Fwb and dating

Not sure I'm posting in the right section but wasn't entirely sure where to post.

So I have a FWB.. Its only been a couple of months.

I have some feelings for him but nothing too serious. He appears to feel the same for the most part.

He has however said that FWB is all he wants right now so I have brought up the subject of the possibility of my dating other people since we are obviously not heading towards anything.

He said he is OK with this, not that I asked permission, but anyway... Whenever the subject has come up again in various ways he has said things like I shouldn't be looking to fate others as I am his or if he thinks I may be meeting someone that day he always wants us to have sex before I go. I don't know what his reason behind that could be their than he thinks I'm less likely to have sex with whoever I'm on the date with if if already just slept with him in the hours before.

Just wondering if maybe anyone could shed some light on what his behaviour could be about. Is it possible he's maybe not as cool with the prospect of me seeing other people as he says he is? Or could there be some other reason I haven't worked out yet, if so what could it be?

I forgot to mention that he as also previously stated that he gets jealous when other guys compliment me or when I say I have been talking to other guys. This was before I mentioned the possibility of me dating other people.

TIA

He told you the truth that he only wants an FWB. It doesn't mean that he likes the idea of you sleeping with multiple people for obvious reasons, like STD's, but he also has zero intentions of promoting you to a gf. If he wanted that, he'd do it.

If you are developing feelings, probably best to end this as it will only get in the way of you being able to connect with a guy who actually wants you. Not to mention that most guys will not date you when you have this thing on the side going on.

Basically, if you want to find the right guy, then be fully single and open to that. If you are just good with hook ups, of course, carry on as is. Nothing is going to come of this situation no matter how much you want to read "caring" into his behavior. He cares about as much as a dog marking a fire hydrant - him and many others, rinse and repeat, but no dog is taking it home with him. Just good fun, lots of sniffing and a lifted leg.

Just lose this guy, he's offering nothing. You're better off taking your chances dating. He's not even holding up the friends part of FWB.

if he thinks I may be meeting someone that day he always wants us to have sex before I go.

He's not even holding up the friends part of FWB.

In what way would you say he's not?

He only wants a FWB. If you are developing feelings, I would move on.

Is it very necessary to understand the reasoning behind someone who won't give you the time of day in a more worthwhile manner?

It appears like he's marking you as his territory in a very crude way and is very immature and inconsiderate. He's treating you like an object and the sex seems like a transaction of sorts. I hope you realize that there are plenty of arrangements like this (a dime a dozen). It's incredibly easy to pick up low quality partners like this. They're at every corner and bus stop. It's terribly common and extremely commonplace. If it's not him, there's someone else and utterly replaceable.

Lift your self-esteem a little and treat this as a transition period but not a place you want to remain for very long. Don't wear yourself down with this type of confusion. If he's jealous that's his problem, not yours. You shouldn't be catering to him. Don't spread yourself so thinly.

It's just an ego thing. He doesn't want you in any serious way but he doesn't want you to move on until he is good and ready to move on first. Of course, he would never admit his selfishness so he is using sweet nothings and sex to try to keep you as a placeholder. Yet, if/when he decides it's over you will be dropped unceremoniously and if you dare to complain he will maintain that he was always upfront about your FWB status. If you are interested in a real relationship, this guy will only hold you back. If he was relationship material/ viewed you as gf material he would not say to you that he is OK with you dating other men. Imo, you would be wasting your time if you were to take him seriously.

It's just an ego thing. He doesn't want you in any serious way but he doesn't want you to move on until he is good and ready to move on first. Of course, he would never admit his selfishness so he is using sweet nothings and sex to try to keep you as a placeholder. Yet, if/when he decides it's over you will be dropped unceremoniously and if you dare to complain he will maintain that he was always upfront about your FWB status.

This, it's not complicated.

It's just his ego talking.

He doesn't want you to a meet a boyfriend before he meets a girlfriend. If he wanted to date you, he wouldn't be telling you he only wants FWB right now. If you're getting feelings for him, it would be best to end this arrangement. If you don't, it will hurt like hell the day he tells you he can't keep sleeping with you because he's met someone else.

He wants to be sure you're always available to him for sex.

And apparently you are if you are actually having sex with him before you go on a date.

BTW, the way you're behaving does not end up being promoted to "girlfriend". He will want a girlfriend with self-respect.

If you have feelings this situation will just be hurtful for you.

He wants to be sure you're always available to him for sex.

 

And apparently you are if you are actually having sex with him before you go on a date.

 

BTW, the way you're behaving does not end up being promoted to "girlfriend". He will want a girlfriend with self-respect.

 

If you have feelings this situation will just be hurtful for you.

Just because he always wants sex before I go does not mean he gets it.

Infact, I have rarely had sex with him. Just lately. I have only been on a couple of dates but since the first one a few weeks ago I have only had sex with him a couple of times. I have not had sex with anyone else in that time either.

