All of my friends are standing up in a wedding.. except me

I really need advice. I am good friends with a group of 3 girls that I have known since we were in high school (10+ years). After high school we all went our separate ways going to different colleges. We kept in contact and would usually see each other once a year but I wasn’t as close as I used to be with them because of work, relationships, etc. We finally all live in the same area and within the past year we have gotten very close again. We have celebrated all our birthdays, holidays and events together the past year and see each other all at least once a week. One of the girls who I was always the closest with, is recently engaged. She has asked the other 2 girls, as well as 6 others, to be in her bridal party. I am a wedding vendor and she has asked about using my services, expecting discounts & also asked me to make her items to ask the girls to stand up in the wedding. Every time we’re together all 3 of them talk about wedding details, plans, bachelorette party etc., always ask my opinion & at this point it is really bothering me. With her not asking me to stand up in the wedding is one thing, I might’ve felt a little bummed but got over it. But now I’m always with them and that’s ALL that is talked about & I feel so left out and awkward. They asked my opinion for everything for the bachelorette party and even asked for advice on booking, and I’m not invited. I don’t know how to handle this without ruining the friendship between us. Can anyone offer advice?

I'm glad you eventually recovered from not being asked to be in her bridal party. Even though it's an honor to be a member of the bridal party, often times it's actually better to sit in the pews, observe the wedding ceremony and enjoy the reception. It's less work, expense and time for you.

I hope you're invited to the wedding. If not, ask the betrothed (bride-to-be) why you were uninvited. I'd ask given how close your group of friends are ever since you've reunited with them post-college. I wouldn't push it about the bachelorette party though. Being invited to the wedding is more important.

Remain gracious throughout. Always show class and remain calm.

Do you know why you weren't asked?

Could it have been that her groom only had a certain amount of people to stand up for him and so the bride had a limited number of bridesmaids she could ask?

That happens quite often as they want an even amount on both sides.

Ask why you weren't invited. If you have been friends this long, they should be able to understand that it bothers you. It does seem a bit rude to expect you to give them ideas for the wedding, but not actually have you there. So talk it over with them. Be polite and reasonable, but let them know how you feel. It's not good for you to keep it in.

I would not ask why you weren't included in the wedding party. That could be uncomfortable for all.

I wouldn't call them friends if they are that oblivious to how this would affect you....Maybe they think you wouldn't be all that interested in being a part of this as you are a wedding vendor. I think it's something so innocent, not malicious. I don't think it's petty in how you feel. You have two choices....talk to her about how you feel, and see, or you keep your mouth shut, and make your assessment of what truly is a friendship to you, and figure out it out from there.

It looks to me like they see you as someone beyond standing there as if you're an expert in the wedding industry. You may also have made an offhand comment in the past (or even way back in history) that you aren't interested in being an active part in a wedding ceremony. It doesn't sound like they're excluding you from anything. Seems more like a misunderstanding.

Maybe suggest to your friend if she needs another bridemaid you'd be honoured and you miss the four of you being a team or the golden girls or whatever. It's her choice after all so whatever it is don't get too offended if she does say no. You can phrase it in a way that's a bit gentler than outright questioning her why you're not in the bridal party.

They asked my opinion for everything for the bachelorette party and even asked for advice on booking, and I’m not invited. I don’t know how to handle this without ruining the friendship between us. Can anyone offer advice?

You were not invited to the bachelorette party? were you invited to the wedding?

I would not ask why you weren't included in the wedding party. That could be uncomfortable for all.

No, but I would bring up "btw, i was just curious -- we hang out a lot as a group and was just wondering since the sally, katie and betty lou are going to your bachelor party, was there something i did to have been excluded?" Or just be the bigger person and find other friends to spend time with.