everyone is different and everyone has strengths they would like to build on and weaknesses they want to get rid of. Do some soul searching and then start a list. Leave the list laying around where you spend a lot of time and when something pops into your head write it down. After you have some good notes sit down and really think about what you wrote and then set some goals. Once that is done a game plan is needed so you stay on track.

    Of course all of us here will always help in what ever way we can. Instead of thinking about this as a failure, think about it as a kick in the pants you needed to make your life what you always wanted. While you are working on your emotional health now is a great time to work on your physical health as well. There are a ton of emotional benefits to working out and staying healthy so try and include that on your list.

    Make sure you block and lose the married guys number and never communicate with him ever again.

    Keep posting

    Lost

  4. #24
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    The pup in your pic is so sweet.
    He looked like a stuffed toy back then. He is an Australian Shepherd Red Merle and turned 6 in July. Still acts like a puppy every second of every day...

    I guess I should change to a recent pic of him.

    Lost

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by lostandhurt
    The thing about healing is it almost always involves growth. Going into it blindly is not a good idea. Think about the kind of woman you want to be and the kind of life you would like to live and then start down that path. Everyone is different and everyone has strengths they would like to build on and weaknesses they want to get rid of. Do some soul searching and then start a list. Leave the list laying around where you spend a lot of time and when something pops into your head write it down. After you have some good notes sit down and really think about what you wrote and then set some goals. Once that is done a game plan is needed so you stay on track.

    Of course all of us here will always help in what ever way we can. Instead of thinking about this as a failure, think about it as a kick in the pants you needed to make your life what you always wanted. While you are working on your emotional health now is a great time to work on your physical health as well. There are a ton of emotional benefits to working out and staying healthy so try and include that on your list.

    Make sure you block and lose the married guys number and never communicate with him ever again.

    Keep posting

    Lost
    Thank you Lost (your username betrays your wisdom!) You're so right. During my last breakup, I made it my intention to get fit, lose weight and be consistent with diet and exercise. I've been very successful with this. My emotional health is another issue! I still seek validation from men, specifically Mr Married. Obviously this is something that will need to change, though I'm not quite sure where to begin. Definitely something to ponder xx

  7. #26
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    The first step is the most important one, Jen. Nothing wrong with a little validation from the right kind of man!

  8. #27
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jenberry
    Thank you Lost (your username betrays your wisdom!) You're so right. During my last breakup, I made it my intention to get fit, lose weight and be consistent with diet and exercise. I've been very successful with this. My emotional health is another issue! I still seek validation from men, specifically Mr Married. Obviously this is something that will need to change, though I'm not quite sure where to begin. Definitely something to ponder xx
    I see a new thread in your future. There are absolutely wonderful women on here that have been through exactly what you have been through that can help you. All you have to do is ask and of course listen to their advice. Going it alone is silly when there is a wealth of knowledge right here for you.

    Lessons learned by others and shared is a huge gift but treat it with reverence.

    Best wishes
    Lost

  9. #28
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    I agree, this community is so loving and supportive. I definitely want to heed the advice you've given me so far by staying on the no contact path. This man has been a prominent part of my life for a long time now so I don't imagine it will be easy to be without him, but as my mum said 'you never had him in the first place'. Sometimes breaking away from the potential of someone, the fantasy, is the most difficult part. xx

  10. #29
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    But he was just words on a screen and a voice over an electronic device. He couldn't have been a "prominent part" of your life when you never, not once, spent time with him in person. Or even saw him in person.

    He's as much a "prominent part" of your life as a character on a television show or in a film. Just tell yourself that; he was a character on a show. I think it will help.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    But he was just words on a screen and a voice over an electronic device. He couldn't have been a "prominent part" of your life when you never, not once, spent time with him in person. Or even saw him in person.

    He's as much a "prominent part" of your life as a character on a television show or in a film. Just tell yourself that; he was a character on a show. I think it will help.
    Yes, this does help. We video chatted every day, and I formed an impression of what he'd be like in person. I guess that's all part of the fantasy that I need to get over. The reality is probably very different and I'll never know.

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