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Thread: Nobody text me / call me. What should I do?

  1. #1
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    Nobody text me / call me. What should I do?

    Hi,new to this forum.
    Sry it's a long text I know.


    When I use to have friends (Either female or male) at the first stages, we are equally interested in the discussion, maybe they are more interested than me, but after a while this is just me sending messages, they won t start a conversation until I start. I text more than them and don t use strategy in my relationships but I feel they (especially females) do. I m an over thinker, I use strategic thinking all the day but never wanted to use them in relationships because I found relationships somewhere to get out of my "logic zone" and I say it to myself if I should use strategies in relationships too, so why shouldn t I continue being alone? Right now, I m in a relationship with one of my classmates which is a female(university) and she replies late, 1-2 days later and the problem is she never texts me until I do. Should I choose the split option now? And what about other friendships(Not sure if it is a "friendship" ???!!!) I m having right now which are exactly like my relationship with the one I described above? I'm 23, I have had girlfriends older than me(29-30 y.o) and they were a lot more interested in talking with me than my classmates. Well my appearance isn't that bad to cause me to be ignored, I'm also a valedictorian in my university and I'm not talking with proud about it but I felt my classmates(females) were curious about me, but again it happens everytime, I go into relationship and I rage quit the way I described above. IDK what's wrong with me or them?





    The energy distribution is like 95 % I give and 5 % I receive! 😕 it happens all the time.

    If it even matters, I don't live in the US.
    My question aside from seeking for help on this , is : What should I do with my relationshlts* I'm having right now.

    I have online friends but they won't text me until I send a message, and I feel my energy and commitment is not being reciprocated.

  2. #2
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    I just feel cold inside and quite frustrated

  3. #3
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    I don't understand what you mean by a "strategy"?

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I don't understand what you mean by a "strategy"?
    Just forget about the strategy one, it's a cultural thingy. Just to let you know, people here, specifically females, use strategies/tricks to attract males and after that, they invest a lot lower energy into relationships and that's why I asked if I should use strategies or not.I know that seems quite weird, but here it's going to be part of culture I guess that both males and females show less affection compared before relationships including marriage.That's why the divorce rate is skyrocketing.
    Friendships between the two sex is not common and often is a failure, because there is no mutual understanding from the either gender.

    So I think you've got the gist of my problem about the relationships with females but it's not my only question, I have explained everything above.
    From strategy I mean showing the same interest as they do, meaning way less texting and calling than what currently is.

    Let me tell you something you won't believe. Here where I live, females are like this: If you show affection and love, they fade away, but if you don't show any interest, they will follow you. I myself am shocked seeing this with my own eyes but that's the fact. Now I got here to ask if I should do such thing??!!(Doing things that make them follow me) or just stop relationships and just continue studying(Well that is definitely a difficult one, working my way toward getting an admission for MA to study abroad).

    And the other question is about relationshlts with persons that never start the discussion and or send messages/ call. What should I do? Again the question about strategies comes to my mind whether I should show as much affection as they do?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Can I ask where is "here", OP?

    It all sounds most awfully convoluted! Not to say somewhat manipulative.

    Showing interest and showing affection are two different things. At the outset (first meetings) you would show an interest in the other person, in who they are, their life and so on, you would NOT at that early stage do the "love and affection" bit. I cannot see the connection between "less affection" while starting to date and skyrocketing divorce rates. Generally divorce comes about due to incompatability, having nothing in common with the spouse, failure to work at the marriage and a host of other reasons.

    Nothing, but nothing, can "make" someone follow you if that person doesn't want to do so. And playing games sure won't do it.

  7. #6
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    This sounds like a lot of games. I would never attach this method to dating or friendships. Could it be that you are befriending the wrong people?

    I agree, this does sound very manipulative, and people are probably picking up on it. Do you also come off as a bit desperate? Do you meet up with people, or simply text?