I pulled back a little on that side whilst I tried to figure out why he was behaving the way he was and the more he tries to have sex before I meet someone, the more I have slowed things in that respect.

He knows I am not a confident person and struggle with dating and meeting new people but somehow I am confident with him, again he knows this.

Also he never exactly said he was OK with me dating other people, his exact words were "well you can't wait for me forever but I can atleast entertain you for as long as possible". Which I took to mean he was never going to want to take things further but that he wanted to stick around while I until I found someone

The good thing about this is you can still date and phase him out when someone more compatible appears.

I could be wrong, but I'm getting the impression that you're looking for hidden messages that point to what you interpret as jealously, where it appears to be more about control, (imo).

Either way I'd look at it as if he truly wanted to be with you, he'd make that move rather than risk losing you.

Just because he always wants sex before I go does not mean he gets it.

 

Infact, I have rarely had sex with him. Just lately. I have only been on a couple of dates but since the first one a few weeks ago I have only had sex with him a couple of times. I have not had sex with anyone else in that time either.

 

I pulled back a little on that side whilst I tried to figure out why he was behaving the way he was and the more he tries to have sex before I meet someone, the more I have slowed things in that respect.

 

He knows I am not a confident person and struggle with dating and meeting new people but somehow I am confident with him, again he knows this.

 

Also he never exactly said he was OK with me dating other people, his exact words were "well you can't wait for me forever but I can atleast entertain you for as long as possible". Which I took to mean he was never going to want to take things further but that he wanted to stick around while I until I found someone

Yes, he knows you are insecure and he is telling you to your face that he'll happily take advantage of that as long as he can. Yeash.....if that doesn't turn your stomach a bit I don't know what will.

Look, FWB arrangements are all fine and good as long as two people are actually confident and have mutual respect for the convenient arrangement. There are no feelings, no hopes for more, etc. However, you do agree to boundaries, you do have respect for each other and agreed on terms on the arrangement. Of course, it also means that neither one of you is entering the arrangement on any kind of false hopes that it will lead to more. Quite the opposite, you understand that it won't and you are both good with that.

In your situation, he is telling you to your face that he doesn't care, but you're developing an attachment and it's starting to cloud your judgment - you are hoping for something that will never happen. Walk away because if you carry on, you will get hurt badly. He will eventually meet a girl he actually wants to date and he will discard you abruptly and harshly. He is not invested in any of this except to the extent that he gets laid and it's convenient and easy.

You must be telling him that you are going on dates. Why are you doing this?

Are you hoping to make him jealous so he will ask you to stop dating others & date him?

Yes, he knows you are insecure and he is telling you to your face that he'll happily take advantage of that as long as he can. Yeash.....if that doesn't turn your stomach a bit I don't know what will.

 

Look, FWB arrangements are all fine and good as long as two people are actually confident and have mutual respect for the convenient arrangement. There are no feelings, no hopes for more, etc. However, you do agree to boundaries, you do have respect for each other and agreed on terms on the arrangement. Of course, it also means that neither one of you is entering the arrangement on any kind of false hopes that it will lead to more. Quite the opposite, you understand that it won't and you are both good with that.

 

In your situation, he is telling you to your face that he doesn't care, but you're developing an attachment and it's starting to cloud your judgment - you are hoping for something that will never happen. Walk away because if you carry on, you will get hurt badly. He will eventually meet a girl he actually wants to date and he will discard you abruptly and harshly. He is not invested in any of this except to the extent that he gets laid and it's convenient and easy.

While I get where you're coming from with most of this my judgement is far from clouded. I have literally said in my posts that I know things will not go any further. Also, as I said, we have not been having sex the same recently as I have pulled back from that. I was just looking to see what peoples thoughts were, more specifically on the part where he always seems to want sex when he thinks I am going on a date as that baffles me a little

You must be telling him that you are going on dates. Why are you doing this?

Are you hoping to make him jealous so he will ask you to stop dating others & date him?

I tell him because we always tell each other everything, as far as I am aware anyway. It's what we always said we would do. To be open and honest. Is that not where the friendship plays a part?

I tell him because we always tell each other everything, as far as I am aware anyway. It's what we always said we would do. To be open and honest. Is that not where the friendship plays a part?

No, it's called TMI and that kind of TMI is not actually healthy or normal.

To answer your question on what others think, I think you are wasting your time and energy on this guy for nothing but a lot of humiliation to come. So I'll just say it again - get rid of him. This situation isn't doing you any good.

The other thing that I think is that you are pretty inexperienced and you'll just have to learn the hard way that if you stick your hand in the fire you will get burnt. A situation where no amount of advice will change your behavior, it's just something you'll have to learn the hard way. Reason I think that is because you are getting defensive instead of taking the advice on board. More insecurity and a reaction to hearing what you don't want to hear.

No, it's called TMI and that kind of TMI is not actually healthy or normal.

 

To answer your question on what others think, I think you are wasting your time and energy on this guy for nothing but a lot of humiliation to come. So I'll just say it again - get rid of him. This situation isn't doing you any good.

