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Thread: My Husband Purchased a Sex Doll - Thoughts?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    My guess is he wants to have sex with another woman, who is real, but he cant do that, so a doll would be second choice. He can get his rocks off with her and yet be his idea of faithful to you. I'd be creeped out if this happened to me. There's more to this than meets the eye. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    He has cheated on you before and well.....this is a sort of stepping out without stepping out being that it's just a toy after all. Of course he isn't going to explain to you that this is how he is going around the whole "you are not the boss of me and I want to cheat on you and fck some strange" without you actually being able to blame him for cheating. It's just a kink honey......or as he put - practice for your sake.

    I'm also a bit amused at how grateful you are that he was honest about it....like how was he going to hide a life size doll from you exactly? Your standards are still very low and you are still playing the "cool" wife and it's still not working out for you.
    To be "fair" the woman he took that trip with never had sex with him and as it eventually turned out she was extremely upset that he hadn't told me clearly what they were doing, she is not attracted to him and was really embarrassed about the entire thing. Maybe lies, who knows, but as far as that situation is concerned I've put it behind me. The few posts I've made here are a snapshot of ty situations in my marriage that I can't talk to family members about. Maybe it is time for me to move on but I try to work on things before jumping to that. I admit this is bothering me more than I want it to though, especially after everything I've gone through with him already. I can agree it seems a bit of a control move, maybe.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's sad you keep trying to wrap your head around all this creepy stuff to hang on to him.
    Originally Posted by AJ4
    That particular situation was resolved through therapy. We have made progress, so I'm hoping to find some resolution with this situation as well.

  4. #14
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    I would be so turned off. If he is having regular sex with you, then why this doll?! Stop trying to normalize, this is weird!

    Considering your past and the weird behavior, don't you think you should rethink your marriage? You continue to stay with him, as it is not as bad as the past. Good lord, your standards are so low. What do your friends say about all of his behavior.?

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by AJ4
    To be "fair" the woman he took that trip with never had sex with him and as it eventually turned out she was extremely upset that he hadn't told me clearly what they were doing, she is not attracted to him and was really embarrassed about the entire thing. Maybe lies, who knows, but as far as that situation is concerned I've put it behind me.
    That may be true, but I don't think his previous cheating and his new sex doll are unrelated.

    It sounds to me like he still wants sex with other women, but the real doll is the "closest" he can get without actually cheating on you again. The doll in and of itself is strange, but I would be very concerned about his real motivation to use it.

    You need to step back and look at the bigger picture.

  7. #16
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    Does he still have anger issues: ]"Lately his behavior has really escalated. The last week has been especially bad. Yesterday we had to go to a family gathering and he got the worst road rage I've ever seen and was screaming obscene things and kept saying he was going to crash the car. I was terrified and begged him to turn around but he wouldn't. Thank God we didn't get in an accident. Then he put on a happy face for his family but again on the way home had terrible road rage. When we got home the cat was sick with diarrhea and he was cursing and screaming at the cat and threatening to kick it out into the woods. This is a cat he normally loves and has had for 10 years and has been his constant companion. Luckily I was able to save the cat...for today anyway."

    Seems like there have been many issues.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Does he still have anger issues: ]"Lately his behavior has really escalated. The last week has been especially bad. Yesterday we had to go to a family gathering and he got the worst road rage I've ever seen and was screaming obscene things and kept saying he was going to crash the car. I was terrified and begged him to turn around but he wouldn't. Thank God we didn't get in an accident. Then he put on a happy face for his family but again on the way home had terrible road rage. When we got home the cat was sick with diarrhea and he was cursing and screaming at the cat and threatening to kick it out into the woods. This is a cat he normally loves and has had for 10 years and has been his constant companion. Luckily I was able to save the cat...for today anyway."

    Seems like there have been many issues.
    No, he doesn't. That incident happened 6 years ago and he was diagnosed with a disorder that causes him to have outbursts due to big transitions (moving/children/etc). He manages his anger well now.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I don't know if it's the doll or the box/coffin-like thing that's in your house that is a bit adams family/bates motel. I'm all for open-minded love and whatever floats a couple's boat but not having those answers and feeling insecure is painful for you. This doesn't seem like a decision that was mutual or one that was made with mutual excitement.

    That would be what would bother me the most about this arrangement - lack of mutual agreement. I think whatever hesitations or conversations you need to have with your husband needs to happen sooner rather than later. The fact of the matter is he shouldn't have gone out and purchased something like this without you being 100% onboard. Both of you are now operating as individuals sexually and that doesn't add to trust in a relationship.

    You're quietening your opinions and I have to ask why. Are you fearful of how he will react or are you fearful of him completely turning away from you? That lack of communication or hesitancy to communicate is a huge red flag in the relationship. I'd try turning this more towards the lack of communication the both of you have going on. This doll appears to be a product of that lack of communication between the both of you.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AJ4
    Thank you. I feel like it wasn't my place to say yes or no (he's an adult), but I guess the fact that he went as far as to save for it and buy it just bothers me. If it was ANY other sex toy (literally) I think I'd be fine with it, but this is just so extreme. As I said, him returning it won't really "solve" anything either so I feel a bit stuck emotionally on this one. Plus, I feel turned off to sex with him now in a sense because I'm wondering if he's "comparing" sex with me to what he does with the doll. It is a 100% perfect and VERY realistic sex doll. He swears it has nothing to do with me that he got it and that he's happy with me but man I really can't help but feel he is skirting around a bigger issue. I'd rather have honesty and take a hit to my ego if he isn't as attracted to me now than have him lying about why he got the doll to begin with...
    I understand what you mean... not wanting to say yes or no as he is his own person

    BUT!

    I don't think it's unreasonable for you to have your own feelings about this. And how it makes you feel. Creating insecurities in you and turning you off to him, are real issues.

    Had he talked to you first, (a mistake on his part, I think, which is symptom of a different problem in your relationship) but, had he talked to you first, you could have told him how you feel and then he could have made a decision.

    It sounds like maybe you're not really being validated and supported, as one would hope to be in a marriage or commited relationship.

    In a healthy relationship, I think there's more discussion and compromise because two people are working toward the same goal... especially sexually. Its not like he wants to join a bowling league and you don't.

    I would try to talk to him about this and listen to his response, too. Its like Oprah says, when you're fighting about the dishes, its not about the dishes.

    There are underlying issues in a dysfunctional relationship that has infidelity and secrets and it takes both people being a little more transparent than what he seems to be.

    Is it a cop out that he didn't tell you in advance before buying this? or did he know how you'd feel and decided to do what was best for him?

    That's the real issue. you might be married but he's doing him and expecting you to accept it.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    I echo Holly here:

    "I would be so turned off. If he is having regular sex with you, then why this doll?! Stop trying to normalize, this is weird!"

    And also what Ms. Canuck said:

    "That may be true, but I don't think his previous cheating and his new sex doll are unrelated.

    It sounds to me like he still wants sex with other women, but the real doll is the "closest" he can get without actually cheating on you again. The doll in and of itself is strange, but I would be very concerned about his real motivation to use it.

    You need to step back and look at the bigger picture."



    I'd be creeped out too!

    And the core of the matter, well uttered by Wiseman:

    "It's sad you keep trying to wrap your head around all this creepy stuff to hang on to him."

    And you actually believe this stuff AJ?!

    ".....so that he can "practice" for when we do have sex so that he doesn't get over-excited - basically to build up some stamina"

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