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Thread: My Husband Purchased a Sex Doll - Thoughts?

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by shellyf62
    Can I ask, when will he be having sex with this doll?
    When you and your children are home? When you are all asleep? When you guys are watching a movie & he goes out to "do things in the garage' ?
    This is just way too creepy for me & I would be gone
    Supposedly when they are at school and I'm at work. We do work opposite schedules but still have sex a few times a week. I say supposedly because who knows when he actually will do it, personally I'd be so embarrassed to be in his shoes, but I guess he feels justified. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    He is veiled, because cheating in any form, real woman or plastic, is about lies and deceit. Duping you or others is what is making him hard. It's also a character/personality issue no amount of therapy can ever fix, although it can teach him how to drive it better underground, aka lie better.

    At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself - is this acceptable to you? How much are you willing to minimize who you are as a person, your needs in order to hang on to him? Also, how far are you willing to go to normalize his behaviors? What is acceptable to you and where/when do you stop? There is no right or wrong answer here, only what is right for you as this is your life to live.
    I've has many "last straws" and I guess have duped myself into giving in time and time again so I so blame myself a bit. Of course around our mutual friends and family he is totally doting, makes sweet posts about me and even just us together he mostly is really kind and easy going. It is that 1% that is just so extreme when he makes these destructive decisions that kills it all.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AJ4
    I've has many "last straws" and I guess have duped myself into giving in time and time again so I so blame myself a bit. Of course around our mutual friends and family he is totally doting, makes sweet posts about me and even just us together he mostly is really kind and easy going. It is that 1% that is just so extreme when he makes these destructive decisions that kills it all.
    Don't blame yourself for the past. You did what you did, at the time, it was what you wanted.

    But hold yourself accountable to your future.

    Are you lying to yourself it is 1%?

  4. #34
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AJ4
    Supposedly when they are at school and I'm at work. We do work opposite schedules but still have sex a few times a week. I say supposedly because who knows when he actually will do it, personally I'd be so embarrassed to be in his shoes, but I guess he feels justified.
    He obviously isnt embarrassed or he wouldnt have bought the Doll.
    You both have different attitudes & opinions on this. I would listen to yours.

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  6. #35
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    If your kids found the doll, how would you explain it?

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    If your kids found the doll, how would you explain it?
    "Dad is doing cardio to improve his health and stamina"

  8. #37
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Well, OP, I am glad that you have reached this insight:

    "I think it is insanely creepy to hump a doll..."

  9. #38
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately like many abusive relationships, you are playing the whack a mole game with all the issues.

    First it's cheating, then it's road rage, then it's yelling and screaming, then it's threats to kill your cat

    And now it's his Stepford wife doll.
    Even if he gets rid of it, there will be some other equally damaging things around the corner.

  10. #39
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    I'm going to ask him about it further today, try to get to the root of the reasoning. We've actually been having sex more (?) so IDK what to think, but I can't sit around wondering forever, and I am hoping that he will open up to me. He has been emotionally abusive in the past, but I'm not convinced this is along the same lines. IF he doesn't open up about the real reasoning and searches for excuses and lies, then that is going to be a motivator for me to make a plan. I think he at least owes me the truth after everything we've been through and all of the times I've stretched myself to make things work. He is very reactive to changes and we did move to a new house in March, so I'm wondering if that may be a factor. He's gained A LOT of weight this year as well...to the point that my family was concerned about him during their last visit. Maybe it is like a few of you said, and no matter what, he will never be fulfilled by this marriage and just stays in out of convenience.

  11. #40
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    Originally Posted by AJ4
    I've has many "last straws" and I guess have duped myself into giving in time and time again so I so blame myself a bit. Of course around our mutual friends and family he is totally doting, makes sweet posts about me and even just us together he mostly is really kind and easy going. It is that 1% that is just so extreme when he makes these destructive decisions that kills it all.
    This hits close to home for me, cause I have been there. My ex was the same way, perfectly charming in public. But, NO ONE KNOWS what goes on behind closed doors. No one else is married to him but YOU. It's you who has to be happy, AJ. Don't you think you deserve to be happy? I know what it's like to want someone to be who you know they CAN be. I waited for years and years for that to happen, but it never did. I stayed in the marriage way longer than I should have, trying to hold onto a person and a relationship that only really existed in my head. Even now, I think " Why did I stay so long?" Now I am happily remarried. And the difference is night and day. I don't have to compromise who I am or what I will tolerate anymore. While my current husband is by no means perfect, he does actually love me, treat me with respect and here's the BIGGEST thing- Actually WANTS to be married to me. The past is the past- You are smarter now. Don't let mistakes of your past guilt you into dictating your future. You still have the power to change your future. Maybe staying with him WAS the choice you needed to make in the past- that doesn't mean you have to CONTINUE to make that choice NOW.

    Again, nothing YOU can do is going to change him, how he feels, or what he wants. I learned that the hard way. Maybe he IS a great son and friend and father. He can be all those things and still be a bad husband. Maybe he really does care about you as a person, but doesn't want you as a wife and is trying different things to try and "force" himself to want it. If that's the case, his efforts are in vain because at the end of the day, he's just lying to himself and you. And that doesn't make anyone happy in the long term.

    The question is, AJ, do you want to be married to someone who has to try and "trick himself" into wanting this marriage. Or do you want to find someone who actually does want to be with you.

    If I may- I'd love for you to try something. Sometimes when we face our worst fears, it makes us realize what we really want. Go somewhere alone, someplace that has no connection to you as a couple. A place that makes you happy and either write a physical list or just think about what would happen if you got divorced. What would that look like? How would that feel? I don't know, only you will.

    Just remember this, too. You don't have to hate someone's guts to want a divorce. You can love someone enormously and still know that a relationship with them is not good or what one or both of you really wants. There have been people I have loved, but knew that a relationship with was not healthy.
    What if he was your friend and co- parent but you had someone else in your life who fulfilled you as a romantic partner - just think about that. How does the thought of that make you feel?

    Best of luck to you, truly.

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