Getting over a long term crush

Hi everyone,

This is a little embarrassing but I had feelings for a guy for over a year. He was in a relationship when we met so I naturally stayed away and when he became single, I was travelling a lot for work and so was he. There was flirting back and forth when we were both available but then the pandemic took over and I had to take care of work and uni for a bit.

I am sure everybody has been affected by the events of this year and my heart is with you guys. Being in quarantine when you live alone.. is quite an experience and I went through a lot of little breakdowns which made me realize this isn't the best time to get into a relationship. So even though where I live was starting to do good in terms of the virus, I wasn't really being all that active. Time passed and my crush seemed busy with work and recently I found out he is in a new relationship.

It hits a little different because of everything that is going on. We work in the same industry (where he is recognized within) so it's kind of hard to avoid him/his work completely. Usually, I would keep myself busy with work/uni or meet new people but just this week, our city has re-started a semi-lockdown. I lost work and I am limited to staying at home again.

I am still very grateful for having met him because I was very motivated by a lot of aspects of his life. (Also meeting him was how I ultimately got over my ex)

But now I really want to be free of thinking about him and respect his new relationship. Any quarantine/relationship advice?

Thank you :)

Sorry to hear that. It may be time to get on some dating apps with a nice profile and pics and start to chatting with and meeting men for a low-key coffee. make sure you keep your physical and mental health in order. make an appt with a doctor if you are having "a lot of little breakdowns" .

Maybe try to work on getting your career back on track. Put finding a relationship on the backburner. If you've lost work you now have a lot of time on your hands to feel sorry, sad and upset about what you don't have (glass half empty mentality). Get yourself out of that and start being more productive in ways that benefit you more instead of going about things or self-sabotaging - ie. looking for duds or lemons on online dating apps or people who don't have their lives together, doing drugs, also feeling sorry for themselves or not altogether 'with it'.

I think you can help yourself forward also by staying away from your "crush". This person is taken and isn't an option. Keep your eye on the ball and stay with it (meaning, stay with yourself and stay your course whatever it is).

For some perspective I separated some months before covid hit and in the process of divorce so yes, I'll write the book about getting my life back on track one day. If I can do it you can too.

Hi everyone,

 

Time passed and my crush seemed busy with work and recently I found out he is in a new relationship.

 

It hits a little different because of everything that is going on. We work in the same industry (where he is recognized within) so it's kind of hard to avoid him/his work completely. Usually, I would keep myself busy with work/uni or meet new people but just this week, our city has re-started a semi-lockdown. I lost work and I am limited to staying at home again.

 

I am still very grateful for having met him because I was very motivated by a lot of aspects of his life. (Also meeting him was how I ultimately got over my ex)

But now I really want to be free of thinking about him and respect his new relationship. Any quarantine/relationship advice?

 

Thank you :)

I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about. Sometimes you can't help who you have feelings for, and I completely understand how quarantine is no help. Being alone with your thoughts can be scary. I also think it's good of you to want to move on so bad that you're writing here. Not everyone can say they have a desire to respect an old crush's new relationship.

There isn't a lot to do, but you can be creative. I also live alone. One thing I do when I am feeling especially bored/lonely is follow along a YouTube video of anything. Dancing tutorials, mukbangs (simply people eating and talking!), art tutorials. It feels good to have direct instruction and address. Even if it's just an educational video of something that interests you - take notes on it! It's less lonely than just trying to start up a hobby by yourself. In this time when you're probably feeling a little down and sensitive due to not having the one you want, you should also feel good about yourself. Learning some new things and working on yourself is a perfect way to do that!

One thing I do want to say is that you should recognize your own part in getting over your ex. Maybe your crush helped you because he distracted you, but it was you who ultimately came to terms with the breakup. I think it can be unhealthy to put someone on a pedestal for the good things they've done to you. It can only make it harder when they're gone. My first long-term relationship was about three years. I felt very unloved, so a month later I was bouncing back wanting to date, but I thought about my ex every day, if not from just curiosity about what he was doing. I started a rebound relationship that lasted about a month. When that rebound left me, I was broken. I thought I'd gotten over the relationship but really my rebound was distracting me. It was so, so hard not to contact my ex of three years after that. I didn't let myself process my breakup in my own way and accept it myself. I wouldn't want something similar like that to happen to you if you see yourself interacting with your crush less and less.

It is important to talk to others, though. Please don't ever be embarrassed of your feelings! When I had awful relationship issues, I would tell no one, because of how much shame I felt. I regret that more than anything. Good luck and I hope you wake up every day with so much peace in your heart

Hey, we've all had crushes that didn't work out and had to find a way to pick up the pieces. And it's not easy being at home alone, especially right now. It's okay to be down at times and is probably healthy to do so. The important thing is to not dwell on it and to motivate yourself to pursue something you are interested in. Believe me, this internet thing is a never ending source of amusement. I wouldn't take some time focus on yourself. Work on finding that next job or take an online class. Find that hobby you've been ignoring or wanting to take up. What about that show that you never got around to watching? Or find someway to volunteer. Make sure to take daily walks (wearing a mask and socially distancing of course). Being single doesn't have to be a bad thing, it can mean freedom and a chance to explore just being you. At the end of the day, just make sure to do what makes you happy.

Thank you everyone!

I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about. Sometimes you can't help who you have feelings for, and I completely understand how quarantine is no help. Being alone with your thoughts can be scary. I also think it's good of you to want to move on so bad that you're writing here. Not everyone can say they have a desire to respect an old crush's new relationship.

 

There isn't a lot to do, but you can be creative. I also live alone. One thing I do when I am feeling especially bored/lonely is follow along a YouTube video of anything. Dancing tutorials, mukbangs (simply people eating and talking!), art tutorials. It feels good to have direct instruction and address. Even if it's just an educational video of something that interests you - take notes on it! It's less lonely than just trying to start up a hobby by yourself. In this time when you're probably feeling a little down and sensitive due to not having the one you want, you should also feel good about yourself. Learning some new things and working on yourself is a perfect way to do that!

 

One thing I do want to say is that you should recognize your own part in getting over your ex. Maybe your crush helped you because he distracted you, but it was you who ultimately came to terms with the breakup. I think it can be unhealthy to put someone on a pedestal for the good things they've done to you. It can only make it harder when they're gone. My first long-term relationship was about three years. I felt very unloved, so a month later I was bouncing back wanting to date, but I thought about my ex every day, if not from just curiosity about what he was doing. I started a rebound relationship that lasted about a month. When that rebound left me, I was broken. I thought I'd gotten over the relationship but really my rebound was distracting me. It was so, so hard not to contact my ex of three years after that. I didn't let myself process my breakup in my own way and accept it myself. I wouldn't want something similar like that to happen to you if you see yourself interacting with your crush less and less.

 

It is important to talk to others, though. Please don't ever be embarrassed of your feelings! When I had awful relationship issues, I would tell no one, because of how much shame I felt. I regret that more than anything. Good luck and I hope you wake up every day with so much peace in your heart

 

 

-----

 

 

Wow thank you so much for your kind words. Also, you provided such an interesting perspective that I'd never thought of before. I realized I am definitely over my ex but not over the breakup. A part of me have been pushing people away if there were any chance of getting into a relationship. As you said, this guy was a good distraction because circumstances made it hard for anything to happen. I guess I never gave myself credit for that part of my life as well.

 

I will take up on your advice about staying home and keeping occupied and talking to friends/family. Hopefully I can come back here and help other people going through the same things. Thank you again for such a sweet response. Hope you are doing well