Am i being guilt tripped? I'm unsure

Hi

I've been with my current girlfriend for 2-3 months now and everything is going great.

Before i had even met her, i had trips abroad planned and paid for and a wedding invitation that obviously again, all numbers sorted catering etc

A few days ago though, she spotted the invitation on the fridge and asked "ooo are you taking me as your plus one?" i replied in a joking tone "No, my brother is my plus one this was all sorted before i met you babe" and that was the end of it.

Yesterday i get a text as i suspected something was up with her, she said she felt like we was on different levels of maturity, she wants a man not a boy, and that she was speaking to her friends and that they was gobsmacked that i didnt want to invite her to the wedding as her plus one, thought i was a bit of a lad etc. Shes twisted the truth there as shes not been completely honest to her friends about it.

Is she guilt tripping me there? To get what she wants? As i was completely honest about these plans etc to her that all of this was all sorted and arranged well before i met her, in essence, absolutely out of my control, especially the wedding.

I'm just asking for advice on this situation as if i feel it is, i see it as a red flag and i will need to address it as it could be deemed as a form of manipulation.

Thanks in advance.

After dating 10 or so weeks she seems a bit presumptuous to expect being invited to a destination wedding. Yes trust your gut... it's a guilt trip, but worse, she's fast-tracking the relationship. And her pack of catty friends is another red flag that she can't think for herself and aligns her hearsay "jury" against you in a disagreement.

I've been with my current girlfriend for 2-3 months now and everything is going great.

Before i had even met her, i had trips abroad planned and paid for and a wedding invitation that obviously again, all numbers sorted catering etc

 

Is she guilt tripping me there?

I'm just asking for advice on this situation as if i feel it is, i see it as a red flag and i will need to address it as it could be deemed as a form of manipulation.

Are you two in high school?

She's immature and inconsiderate. Yes, it's a form of manipulation. She's forcing you to change your plans from having your brother accompany you to her accompanying you to the wedding instead which is selfish. She refuses to understand that your plans were already set in place prior to meeting her.

Tell her if this issue continues to be a source of contention for her then continuing a relationship with her will continue to flounder.

End it politely.

Thank you for your advice, i pulled her up on it was actually 4-5 months we've been dating but still, same principle applies.

LOL so you jokingly told her you'd rather go to the wedding with someone else and then made sure to add "babe" at the end of it for good measure. I like how defensive you were, basically saying "if you think I'm taking YOU there is no way . . . babe."

I get that all of this was carved in stone many, many months ago and plans can't be changed, but if you've been seeing her for 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 months, at what point do you think it might be appropriate to take HER as a date to a public event? No matter, really, it sounds as if she's dumping you in favor of a man who may possibly be a little more open to having someone in his life.

She's being a jerk and trying to manipulate you.

You have a right to your own life and your own friends/plans, even if you have a girlfriend.

If I were you, I would seriously question the maturity level of this girl. Not only is she willing to throw you under the bus in front of her friends in her order to get her own way, but she is trying to be controlling and manipulative only 3 months in.

I would say say goodbye and not look back. I doubt many would deal with this kind of bs.

And her pack of catty friends is another red flag that she can't think for herself and aligns her hearsay "jury" against you in a disagreement.

Yes. A grown woman works out her problems in a relationship with her partner and doesn't bring it up to others. An immature woman tells everyone and tries to turn them against you in order to get her own way.

This is high school crap.

I get that all of this was carved in stone many, many months ago and plans can't be changed, but if you've been seeing her for 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 months, at what point do you think it might be appropriate to take HER as a date to a public event? No matter, really, it sounds as if she's dumping you in favor of a man who may possibly be a little more open to having someone in his life.

That's nonsense. He's allowed to have his own life too and to do things with friends and family where it doesn't include her. Many of us married people have our freedom to not only do things with our spouse but to have our own time with our friends/family.

You aren't automatically forced into bringing your significant other everywhere you go once you're dating, it's not prison.

It would be different if he constantly left her out, but ONE time and plans he had made BEFORE they met? That's just downright controlling and harsh.

If she can't understand, then she doesn't deserve a boyfriend.

She's being immature, and frankly quite insulting towards you.

How old is this girl?

Her whole attitude about this and the way she's obviously rallying her friends against you is not good. I would reflect on what that says about her.