 

The other thing that I think is that you are pretty inexperienced and you'll just have to learn the hard way that if you stick your hand in the fire you will get burnt. A situation where no amount of advice will change your behavior, it's just something you'll have to learn the hard way.

How is being open and honest a bad thing? Also... I say again, I have already been changing my behaviour towards him.

He knows I am not a confident person and struggle with dating and meeting new people but somehow I am confident with him, again he knows this.

He feels right to you because you lack self-worth, and subconsciously someone who doesn't value you is all you believe you deserve. Sadly, you have a comfort level with dysfunction. If you stay single and work on your self-worth either through reading books and articles and practicing what you learn, or seeking therapy. Only then will you attract, and be attracted to, decent men.

If it's a quality, long-term relationship you want, not only can you no longer be in a FWB with him, but you can no longer be friends with him either. No new man in your life will accept you hanging out with and communicating with an ex FWB. And no, you don't have to have diarrhea of the mouth. It's not normal to discuss what is not anybody's else's business. Just as a new man in your life should not be told about an ex FWB. That's something in your past best kept to yourself.

This FWB will cause nothing but problems, sabotaging any man who tries to horn in on his action. He's a cat and you're the toy mouse he has fun batting around. When you boost your self esteem, you will shake your head at what you allowed. You have a lot of work to do to make your life what is has the potential to be. I'd get a head start and block and delete him ASAP. Take care.

While I get where you're coming from with most of this my judgement is far from clouded. I have literally said in my posts that I know things will not go any further. Also, as I said, we have not been having sex the same recently as I have pulled back from that. I was just looking to see what peoples thoughts were, more specifically on the part where he always seems to want sex when he thinks I am going on a date as that baffles me a little

When I read his behaviour I didn't pick up on anything that could be perceived as flattering or positive. There was nothing there that told me he's showing you any extra care or is genuinely interested in your overall wellbeing. If you have a moment to think on this for a bit, let's turn the attention away from him and think about what you perceive to be what a good date or a good partner should be. Do you know what that should be? It's good to think about examples or what attributes a good partner should have in a relationship.

How is being open and honest a bad thing? Also... I say again, I have already been changing my behaviour towards him.

Read or listen to Carly Simon's song We Have No Secrets -you're oversharing with someone you have a sexual arrangement with.

How long were you friends before you started having intercourse and hooking up?

How is being open and honest a bad thing? Also... I say again, I have already been changing my behaviour towards him.

Honesty and TMI are not the same thing. One is healthy, the other is not. How to explain that.....

So telling him "hey since you and I aren't serious or going anywhere, I'm going to be dating others and seeking a relationship." - good kind of honesty and communication about where you are at and what you are doing.

Telling him, "so hey I have a red hot date tonight" - is TMI. You already told him where you are at and he responded with the fact that he is good with that. No more details or further communication required from you. You already made your positions clear and so did he...as much as you don't want to accept it. Telling him when you have a date, is more you playing games, trying to make him jealous, get a reaction....except what you are getting is not the one that you want. He is NOT jumping in and making you a gf, he is just screwing you when you allow it. It doesn't even matter if it's every time or less often or random, he still gets laid and that's a nice freebie from his perspective and he will use that as long as you are willing or until he finds a bigger better deal, which will just hurt your ego and further your insecurities.

You can't find confidence when you set yourself up for failure and nobody is doing it to you. It's all you.

To be honest, you are the one who sounds confused out of the two of you.

You really ought to make a choice between having a FWB OR dating someone. Keeping both around, is disrespectful to your potential date.

I can't see that anyone would be too pleased to hear that you're sleeping around with this guy while trying to start a new romance with them. Not the best love story.

Choose one or the other.

As for the FWB guy, he doesn't want you. If he did, he'd be dating you properly. He just wants you at his beck and call, but not for anything more than a romp.

The words that comes to mind is 'being used'. You're good enough to sleep with, but good enough to date and be a proper boyfriend.

Mind you, you put up with it.

If you want a proper partner, get rid of this dead beat. You're not going to find anything worthwhile from him.

Maybe he's in the same place you are? He actually does like you and is thus jealous of the thought of you with other guys, be it a date or sex? No matter how casual the relationship, I can't imagine most guys are really fine with seeing a girl they are with go out with someone else. He's admitting to having feelings for you more then just sexual and he's admitted to being jealous of other guys. I'd say he's not comfortable with this arrangement either. But for some reason he doesn't want to go further. He may be taking advantage of the situation. He may just be confused about what he wants. We can't know what is in his mind. But either way, its not good for you and not helping you be happy.

That's the problem with FWB, feelings end up happening even if you don't want them to. Those feelings then make it difficult to continue the arrangement. So it comes down to what you actually want from this. If both of you are willing to go beyond FWB, then you need to make this a real relationship. If one or both of you is not interested, then it's probably time to end the FWB. You'll be free to pursue what you are really looking for without the extra layer of complications from wondering what the other person is thinking.