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Thread: Fwb and dating

  1. #1
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    Fwb and dating

    Not sure I'm posting in the right section but wasn't entirely sure where to post.

    So I have a FWB.. Its only been a couple of months.

    I have some feelings for him but nothing too serious. He appears to feel the same for the most part.

    He has however said that FWB is all he wants right now so I have brought up the subject of the possibility of my dating other people since we are obviously not heading towards anything.

    He said he is OK with this, not that I asked permission, but anyway... Whenever the subject has come up again in various ways he has said things like I shouldn't be looking to fate others as I am his or if he thinks I may be meeting someone that day he always wants us to have sex before I go. I don't know what his reason behind that could be their than he thinks I'm less likely to have sex with whoever I'm on the date with if if already just slept with him in the hours before.

    Just wondering if maybe anyone could shed some light on what his behaviour could be about. Is it possible he's maybe not as cool with the prospect of me seeing other people as he says he is? Or could there be some other reason I haven't worked out yet, if so what could it be?

    I forgot to mention that he as also previously stated that he gets jealous when other guys compliment me or when I say I have been talking to other guys. This was before I mentioned the possibility of me dating other people.

    TIA
    Last edited by Bobster86; 08-24-2020 at 02:10 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    He told you the truth that he only wants an FWB. It doesn't mean that he likes the idea of you sleeping with multiple people for obvious reasons, like STD's, but he also has zero intentions of promoting you to a gf. If he wanted that, he'd do it.

    If you are developing feelings, probably best to end this as it will only get in the way of you being able to connect with a guy who actually wants you. Not to mention that most guys will not date you when you have this thing on the side going on.

    Basically, if you want to find the right guy, then be fully single and open to that. If you are just good with hook ups, of course, carry on as is. Nothing is going to come of this situation no matter how much you want to read "caring" into his behavior. He cares about as much as a dog marking a fire hydrant - him and many others, rinse and repeat, but no dog is taking it home with him. Just good fun, lots of sniffing and a lifted leg.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Just lose this guy, he's offering nothing. You're better off taking your chances dating. He's not even holding up the friends part of FWB.
    Originally Posted by Bobster86
    if he thinks I may be meeting someone that day he always wants us to have sex before I go.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    He's not even holding up the friends part of FWB.
    In what way would you say he's not?

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  6. #5
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    He only wants a FWB. If you are developing feelings, I would move on.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Is it very necessary to understand the reasoning behind someone who won't give you the time of day in a more worthwhile manner?

    It appears like he's marking you as his territory in a very crude way and is very immature and inconsiderate. He's treating you like an object and the sex seems like a transaction of sorts. I hope you realize that there are plenty of arrangements like this (a dime a dozen). It's incredibly easy to pick up low quality partners like this. They're at every corner and bus stop. It's terribly common and extremely commonplace. If it's not him, there's someone else and utterly replaceable.

    Lift your self-esteem a little and treat this as a transition period but not a place you want to remain for very long. Don't wear yourself down with this type of confusion. If he's jealous that's his problem, not yours. You shouldn't be catering to him. Don't spread yourself so thinly.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    It's just an ego thing. He doesn't want you in any serious way but he doesn't want you to move on until he is good and ready to move on first. Of course, he would never admit his selfishness so he is using sweet nothings and sex to try to keep you as a placeholder. Yet, if/when he decides it's over you will be dropped unceremoniously and if you dare to complain he will maintain that he was always upfront about your FWB status. If you are interested in a real relationship, this guy will only hold you back. If he was relationship material/ viewed you as gf material he would not say to you that he is OK with you dating other men. Imo, you would be wasting your time if you were to take him seriously.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Clio
    It's just an ego thing. He doesn't want you in any serious way but he doesn't want you to move on until he is good and ready to move on first. Of course, he would never admit his selfishness so he is using sweet nothings and sex to try to keep you as a placeholder. Yet, if/when he decides it's over you will be dropped unceremoniously and if you dare to complain he will maintain that he was always upfront about your FWB status.
    This, it's not complicated.

  10. #9
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    It's just his ego talking.

    He doesn't want you to a meet a boyfriend before he meets a girlfriend. If he wanted to date you, he wouldn't be telling you he only wants FWB right now. If you're getting feelings for him, it would be best to end this arrangement. If you don't, it will hurt like hell the day he tells you he can't keep sleeping with you because he's met someone else.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    He wants to be sure you're always available to him for sex.

    And apparently you are if you are actually having sex with him before you go on a date.

    BTW, the way you're behaving does not end up being promoted to "girlfriend". He will want a girlfriend with self-respect.

    If you have feelings this situation will just be hurtful for you.

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