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Thread: asexual partner

  1. #1
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    asexual partner

    Greetings. So, I've been through something I cant't really fix, or just can't find any solution, so I've thought I might should try write my problem down, and read other people opinions, so long story short - I'm at relationship with amazing person, she is kind, smart, gorgeous, and so much more, I trust her my life, I love her for sure. So we know each other since we were like 16 years old, now we early 20's, we been together as a couple year and a half, everything is just AMAZING, but one small (Maybe not that small) - sex. Since we became couple we haven't rushed physical things, we kept it cool and waited for perfect, romantic, well atleast that's what I thought, half a year ago, there were many romantic moments and stuff, but she never was intrested in that, and then I noticed that she a little bit different, she needs time, well I thought - It's okay, I'll wait, she just needs a bit sometime, and I was right, we had sex later after couple of months, but she really didn't enjoyed it, we had since like maximum 8 times, and its just basically was just for me, she saw that I want it so badly, that she even does it, even if she doesn't want for sure, and it makes me feel so bad, thinking that I'm doing something wrong and I'm bad at it, but it isin't my first partner which I had sex, before her I've been in relationship with other girl for almost 2 years, everything was pretty good, but she wasn't best person, but sex was just amazing, we both enjoyed it, much of the time she wanted more than me, even she usually would start just starting making me just so I would have sex with her, it's pretty hard to think that this used to happen ;D... I mean, I can't be that bad, if my previous ex used to beg me for sex? Of course we all are different, but it doesn't seem that perform bad at it, ex used to say all the time, that i please her, she loves the way I do, and what I do wrong, and what I should do more. I can't say that I'm ugly or unattractive, I'm very athletic guy, not that ugly, tall, friendly, nor abusive, a guy who may will have carrer - studying IT, at the same time being at military. Anyways back to my current partner, while we had sex, I always ask her what she did she like, what not, what should I do more, but all I get that she didn't enjoyed anything at all, I tried everytime something new, basically tried always turning her on, massages, kisses... much more... All she says, she just doesn't feel anything and that's why she doesn't like it, well at the start my ex didn't really feel anything, but she wanted to feel it, and she kept going, and always was on fire, always turned on to achieve it finnaly, even tho she didin't feelt anything, she still liked that we had our time, you know. But current, she is just asexual, I'm sorry if I sound very rude, or anything, I'm writing this from my duty, writing anything that gets on my mind. Yes, sex isn't most important thing, but it's the part of the relationship, so guys, I just want hear out your opinions, gonna respect them all, even the hate I'm gonna get. Peace!
    P.S I'm sorry for my bad writing and basic vocabulary, not my native language Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    If you knew your sex life with this woman would remain exactly as it is right now for the rest of your life, would you want to stay in this relationship?

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    Yes, her personality is one of the kind. I'm really feeling being loved and cared, sex isin't most important thing as I said previously, but as I said it has part in, and I want to fix, I want her to help start loving sex, tbh for now everything is just amazing, but this thing, that's why I want to fix, to make our relationship just like in some kinda fairy tale.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Perhaps she should see her doctor to find out if there is a physical reason for her lack of interest in sex. This is possible.

    Some peope are truly asexual and nothing is going to change that. Can you live like this for the rest of your life with this woman?

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  6. #5
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    Yes, answer is yes, just like in previous reply, I've already had relationships where sex was amazing, but the basic of relationships wasin't that good.

  7. #6
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    Being asexual is more common then you would think. Personally, if I otherwise had a great relationship with someone, I wouldn't let it get in the way. While I'm sure sex would be a great thing to have a relationship, it not the only thing and not the most important thing. For me it's more important to have someone who cares for and understands me, who I can care for and understand in return. The emotional connection is what I would want from sex anyway and if I can get that in other ways, then I would be fine. But it's really about what you are want. Can you be content with what you have right now? Would no sex be something that would cause problems for you or lead to resentment? If you are fine with things, that's good. If you aren't, that's fine as well. You should both have what you need from a relationship.

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    I'm pretty fine, I do agree with you, that It is more important to feel loved and cared, all I am trying to find solution, to achieve in sex both, to help her and myself.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    You can't make her want or enjoy sex.

    Has she said she wishes she could enjoy sex?

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    Yes, she did mentioned several times that she wish she would like to enjoy sex.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Were you her first? If not, what was her sex life with her previous partner?

    If she wishes she enjoyed sex then imo she needs to seek medical advice/ explore what the problem might be with a professional who specializes in sexual issues. If she is asexual, then imo you two are incompatible and you need to break up. You may say that you are willing to overlook her asexuality but in reality this doesn't sound like something you can live with in the long-term. You are too young to give up on sex and getting it from others while staying in a relationship with her would probably become messy. Emotional connection is good but a healthy relationship needs both people to be on the same page regarding sex.

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