    If people do not reciprocate contact, I move on.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by LaHermes
    Can I ask where is "here", OP?

    It all sounds most awfully convoluted! Not to say somewhat manipulative.

    Showing interest and showing affection are two different things. At the outset (first meetings) you would show an interest in the other person, in who they are, their life and so on, you would NOT at that early stage do the "love and affection" bit. I cannot see the connection between "less affection" while starting to date and skyrocketing divorce rates. Generally divorce comes about due to incompatability, having nothing in common with the spouse, failure to work at the marriage and a host of other reasons.

    Nothing, but nothing, can "make" someone follow you if that person doesn't want to do so. And playing games sure won't do it.
    That's what I wanted to know. I ask myself why I should play such games, THEY ACTUALLY PLAY, 101% sure. The reason again lies in the culture and the society itself...

    Well, one of the sanctioned countries...

    I cannot see the connection between "less affection" while starting to date and skyrocketing divorce rates.
    No, I was talking about after dating, even marriage itself. There is NO mutual understanding, boys and girls from the first years of school study in separation, in different schools up to the last years of high school.

    And university is the first year the two genders come into connection, so I think it shouldn't be that surprising.(Even of the same genders male-male , female-female)

    So what would you do If you were me? I afraid if I continue relationships I give up on love and the things I found most valuable .


    This was my question about the relationship with the opp sex.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Oh come off it - naming a country is not personally identifying. If you want proper advice then please do share that info where this culture supposedly exists.

    Otherwise you just sound like you are cerebral, but socially clueless and becoming bitter as you can't figure out how to socialize properly and perceive games more than they really exist. Sure, people play games like you describe everywhere, but that's more of an individual thing not an overall pervasive culture.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    I agree with what DancingFool says.

    And no, you will not be identifying yourself by saying what country (and if you don't want to do that then at least say what Continent!).You gave me a bit of a clue with "sanctioned" so I'll chance a country beginning with letter "I".

    Anyhow, I am still puzzled. Why would anyone marry someone with whom they have no Understanding?! Or some common or shared interests, or common goal. It is generally expected and love/affection/respect/kindness are to be found within a marriage.

    Also puzzled about this remark:

    "I afraid if I continue relationships I give up on love and the things I found most valuable .
    "


    Again, don't play games, doesn't matter where you are. Meet in a group, be friendly, keep it light, and give it time.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Oh come off it - naming a country is not personally identifying. If you want proper advice then please do share that info where this culture supposedly exists.

    Otherwise you just sound like you are cerebral, but socially clueless and becoming bitter as you can't figure out how to socialize properly and perceive games more than they really exist. Sure, people play games like you describe everywhere, but that's more of an individual thing not an overall pervasive culture.
    Well, Iran

    The problem is I have never accustomed to things people do here, my friends were mostly online from another countries, since I know how this country is, I tried to invest less energy finding real friends here where I live. So I'm not quite familiar with the way they play games and I SHOULDN'T know either because I don't want to spend my time playing those games and especially with females, I found their emotions to be more valuable than playing games and the fact that they WILL anyway play games to attract, so I had to quit the game 5 years prior and focus on my studying in hopes of getting an admission, so I will be able to make connections with people thinking like me, with less cultural gaps.
    I was isolated for 5 years but continued my online friendships, "BUT after a terrible dating(my first dating in where I live) , I lost confidence for a while and became too obsessed about the reciprocation thing that affected all my online friendships that I made over years and eventually I become alone.
    THIS is why I started this topic, believe or not I tried many times but it was all failure because of the mental pressures and society barriers for the females here(they are living a tough life)
    So my question was if I should stop making friendships out of internet and see in person here where I live? That will be a failure again and will affect my confidence, but I feel lonely. Just take this into consideration that the economic crisis here has made people behave like zombies, because the very basic needs are not satisfied and that is affecting relationships as well.
    So that has become a game and I'm reluctant if I ever should enter this game?

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