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Thread: No hope

  1. #1
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    No hope

    This is going to be a long one, I'm sorry but I have nowhere else to turn to.

    I'm 33, divorced, single for six years, no children, and an extremely small circle consisting of less than a handful of people.
    For most of these six years I've been okay being single, I get lonely occasionally but as of lately it's really been bothering me.

    I don't drink so going to a bar is not an option for me cuz I don't enjoy being around people who are drinking, and there doesn't seem to be anywhere else to go to to meet people. I can have conversations with people online, but when it comes down to meeting them in person my anxiety gets the best of me. I have low self confidence and have let myself go over the years.

    I feel like there isn't a single good thing in my life right now. Usually I can make a pros-and-cons list and come to a decision about what needs to be done but right now it feels like there are no options and it feels like there's no hope.

    For the second time in two years I am facing the risk of homelessness. To put it in perspective, I lived in an apartment for five years where the rent was $600. I had a roommate for some of that time and we split the cost so I was paying $300 monthly.
    There were a ton of health and safety concerns that the landlord refused to fix and ultimately evicted me in bad faith by lying and saying he intended to move into the property.

    The rental market is absolutely insane here and places to live are few and far between. At the last minute I found a roommate and we found a place for $1,200 ($600 each). Fast forward to February when she moved out three months early, leaving me to pay the $1,200 monthly rent since then. So in a year I went from paying $300 to $1200 even though my income hasn't increased.

    I work at a dead-end retail job. I've been there for 5 years and I do not make $1,200 per month. The only way I've been able to pay my rent is because as a Canadian I received a benefit payment during the pandemic lockdown. I used to love my job, I was a yes man I would do anything to please, I looked forward to going, I would jump at the chance for any extra hours. I no longer feel this way. I don't feel like a valued team member, people have made false accusations against me, I can feel myself not performing as well etc.

    Originally I posted ads looking for a new roommate but ultimately I decided that I cannot live with a stranger. My anxiety gets the best of me even just thinking about it. I also have an extremely protective dog who does not like strangers, he is my world.

    I've done everything in my power to find a new place to live within my budget. I've posted ads, viewed every rental website you can imagine, I've had people put the word out for me, I've contacted listing agents, I've walked up and down the streets looking for rental signs, etc. I've even contacted our regional housing program but there is a 15-year waiting list for a one-bedroom apartment.

    My mom tries to tell me that I should move back to my hometown about 15 minutes from where I am now. I do not drive so I would not be able to stay at my current job.
    But I feel like moving back isn't going to solve anything for me. The few friends that I do have live in the city I'm in now. Rent isn't any cheaper there, it isn't any safer, there are not more job opportunities, etc. I would literally be leaving one poophole for another.

    As an outsider looking in, the most obvious answer is get a different job or get another job. But that doesn't work for me. I don't think that people truly understand how anxiety and depression is disabling. I can't just go and get another job as if it's the easiest thing to do.

    I feel like if I could change one thing in my life then maybe it would spark chain reaction and everything else would fall into place but right now I just feel so hopeless and I don't see a resolution happening for me.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Move back home and use public transportation. Can you take a bus to your job?

    While you're working at your current job, look for another job closer to home. Secure the second job before quitting your current job. Do what makes the most financial and economic sense.

    Bread 'n butter issues come first in your decision making. Survival such as eating and a roof over your head takes priority over friends.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I had to move in with family because I couldn't make ends meet. I had no other option. I stayed there for about a year and a half, then I was able to get a good job and move where I wanted to live.

    It was a sacrifice I needed to make. And I didn't have to worry about being homeless.

    I would suggest you move home with your mom temporarily. Then work on a plan to get back out on your own.

  4. #4
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    I know how paralyzing depression and anxiety can be. It's not easy. But your current situation is not sustainable. So unless you want to be homeless, you need to do something. Take it slow, you don't have to do everything all once. Piece by piece, it can get better.

