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Thread: My Husband Purchased a Sex Doll - Thoughts?

  1. #1
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    My Husband Purchased a Sex Doll - Thoughts?

    My husband and I have been married for 9 years. We have been through a lot, but with counseling and opening up communication we have been able to make progress in our relationship. We have two children. We both work full-time, but are still able to have sex or be sexual at least a few times a week. Over the last year he has brought up the idea of a "real doll" for himself...and he finally purchased one. I guess I'm glad he didn't hide it, but I just find it weird, and beyond a normal "toy." I have "toys" but they don't go as far as an anatomically perfect male life size doll.

    I really tried to talk to him and get down to why he wanted it to begin with, and he claims that it's for when we go long stretches without sex because of work, and so that he can "practice" for when we do have sex so that he doesn't get over-excited - basically to build up some stamina. To an extent that makes sense, but what's wrong with a fleshlight or regular masturbation? When I bring that up, he says he will just return it then....but that isn't the point. Returning it won't address why he wanted it in the first place...and I feel like it goes beyond masturbation? He bought a large container to keep it in our closet (with a padlock). I just find it SO weird...and I am not sheltered sexually, I have many of my own toys. IDK I guess I need some thoughts, what you all would think in this situation. Again, I am grateful he didn't hide it from me, and I realize it is a material item and not a real person, but I can't help but feel some sense of insecurity.

    TIA! Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    He's full of it! If he wants to "practice" he would be having discussions on trying new things out with you. In my eyes, even if it's not a real person, he's stepping out on your marriage. It makes you uncomfortable...well hun, I think it would make any woman uncomfortable. I would rethink about this marriage.

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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    He's full of it! If he wants to "practice" he would be having discussions on trying new things out with you. In my eyes, even if it's not a real person, he's stepping out on your marriage. It makes you uncomfortable...well hun, I think it would make any woman uncomfortable. I would rethink about this marriage.
    Thank you. I feel like it wasn't my place to say yes or no (he's an adult), but I guess the fact that he went as far as to save for it and buy it just bothers me. If it was ANY other sex toy (literally) I think I'd be fine with it, but this is just so extreme. As I said, him returning it won't really "solve" anything either so I feel a bit stuck emotionally on this one. Plus, I feel turned off to sex with him now in a sense because I'm wondering if he's "comparing" sex with me to what he does with the doll. It is a 100% perfect and VERY realistic sex doll. He swears it has nothing to do with me that he got it and that he's happy with me but man I really can't help but feel he is skirting around a bigger issue. I'd rather have honesty and take a hit to my ego if he isn't as attracted to me now than have him lying about why he got the doll to begin with...

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    I reversed the roles in my imagination to get a better understanding. Yeah, it's very very weird.

    I don't understand why would someone use a doll when he has a real woman.....

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Your husband has his own sex life with this thing and other women.

    Unfortunately it seems like there are still many unresolved issues in the marriage:
    [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by AJ4
    I feel turned off to sex with him now in a sense because I'm wondering if he's "comparing" sex with me to what he does with the doll.

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    Forum Supporter Fudgie's Avatar
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    I wouldn't get upset with him right away, there's more to this here. People who get real dolls usually have a fetish or something that draws them to the dolls. Not really a matter of you vs. a doll.

    I'm glad that he was open with you. I think you two need to talk though and see if you can get him to open up as to the real reason. I wouldn't be surprised if he has some closet fetish and this doll is his way of indulging. Some people who are into dolls do so because sometimes, they want a totally submissive/wordless partner. Not all the time just sometimes. He still wants sex with you.

    Here's what I would do: read up about real dolls. Go online and read what users say about them. Maybe reach out to some and talk about your experience and try to get a handle on what makes them want a real doll. There ARE married couples out there in which one person partakes.

    After this, sit down and talk to him. Tell him what you found and that you really are curious and open minded and want to know the real reason. Thank him for being honest with you in the first place.

    I think this could be a real good moment for your marriage moving forward in terms of building trust. You have come so far, I wouldn't throw it away yet over a doll.

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. Your husband has his own sex life with this thing and other women.

    Unfortunately it seems like there are still many unresolved issues in the marriage:
    [Register to see the link]
    That particular situation was resolved through therapy. We have made progress, so I'm hoping to find some resolution with this situation as well.

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    Originally Posted by Fudgie
    I wouldn't get upset with him right away, there's more to this here. People who get real dolls usually have a fetish or something that draws them to the dolls. Not really a matter of you vs. a doll.

    I'm glad that he was open with you. I think you two need to talk though and see if you can get him to open up as to the real reason. I wouldn't be surprised if he has some closet fetish and this doll is his way of indulging. Some people who are into dolls do so because sometimes, they want a totally submissive/wordless partner. Not all the time just sometimes. He still wants sex with you.

    Here's what I would do: read up about real dolls. Go online and read what users say about them. Maybe reach out to some and talk about your experience and try to get a handle on what makes them want a real doll. There ARE married couples out there in which one person partakes.

    After this, sit down and talk to him. Tell him what you found and that you really are curious and open minded and want to know the real reason. Thank him for being honest with you in the first place.

    I think this could be a real good moment for your marriage moving forward in terms of building trust. You have come so far, I wouldn't throw it away yet over a doll.
    I appreciate this. I think there might be something he wants to act out on the doll that he's afraid to ask me to do, maybe? Not sure. He assures me it isn't me and is 100% him...I'm just trying to mentally come to some kind of understanding of it but still feel hung up.

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    Forum Supporter Fudgie's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AJ4
    I appreciate this. I think there might be something he wants to act out on the doll that he's afraid to ask me to do, maybe? Not sure. He assures me it isn't me and is 100% him...I'm just trying to mentally come to some kind of understanding of it but still feel hung up.
    I think it is him, and not you. He still wants to have sex with you regularly. He's not giving you up for the doll. They is another reason here and you just don't know it yet. I don't think it's necessarily sinister either. Human sexuality is freaking weird.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    He has cheated on you before and well.....this is a sort of stepping out without stepping out being that it's just a toy after all. Of course he isn't going to explain to you that this is how he is going around the whole "you are not the boss of me and I want to cheat on you and fck some strange" without you actually being able to blame him for cheating. It's just a kink honey......or as he put - practice for your sake.

    I'm also a bit amused at how grateful you are that he was honest about it....like how was he going to hide a life size doll from you exactly? Your standards are still very low and you are still playing the "cool" wife and it's still not working out for you.

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