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I don't trust him anymore, he shares our private conversations


Sottomarina

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I have been with my partner for 10 years, I don't trust him anymore. I don't know what it is, it might be stupid but I have always felt I could trust him but recently, I don't feel the same. He is Italian, he has a brother who has a girlfriend, I don't see her as a threat but she is always flirting with my partner and he talks to her back, shares little smiles with her and I can't stand it. Today I found out that he has been talking with his brother about this situation and I am livid that he is sharing our intimate and personal details. I just feel like I can't make it work with him anymore. Should I confront his brother about what my partner has told him or would that look over the top?

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Is there a language barrier? How do you know what he and his brother talk about?

 

Forget the brothers GF and put that jealousy aside.

 

What's the real issue here? His nationality, language, what he discusses with his brother or your jealousy with regard to the gf?

 

It doesn't sound like it's been perfect for 10yrs and all of a sudden you are having problems because he talks to his brother or the gf smiled at your bf.

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Is there a language barrier? How do you know what he and his brother talk about?

 

Forget the brothers GF and put that jealousy aside.

 

What's the real issue here? His nationality, language, what he discusses with his brother or your jealousy with regard to the gf?

 

It doesn't sound like it's been perfect for 10yrs and all of a sudden you are having problems because he talks to his brother or the gf smiled at your bf.

 

It's not the language barrier because I speak Italian fluently. It hasn't been perfect recently, we're not intimate any more and he also suggested that he wasn't attracted to me any more - which he said after I pressed him for a reason. We argue because he doesn't want to get married and I do. I don't think we're going anywhere and we can't seem to have a constructive argument without it blowing up into an argument. I am moving countries to be with him, forsaking career prospects in my native country and I don't see him making any sacrifices or wanting to commit to be with me.

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To my mind, he is venting because he thinks I am being unreasonable. But I feel like our relationship is very insecure, I am trying to do so much to be with him and I feel like he is always pushing me aside and we just don't want the same things. His brother was talking to me, and saying that he has another friend who hates this particular girl as well and he was saying that she was crazy. This happened before I found out that he had been talking about me and my boyfriend, but now I just feel like he is talking behind my back and it makes me feel betrayed.

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What is the tone of the conversation? Is he confiding in him so that his brother can talk to his gf to tell her to stop the flirting? Or, is he venting that your jealousy is unreasonable?

 

To my mind, he is venting because he thinks I am being unreasonable. But I feel like our relationship is very insecure, I am trying to do so much to be with him and I feel like he is always pushing me aside and we just don't want the same things. His brother was talking to me, and saying that he has another friend who hates this particular girl as well and he was saying that she was crazy. This happened before I found out that he had been talking about me and my boyfriend, but now I just feel like he is talking behind my back and it makes me feel betrayed.

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Getting upset over who he smiles at and dictating what he can and can't talk to his brother about. Yikes.

 

To my mind, it's not as simple as that, this girl is always trying to joke about and flirt with him. Surely if someone talks about you behind your back, about your private relationship issues, that feels like betrayal to me.

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Don’t move countries and give up opportunities for someone who has not committed to you and tells you he is not attracted to you any longer. Why would you even want a relationship like that when there are millions of other men in the world? Break up, stay where you are and work on your career and your self esteem. You can do better, even alone.

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I'm sorry to hear this. I think anyone who has been in your position for even a fraction of a moment or felt sidelined by a partner's intentions will understand what you're going through. I think it pays more to be a bit more observant going forward and keep your own counsel. This means don't start fights or try to pit the brothers against each other. Don't confide in your boyfriend's brother because he can just as easily speak with someone else about you.

 

It's sometimes best not to do anything but observe until you can make up your mind about whether you want to continue pursuing a life with this person. When are you planning to move? This sounds like a move that is not in your best interests. Never move if it means that your career is jeopardized or you aren't able to sustain yourself or make a living independently of your relationship successfully enough. You're already creating an insecure starting point for yourself where you're less than what you could have been. You're creating a reality for yourself that is already subpar so don't blame it on your boyfriend if things start falling apart once you move for him.

