Jump to content

Gotta stop wearing love on my sleeve


Recommended Posts

I literally started talking to this guy about eight months ago (yeah not long). I was just honestly looking for a one night stand someone to pass the time. I decided upon him. Wonder guy, sweet, hard working, good kisser. My intent was no feeling attached where as he wanted more from me. More time, more attention, more commitment. He started demanding (not in a controlling way) that I start coming around more. Which I should not have but I did. Very since then he’d broke down his feeling about needing me more and wanting to be with me. Months go by regularly great, we take trips, meet family and forms and then one day he goes missing from 8am to 11pm on an off day. I may be overreacting but I could never stop talking to someone I care about for that long unless something was wrong. He explained he left his phone and couldn’t contact me and I’m like sure I understand just hope it never happens again. It did. It started to increase about 3x he would disappear the same amount of time. Yeah I got upset and cursed him out but he shrugged it off and kept going. We broke up. He brung all my stuff to my house and we didn’t talk for a week until he started texting me that he screwed up and was so sad. Well we talked and I understood and those days stopped. So now guess what 3 months later their back but this time. I’ve moved closer to him (just so happened nothing crazy). He still is around regularly but two days ago he went missing an entire day. He told me he lost his phone but fb showed he was active a few hrs before. No call no text. I just told him to bring my key. (Yes I’m short tempered but I hate being jerked around.) He tells me he has to move out of his apt and he’d left his phone and didn’t have it so he couldn’t contact me. And he’s packing because he has to move from his place. It still sounds like a lie. Because a notice has to be given but in my heart not only do it sound like a lie but sounds like he may be moving with whomever was the one he would spend 12 hrs with all day. My feeling are crushed. My heart is heavy. He is dealing with his own stuff but fails to communicate and told me that he doesn’t want to communicate to me. No communication in a relationship is no relationship. I fell hard because it seemed as tho he had his hands out to catch me, in reality he was going to catch but let me fall and just say “sorry”. I’m just hurt looking for some good words and smiles to come from this. And someone to tell me why I’m in so much emotional pain. I feel like I’m literally dying as he walked out with all his belongings and no he didn’t request to stay.

Link to comment

He is 38 yrs old and I’m 30. He has his own place I’d visit him but when I moved closer he pretty much moved in. He wanted to make it easier (so I didn’t have to cancel for no sitter and just make it easier on me). According to him he sits at the bar all day drinking. To me he sounds depressed and he can’t give me all of him because he’s still stuck on the past.. I don’t drink often. I’m a mom, good regular job and a tight schedule. Yes he loves my kids (he doesn’t have any), but he Doesn’t drink in front of them. He’ll take them fishing, to the park when I work, cook clean help with homework. But he’s stuck in the past about everything so it seems it blocks his future with me. But this time seemed almost intentional. He knows I hate when he’s missing that long and I only ask for him to just let me in and be the person he talks to. I can’t be your girlfriend if you block me out. But he said yesterday “I don’t want you to help me. I don’t want to tell you anything.” It hurt.

Link to comment

Before you date again, better sort out what you really want and stick with it. If you want a relationship, then don't start out by looking for something casual. Those who are looking for casual are not going to be relationship type people precisely because they either have or are dealing with some issues or simply don't want more. So, if you start out with that and find that you get attached, you'll get hurt a lot as that will attract a lot of wrong people to you.

 

If you do decide that you would like a stable relationship, then think long and hard what you want in a man, what deal breakers you have and come armed with lots of patience to weed out all those who don't measure up. Take some control of your dating life.

 

Another thing to consider is that if he is truly drinking all day, he is an alcoholic. The whole disappearing for days, no contact.....honestly, I'd wonder if the guy has a double life he is leading right under your nose. Should have dumped him the first time he did it or the second if the you were convinced the first time that the excuse was plausible. I think you need to open your eyes way more to huge red flags flapping in your face before you jump into a relationship with anyone. He wanted it. is not an excuse for you to roll over and go along with it. Stop and evaluate if this person is even worth getting involved with. Raise your standards a lot. It will save you a lot of hurt and pain. This is nothing to do with wearing your heart on your sleeve. It's about making better choices for yourself and believing that you can.

Link to comment

That may be possible or he could’ve been looking for another one while we were together because it’s no way possible to have another family and he’s been living with me everyday for the past three months. He car was in the shop the past three weeks and I was dropping him off and picking him up. His days off he spent normally with my kids but as of lately yes he spent this entire day gone. He is an alcoholic and reminisces about the past all the time. I try and confort him being his listening ear to his issues that he has had and guiding him to something more positive. I wanted a fwb he wanted me. To me it’s like i was swooned in because he deifinitely knew my intent and we agreed that was fine but how can u lead a double life demanding I’m with u everyday all day? He may very well have and if he did ok my lost. But it was evil of him to swoon me in and get caught up on hand crafted gifts, dinner, movies and I kept going like a dumb a**. It is my fault for allowing it to build but somehow I allowed him to open my heart only for him to crush it. He may have found someone who can dedicate more time to him because obviously I’m an extremely busy person but he likes to be used. He has told me on multiple occasions that he wants to be needed. I don’t need a man but once we continued and he showed me in the beginning how he was I admit I dropped a few walls. He was a knight in shining armour I just wish i paid attention to a lot of things. He hasn’t messaged me today but did last night saying he was sorry and just needs to sort out his life. I have told myself I wouldn’t respond and still ended up sending a video of us laughing having fun and also a song “Hold me while you wait.” I’ve failed myself when I sent that message I’m trying to get pst him and try not to go back but it’s been hard. I may have loved things about him but he literally was the sweetest nicest man you’ll ever meet. He’d give the homeless the shirt off his back and all the money in his pockets. He told me loved me all the time but I just can’t shake him for some reason. Is it because I was the stead fast one and he got through my walls. Showing me what a real man was and then left only to say he’s sulking about his past.

Link to comment

Ooofff.....a real man will not love bomb you and actually respect what you want or don't want.

 

What you are describing isn't sweet at all, but rather a needy alcoholic who trampled over your boundaries to get at whatever he wants until he stopped wanting it or found a bigger better deal. Who knows.

 

Please block him and delete him from everything. Also, please please rethink how you perceive relationships and even yourself. No healthy relationship starts out by a man "breaking down" your walls. For you to find a healthy, good quality partner, you also need to be emotionally healthy and open to that. In short, you need to fix your picker like yesterday. Healthy and lasting real life relationships do not start out like a rom com, OP.

Link to comment

He was nothing of the kind Sadlion!

 

"but he literally was the sweetest nicest man you’ll ever meet. He’d give the homeless the shirt off his back and all the money in his pockets. He told me loved me all the time but I just can’t shake him for some reason. Is it because I was the stead fast one and he got through my walls"

 

As DF just said:

 

"Healthy and lasting real life relationships do not start out like a rom com, OP."

 

Next time, keep your heart to yourself. It is yours. And work on getting those boundaries into good shape.

 

If someone or something seems to be too good to be true, then watch out!

 

As my grandmother would say: "Too sweet to be wholesome".

Link to comment

You are very tight he was waasyyyy to good to be true and I’ve told myself he was perfect knowing no one was (in the beginning). I overlooked a lot and now and holding myself accountable. Love/lust blinds you. He stole my happiness and now that it’s home he left. Thank you. I’m still happy just need self healing.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...