Jump to content

Abusive neighbour


CrazyWife

Recommended Posts

Well been getting into a bit of conflict with my neighbour and for the first time he is getting quite abusive.

Another neighbour had to phone the police on this elderly neighbour as he was being aggressive towards her which he denies.

Well today we had washing out in the communal back garden, i'm social housing, (he owns the house next door) and he was setting fire to something out in his back garden.

My husband very politely asked him if he could put out his fire as the smoke was travelling over to the garden to the washing.

My neighbour refused and he mentioned the bags of carpet, wood, clothes etc we have outside our door as we are having a clear out and he said that we put up with that rubbish which attracts mice (he maybe thinks it is food waste???)

But my husband said it is getting collected tomorrow for a skip run and walked away and said i am not getting in an argument.

My hubby then goes out again to get the washing back in and was met with abuse and that we are getting reported tomorrow for the bags outside.

My husband asked him not to swear at him and ge was told 'I will f'n swear at you if i want' Again, my husband just ignored him as was not wanting an argument.

I wish i went out but i was confused on what to do. We normally get on fine with them (even though they do moan) and have had the odd disagreement but never had abuse.

I haven't called the police about the abuse but will next time. Not sure if it is worth informing the police of this so they have a record of it without actually doing anything unless it happens again?

Any advice appreciated

 

TIA xx

Link to comment

That's the best approach for now. Unless you are about to move or he is why escalate things calling cops about disagreements, etc? Just walk away whenever you can. Decide what is annoying and what warrants police, in this case sounds like an unnecessary confrontation. .

my husband just ignored him as was not wanting an argument.
Link to comment

So.

"We normally get on fine with them (even though they do moan) and have had the odd disagreement but never had abuse."

 

This neighbour is elderly you say.

 

"for the first time he is getting quite abusive."

 

Is there a possibility this elderly man might have incipient dementia, as the change in behaviour (aggression) seems rather out of character as you say you generally get on fine with them. I find it odd that the situation and his behaviour escalated so quickly.

 

Hold your fire for the moment. Is this really a police matter yet? If things escalate out of control then perhaps have a word with the local council.

 

What Sarah said: Smile and wave.

 

That will disarm him.

Link to comment

Probably in your best interest for both you and your husband to stay inside and not fight with him at all.

 

Hopefully the bags will get picked up tomorrow and your yard will be kept clean, as he does have a point. Bags of rubbish are no good sitting out like that, (even if they are clothes, etc).

 

But for the time being, just stay away from him. No need to even speak to him. If he starts doing something that is bothering either one of you, ring either the police or counsel.

Link to comment
Yeah i admit it probably isn't good having the bags outside but i don't drive so have to rely on man with a van services so have to wait and have no room or a shed to store it.

 

I did wonder if he is getting dementia due to the behaviour.

 

The dementia is a good observation....

 

The mice comment, he probably meant due to vermin burrowing in there, not eating it. Next time try to coordinate pick up with the removal & keep the bags inside.

 

It can be tough dealing with a neighbor... Try to limit interactions. If he's out there, stay in and vice versa. or consider a fence or other barrier.

Link to comment

Dont call the cops, that'll just make the old man even grumpier. Now if he does something illegal that affects you, like break your windows, then call the cops. Cops hate fights between neighbours. Just ignore the old guy.

 

I've had some sh1t neighbours and learned to look the other way when they were outside.

Link to comment
Dont call the cops, that'll just make the old man even grumpier. Now if he does something illegal that affects you, like break your windows, then call the cops. Cops hate fights between neighbours. Just ignore the old guy.

 

I've had some sh1t neighbours and learned to look the other way when they were outside.

 

Yep, same. You learn to ignore and to not respond back. There's literally nothing else you can do. 9 times out of 10 the cops won't do much unless someones physically attacking someone else or things of that nature.

 

It's annoying, but not much else you can do.

Link to comment

You also have an abusive family.

 

There seems to be a lot of abuse coming your way. Do you feel like you are being abused by a lot of people?

 

Would you be interested in working with a therapist to learn how to deal with everyday stresses and how to deal with all the abuse?

Link to comment
Ok back to the neighbor thing. Relax try to forget about it. He seems like a grumpy old crank. Just be polite and avoid him.

 

Just hard sometimes. He just acts like he owns the place. He has some of his gardening items in my area but i don't complain.

But i think i should keep a log of any abuse for future reference in case i need it.

Link to comment

You seem to be quick to call things abuse.....

 

The man had the right to burn whatever in his yard. Your husband had no right to accost him over that or demand he put out the fire because it's inconvenient for you at that moment. The correct solution would have been to take your wash in and hang it up later once the smoke is gone. Not like it would have been burning all day.

 

Yes, it can be annoying when what you are doing clashes with what your neighbors are doing, but getting into any sort of an argument about that is out of line and foolish. In this situation, you were the instigators of a dispute and he had full right to tell your husband off about it. That's not abuse, OP. In short, don't punch someone in the nose and complain when they beat you up in return.

Link to comment

What gardening items does he have in your area?

 

If the laundry is wet and needs hanging, it's an inconvenience not to have it dry as soon as possible. Kids or pets might get into it also ruining the wash or it just doesn't dry in time before you need it. Is there another area of the property where you can hang it - maybe a balcony on the other side?

 

If not, why not look into a washer or dryer unit for the house? A small one or apartment-sized one is relatively cheap these days.

 

I agree with the others - avoid issues with your neighbours. It just saves you a lot of headache down the line.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...