 

Start thinking a bit more strategically and keep watching his actions and how he behaves. Be careful who you confide with.

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Why would you sacrifice yourself, your life, your career, your personal financial security to go be with a man who doesn't want the same things that you want in life such as marriage and on top of that, all the other issues you are describing.....what are you doing?

 

Maybe it's time for you to stop, take a deep breath, step away from all this pushing and pulling you've been doing for years already and....well....rethink your options and your life choices.

 

Giving up your personal life will leave you a dependent, but not a wife. With the sex being gone and him telling that he is no longer attracted to you.....this relationship is over.

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Sottomarina:

 

You say:

 

"I am moving countries to be with him,"

 

But yet you have been there with him for ten years. Is this correct?

 

Ten years is quite a while. At the outset were you aware he did not wish to marry, ever?

 

Anyhow:

 

"we just don't want the same things. "

 

If that is the case then call it a day.

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]"he also suggested that he wasn't attracted to me any more - which he said after I pressed him for a reason. We argue because he doesn't want to get married and I do. I don't think we're going anywhere and we can't seem to have a constructive argument without it blowing up into an argument."

 

 

This is why you end things, not the other nonsense. Why would you turn your life upside down with all of these issues? Doesn't make sense.

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You've already wasted 10 years on him, don't waste anymore time. He doesn't want to marry you, and doesn't feel the same anymore...No point in dragging it on. Don't move countries, just break up. I guarantee if you leave with him things will end under his terms in the near future anyway. Be the one to make the decision to walk away. Otherwise you'll look back on this and really kick yourself for wasting SO much of your adult life on him.

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Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately you need to end it and stay in your country. This has nothing to do with the brother or his gf.

It hasn't been perfect recently, we're not intimate any more and he also suggested that he wasn't attracted to me any more -

 

We argue because he doesn't want to get married and I do.

 

we can't seem to have a constructive argument without it blowing up into an argument.

 

I am moving countries to be with him, forsaking career prospects in my native country

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we're not intimate any more and he also suggested that he wasn't attracted to me any more - which he said after I pressed him for a reason. We argue because he doesn't want to get married and I do. I don't think we're going anywhere and we can't seem to have a constructive argument without it blowing up into an argument. I am moving countries to be with him, forsaking career prospects in my native country and I don't see him making any sacrifices or wanting to commit to be with me.

 

Why are you still with him, given everything that you've written above? It sounds as though he barely even likes you anymore.

 

This latest incident pales in comparison to everything else that is fundamentally wrong with your relationship.

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Well if he is not attracted to you and doesn't want to marry and you want to, why bother? If after ten years he doesn't want to marry you, I doubt that he ever will. Although keep in mind that people do talk to other people about their relationship if they need advice and an outsider's perspective. He's not talking to any strangers or people at work or anything. It's his brother so he's confiding in a family member.

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Don’t move countries and give up opportunities for someone who has not committed to you and tells you he is not attracted to you any longer. Why would you even want a relationship like that when there are millions of other men in the world? Break up, stay where you are and work on your career and your self esteem. You can do better, even alone.

 

This. He is giving you every single sign that he doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with you, yet you keep clinging on to him... don't you want to be with someone that actually wants to be with you?

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It's not the language barrier because I speak Italian fluently. It hasn't been perfect recently, we're not intimate any more and he also suggested that he wasn't attracted to me any more - which he said after I pressed him for a reason. We argue because he doesn't want to get married and I do. I don't think we're going anywhere and we can't seem to have a constructive argument without it blowing up into an argument. I am moving countries to be with him, forsaking career prospects in my native country and I don't see him making any sacrifices or wanting to commit to be with me.

 

Don't think you are not going anywhere????? You are NOT going anywhere. His comments is him trying to kicking you to the curb hun. It's pretty obvious he wants out. Why doesn't he do it? He's a coward, lazy, whatever.

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Girl....I moved a distance away to be with a guy who was lukewarm about me. He doesn't "owe" you marriage just because you are moving. Don't move! Break up with him. He does NOT want to marry you and that is not wrong for him to not want to marry. You will not change his mind, so find someone who wants to get married.

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