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Thread: Living situation

  1. #1
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    Living situation

    Been with my girlfriend for 2 years 8 months
    My dad lives with me until he can afford/find a house
    I asked my girlfriend to move in but she says she feels really uncomfortable with my dad living there.

    Mostly because of privacy. Ex: can't walk around naked or without a bra. Have to be quiet during sex

    I completely understand and agree those things suck. But I also feel being together every day would out weigh those cons.

    Lots of pros of us living together. She hates every apartment she has. She complains money is tight. She complains if I don't come see her every day I'm off of work.

    I know there is no 1 right or wrong answer here. But I'm really curious on other unbias opinions and thoughts.

    I don't want to kick my dad out. He's actively looking at properties and paying off bills and saving. Doesn't appear he's abusing the situation

    And lastly after almost 3 years I want to live with her. I don't want to have to drive to her house every day I'm off. Does that mean something on my behalf? It's not that I don't want to see her or spend time with her. But at my house we have internet and video games (which she enjoys so much she plays been I'm not even there) And TV. Last time I was at her place we couldn't even watch TV because her tv was messing up

    Thanks! Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    It doesn't matter what we think because we can't make her change her opinion.

    Is it possible for the 3 of you to move somewhere that offers more privacy? Like a place that has a separate area for your father?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Any way your house can be changed around to make a daddy flat for dad? Then he's got his own place within your home.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If she doesn't want to move in, not much you can do. Three is a crowd. Why not just save until you two can rent a place of your own?

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  6. #5
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    To be honest I wouldn't want to live with someone who lives with a parent either. I want my own space and privacy. When do you think your Dad might be able to move out?

  7. #6
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    My partner's elderly mother lives with him. He took her in a few years back when his parents split up.

    She is pleasant enough to be around, but I will also not move in with the two of them right now. He is working on renovating his house so she can have fairly separate living quarters, with him still being close by in case she needs him (she is 80) or if we all want to spend some time together. I am simply not comfortable with the idea of all living together in the same shared space, and frankly, he doesn't want their either. When the renos are complete, then I will move in with him. We will then have breathing room, and so will she.

    You can't force your girl to want to do this. If she's resistant, I can guarantee it wouldn't go well if she gives in to your desires. She would be uncomfortable and it would not be good for you as a couple.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She doesn't want to move in and have to take care of your father.

    You need your own place.

  9. #8
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    Perhaps your gf is also uncomfortable with the fact that you want her to move in more out of convenience than committment?

    Why not propose??!

    She is ok with money being tight rather than alleviating her finances by moving in with you.
    It sounds like she is being sensible about it all.

    Do you own your property or rent?

    How long has your dad lived with you and why did he move in with you? Didnít he have other options?
    Is he paying you rent? Was there an agreement of how long he would live with you?
    Has that time lapsed?

    Why canít you enjoy being at your gfís without TV?
    Or internet or video games?
    Do you not really enjoy each otherís company without external stimulation?

    Maybe buy her a TV for Christmas lol

    Your reasons for wanting to cohabit seem very superficial to me.
    There was no mention of love , wanting to spend more time with her etc
    More like complaints about the travel to see her and then not getting to play video games and watch TV???

    Clearly those things are not that important to her but spending time with you is.

    Time to reflect on your relationship and what yuu want out of it perhaps?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    What's wrong with her tv? You mentioned internet at your place. Are you saying she's inept at solving her internet problems? Slow down. Moving in with someone out of convenience is not a good idea. It doesn't sound like she has her flat or her place in order and I'd be very wary about having someone move in who can't cope with managing their own place. This is a red flag.

    She also complains about not seeing you every day or you driving over. This is a second massive red flag. She's not able or willing to have a life outside of the relationship. This doesn't look or feel good to me because this person will drain you whether you're living together or living separately. She doesn't know how to manage her time, hobbies or her life independently of the relationship. In other words, she's not self-regulating or independent enough to cultivate her own hobbies and entertain herself in ways without you. Don't move in with anyone who depends on you for everything.

    You've been together for two years. I think it's a good time for you to decide whether this is someone you can really tolerate or whether the relationship is one out of convenience. Don't bring your dad into the equation at all right now. She doesn't seem like quite a catch.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    First thought that comes to mind is that if she complains about every single place she lives at, what makes you think that your place will be any different? I can pretty much guarantee you that it won't be. Only a matter of time before she starts in on the complains and finding faults. That's her core personality and some people are simply like that.

    Doesn't mean that you shouldn't live together, but be sure of your own motivations. Basically, if you think that living together will stop her complaints, you are in for an unpleasant surprise.

    The other part is her financial situation - are you willing to pick up the slack when she fails to pay her share, quits her job (because insert whatever complaint here) and so on? I'd think carefully about this as well before you move in together.

    Be sure that you aren't doing it to alleviate the complaining and thinking that moving in will solve that. It won't.


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