LOL so you jokingly told her you'd rather go to the wedding with someone else and then made sure to add "babe" at the end of it for good measure. I like how defensive you were, basically saying "if you think I'm taking YOU there is no way . . . babe.".

Where on earth are you getting that from? That's quite the reach.

I don't see any defensiveness in his words, nor what you are suggesting he implied. He also didn't say he'd "rather take" his brother; he said it had already been planned before they'd even met and his brother was going with him. Let's not twist his words.

LOL so you jokingly told her you'd rather go to the wedding with someone else and then made sure to add "babe" at the end of it for good measure. I like how defensive you were, basically saying "if you think I'm taking YOU there is no way . . . babe."

 

I get that all of this was carved in stone many, many months ago and plans can't be changed, but if you've been seeing her for 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 months, at what point do you think it might be appropriate to take HER as a date to a public event? No matter, really, it sounds as if she's dumping you in favor of a man who may possibly be a little more open to having someone in his life.

Actually it's very rude to invite someone to a major event well in advance, i.e. his brother, then just tell him don't bother coming. If someone did nothing wrong then you don't just un-invite them and take someone else. If I got uninvited I would be angry or at least very disappointed. Actually I think the fact that he sticks to his original promise shows that he is mature, rather than immature.

Regarding the trips overseas, if the trips are booked with friends and they're sharing the hotel room or backpackers room and it's all pre-paid, then it might be not possible to add another person into the room. What is the situation regarding the trip? Like what has actually been arranged?

Although the girlfriend might be angry because maybe he hasn't introduced her to his friends and family and doesn't invite her out when he goes out? Maybe it seems to her like he's hiding her? I think that in a relationship you should be allowed to have your own friends and do your own things, but it should be relatively even. So inviting your partner to things a fair bit as well to show them that they're a big part of your life.

Hey, what about your brother's interest in going? You can't just pull the rug out from under his feet because a "fresh" GF enters the picture.

She overplayed her hand.

Thank you for your advice, i pulled her up on it was actually 4-5 months we've been dating but still, same principle applies.

Is your brother actually enthusiastic about accompanying you to this wedding? Do you know or is your brother grudgingly attending this wedding with you? Why don't you ask him how he feels about attending this wedding? Not everyone wants to take the time and energy (& expense) to travel and attend weddings. Some people have better things to do than attend a wedding. Some people prefer not to attend weddings.

If your brother isn't thrilled about attending this wedding, then you can ask your girlfriend of 4 - 5 months if she would like to accompany you to this wedding but don't tell her until you know if your brother is truly interested in attending this wedding or not.

She is a jerk. I think it is incredible she thought she would go at this point of dating, plus he planned on attending.

Big red flag time! How old is she?

LOL so you jokingly told her you'd rather go to the wedding with someone else and then made sure to add "babe" at the end of it for good measure. I like how defensive you were, basically saying "if you think I'm taking YOU there is no way . . . babe."

 

I get that all of this was carved in stone many, many months ago and plans can't be changed, but if you've been seeing her for 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 months, at what point do you think it might be appropriate to take HER as a date to a public event? No matter, really, it sounds as if she's dumping you in favor of a man who may possibly be a little more open to having someone in his life.

He has a commitment to his brother. He would be a jerk to ask his new gf.

My suspicion is that this isn't solely about the wedding. Being invited to a special event generally signals to the other person that they are very important to you and that you see having a future with her. What do you think?

Might be true to a certain degree, greendots, but they only JUST started dating, she had no right to expect that of him.

The brother still matters and what the girlfriend did in telling her friends and then turning them against him, is a type of bullying.

None of what she did was okay.

Hey OP go to the wedding with your brother and have a great time. Your gf was out of line to think she was going to be able to go with you instead of your bro. She sounds like a real brat and quite immature. If she dumps you over this, then you aren't out much.

Thanks everyone. I'll do my best explain further. I'm 33 with an 8 yr old step daughter and a 4 yr old son, she is 37 with a 17 yr old and a 12 yr old. Regarding the trips firstly, i think what set her off, as i have a big circle of friends due to my rugby connections, i'm in all sorts of whatsapp groups.