    First, the housing situation. Giving the cost, living alone doesn't sound like it will work. Can you split a place with one of those handful of friends? That would be easier then rooming with a stranger. Probably the best move is to move home. I agree, if possible use public transportation. Find a job you can do to sustain yourself for now. Once you have the basics covered, try to think about what you actually do enjoy. Sounds like you need something to spark joy in your life, something you really love. Given you are close to your dog, do you enjoy animals? Maybe find some work or volunteer work involving them? Just an idea, it can be anything as long as you enjoy it. The aim is to get you focused on something positive, something that makes you smile. This can begin the process of pulling you from depressing thoughts and get your mind on better things that can encourage you to be your best. You might also meet people that can help you out with the housing/job situations. Plus, given that you have something in common with them already, it might help you for a few friendships to boost the confidence. I know, it's not as easy as it sounds for someone with anxiety. But you can do it.

    As an aside, I don't drink either and the one time I went out with people while they went to bars, I was miserable. So I'm completely with you on that. Someone who does that wouldn't be the kind of person you would want to meet, I'm sure. I think volunteering is a good way to meet people. You can do something good which will help you feel better about yourself. You'll generally be around nice people, so they are less likely to make you uncomfortable. You can get to know them over time and hopefully a friendship can develop.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Can you work two jobs and use transit (public transport)?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    There is always hope. I know it can be frustrating, aggravating, and at times, it can feel hopeless, but there is always hope.

    Have you tried personal counselling for your anxiety? Have you tried medications? Meditation? There are so many therapies that can help you a lot and that many have found help from.

    Moving home isn't the worst thing in the world. At least you have the option to move back home where as many don't have any other option but to lose a roof over their head, entirely.

    Having a family who supports and loves you, is a great thing. You are lucky in that respect.

    Lots of people have actually moved back home, due to this pandemic, so you're not alone. It's only temporary and once you've gotten on your feet again financially, then you can venture back out the finding your own place again.

    There are options, bmars. Please don't give up. You're not alone. You have loads of chances to turn things around. Give it some time, take it one day at a time.

  8. #7
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    Since you ONLY live 15 minutes from your hometown , the sensible option is to move home.
    You will automatically save $1200 per month and I doubt you canít stay in your current job due to transport issues since itís not that far away.
    Even Uber / taxi to and from work daily wonít amount to $1200 per month.

    There is hope but you are choosing not to see it.

    Moving home in your case is a step forward.
    So why arenít you doing it?

  9. #8
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    I'm not entirely sure where this whole moving home thing came from.
    Maybe I worded it wrong. I do not have the option of moving back home. My mom suggested that I move back to my hometown, not back to her home. My mom lives in a small house with her boyfriend and four dogs. My relationship with the boyfriend is toxic and there is absolutely no space for me there.

    I was trying to say I see no point in moving back to my home city. I will still have to find somewhere to live which is not any cheaper than where I am now.
    And I would have to get a new job.
    Taking a bus from my home city to my current job is not doable for me. Even though it's only a typical 15 minute ride by car, the bus takes an alternate route and ends up being close to an hour ride. It's also $6 each way which means everyday I would be giving up almost a full hour of wages just to get there and back. Most days my shifts are four hours long, so it doesn't make it worth it.

    Due to anxiety, I can only take one bus and that's the bus that I currently take to my job. It's less than a five-minute ride and it took me almost five years to be able to take the bus, I just started taking it at the end of last year. Prior to that I used to walk an hour there and an hour back every single day regardless of the time of day regardless of the weather. That's not an option if I moved to my hometown because it's mainly highway.

    Moving with one of the few ppl I have in my life unfortunately isn't an option. One of the people is my mom whom like I stated lives with her bf. Two of the people live with their husbands and children. The only "single without kids" friend that I have is a coworker but she has lived with her grandma her entire life and her grandma has really bad dementia and other issues so she doesn't want to move out.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You may have to go to social services for help. You don't seem to have many options. You could get help with food, housing, career training and most of all health care.

    Depending on others is not the way to go. Whether that's for a place to stay or rides, etc.

  11. #10
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    Since you are determined to shoot down every suggestion anyone gives , why have you posted on here?

    You do have the option to ask your mother to move in with her. She seems genuinely concerned about you.
    But you have decided thatís not possible because she lives in a small house with 4 dogs.

    A small house has at least 2 bedrooms. And whatís one more dog when already 4?

    You are 33 years old. You can decide to have as little interaction as you want with your motherís partner.

    Stop with the excuses?

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