Now i got in invite to go Lanzarote with them, and i impulsely said yes to going and she rightly pulled me up on this as i never went through her first or at least discussed it. I held my hands up to her to that and apologised as she was well within her rights in my opinion to voice that one, as i say that trip i held my hands up to and told my friends after thinking about the chat we had that she is right and i took my self of it. My trips to germany, COVID happended, that got rescheduled to next year, France was cancelled and awaiting refund and Portugal was still up in the air, all of which are lads trips but as i say these were planned before i met her, so i thought it was out of order to tell her mates that as it does make out i'm a bit of a LAD, i aint silly to know that when your with someone even that i know is far too much.

The wedding however, i understand the that yes you want to invite your better half to functions of these nature, but this one was completely out of my control as weddings in their nature are all planned way in advance. My brother and i are going for 2 days to the venue as were having drinks with the groom and close family the day before the wedding, stopping over etc. As i say these arrangements where in place well before i had met her. So me saying what i did, as at this point, i am comfortable with her to speak my mind and say flippant comments out of fun, she has obviously taken this to heart an thought that i genuinely didnt want to take her. In a way i understand but i genuinely feel i have not done anything wrong as the wedding is completely out of my control as numbers etc were in place so there would be not chance of her coming anyway.

We have been out in public going out for meals etc and theres no better feeling i have when i'm out with her, i just think shes been a bit wrong to try and make me feel guilty about something that's been all arranged way before i met her, i dont know if it was a test? or a game? it worked by the way as i ended up asking the groom then telling her i've asked about you and awaiting reply, for her to then turn round and say "well i might be away for a couple of days then so i wouldnt be able to go, i just thought you would want to take your partner to the wedding as thats what couples do but hey ho i guess where just different" made myself out to be a fool as the expected reply from the groom was sorry unfortunately no.

You have a stepdaughter? Are you single? You need to stay single for a while.

As far as the wedding. She was never invited and that works for you because you don't want her to go anyway.

Just end it . She's too complicated for you and you enjoy being free and single too much to bother with all this.

You have a stepdaughter? Are you single? You need to stay single for a while.

As far as the wedding. She was never invited and that works for you because you don't want her to go anyway.

Just end it . She's too complicated for you and you enjoy being free and single too much to bother with all this.

I was single before i met her hence me booking on these trips, but as they are all paid for i cant not change plans, i hand on heart genuinely want it too work, as i definately see myself with her in the future, until this issue came up hence the reason i'm asking for advice. Its not that i didnt want her to come, i did, but it was out of my control regardless and i just dont think she had the right to guilt me into changing plans that where made before i met her, i said it jokingly because i didnt think it would be such an issue as i told her upfront about it all

To be honest, now that you've actually explained everything, I think she sounds very precious and dramatic. And immature. You actually asked the groom if she can go but she was like: "I'll probably go out of town and can't even go". So why make a huge fuss about it then??!! I mean even from the start you explained to her why you're taking your brother so why did she make these comments like "I want to be with a real man", etc. You already explained everything clearly to her so why is she being rude! She sounds immature for 37.

Also you actually should be allowed to have friends and go on boys' trips away. And she can have girl friends too and do the same. Couples don't have to do everything together all the time, they can do their own things from time to time as well. It's true that it's good to discuss with your partner first if you're going to go away. But at the same time if she forbid you to go and you had to cancel on your friends, that sounds controlling to me. If my partner told me he's going away with the guys, to be honest I wouldn't even care. Maybe I might say: "A bit disappointed you didn't tell me first". But I wouldn't tell him not to go! Coz personally I like to have a girls' trip away sometimes too.

It's about compatibility and if you like to have more independence and do things with friends and your girlfriend is not fine with it, then maybe it's not going to work out. Like if you hardly had any friends then maybe you can be with someone like her, but if she doesn't want you to have time with friends then it might become an issue.

Tinydance: I asked the groom after she made me feel guilty about it. So as i say i made myself feel a fool. It was also the way she went to her friends told them a twisted truth, if she'd have told them that it was all sorted before i met her then she wouldnt have got what she wanted to hear. So she said what she did to get the judgement she wanted. As you say it seemed immature and i was unsure if it was a guilt trip, it is clear now it was.

Why keep re-explaining it? She can't go. End of story. If she dumps you over that. End of story. Are you afaid the sex will dry up unless you keep gyrating from one long winded explailnation to another?

It's real simple. She was never invited so why continue to go on about it?