Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 25

Thread: In hospital the last few days...reminded of why I didn't want my dad moving in..

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2020
    Posts
    12

    In hospital the last few days...reminded of why I didn't want my dad moving in..

    I was in the hospital due to a minor injury that required me to be here for a few days.

    My dad has used this to move in and micromanage everything.

    When I got out of surgery, the doctor told me I should eat something. Naturally, he said it would be better for me to eat a light meal. The nurse came to my room later on and asked what I wanted. My dad suddenly jumps in and tries to speak over me and says "No, he'll just take a some fruit and a glass of water." At this point I haven't eaten in about 16 hours, and I'm pretty hungry. I have to argue with him to get the meal that I wanted because he insists that fruit is enough.

    The meal comes and he decides to comment on the food looking too salty and telling me to have only half of it.

    Later that night, a nurse comes by and asks me if I want any painkillers. He tries to lecture me and tell me that it's really all in my head and that I'm going to get addicted if I take too many. I get the pill. He makes a comment about how I drank water for the pill straight from the bottle as oppose to pouring it into a cup first, and how I could have choked.

    I need to get up and go to the bathroom. I get the crutches since I'm not allowed to put weight on my foot. Dad decides to follow me into the bathroom. I practically have to shout at him to get out while I do my business.

    8:15 rolls around and I'm in good enough shape to get some work done. I get my laptop out and he starts questioning why I'm not asleep yet because it's "almost 9PM".

    He has to comment on every little thing that goes on yet when I asked him to do something simple like help me plug in my phone charger, he fumbled with it for 5 minutes, and acted as if he couldn't figure out what to plug in where.

    I tried to tell him to go home. My wife wanted to come down and spend the night, but he wouldn't back down. He thinks that he's being helpful but he's really just annoying me at this point.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,604
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear that. You need some firmer boundaries even if your culture typically cares for thier elders. Focus on ways to finance your own mortgage so you can develop an exit strategy for your father to an appropriate senior community.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    2,507
    Gender
    Female
    Sorry to hear about the injury OP. Hope you will recover very soon.

    I can only echo what CF said on your other thread:

    "What's the barrier to helping him move into his own place?"

    You really do need to get a handle on this situation OP.

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2020
    Posts
    12
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear that. You need some firmer boundaries even if your culture typically cares for thier elders. Focus on ways to finance your own mortgage so you can develop an exit strategy for your father to an appropriate senior community.
    He's always micromanaged everything. If we go out for a steak dinner and I order my steak medium rare, he'll try to tell me I should get it well done. If I'm working on my computer, he'll tell me the font size is too small and it's too hard to read, or the screen is too dim, or that I'm typing too fast and will "jam up" the computer. If I'm watching TV, I could be clear across on the other side of the room but he'll say I'm sitting too close and it's bad for my eyes. You get the idea.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    2,507
    Gender
    Female
    We get the idea Cinadan. But we keep asking: "What are you going to do to remedy this already untenable situation".

    What practical plans are you putting in place so that your father can move to a place of his own. Soon.

  7. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2020
    Posts
    12
    I'm trying to find him a studio. I will pay the rent until what he gave me for the mortgage is paid off. The problem is that rents for a decent place are expensive and I'll be shelling out more cash to get him set up. For all the years he lived alone, he never bought any furniture and just used what the previous landlord provided. He didn't even get a kitchen table until 6 years after moving in. Previously, he'd just eat dinner at his desk.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    2,507
    Gender
    Female
    Yes, rents can be expensive for a reasonably good place, depending where you are. Don't know which continent you are on, but generally rents in capital cities are high.

    I do see your dilemma, OP, and how annoying that your father didn't have proper furniture which could now be used to furnish a studio for him. Still and all, even if you have to pay his rent for the time being, you will be protecting your sanity! Better for him too, as he will have his independence, he is still active (you remarked that he gets out and about and plays golf).

    You have, I take it, discussed with him that you are hunting for a studio apartment for him?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    6,801
    Gender
    Female
    The money you spend on rent for a place for him, and furniture if needed, will be money well spent. Stop complaining and do something about this or it will never end.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    4,552
    There are so many issues that can be resolved by just talking it out instead of being in a huff and a puff. If you see him in the room next time or when it comes to visit you have to be clear that you're doing fine and need more privacy. Figure out your language and your words because they can hurt another person and hurt upon hurt just does nothing. It's completely useless and creates more issues.

    Was your dad a single parent? It sounds like he's very lonely and is wanting to get through to you or speak with you but he's doing it in all the ways that appear irritating. Did you have any disabilities or other health issues growing up?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,404
    Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Stop complaining and instill boundaries!

    Speedy recovery!

    Has he moved out of your apartment? You need to focus on your new marriage. Dad needs to move.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 08-20-2020 at 12:34 PM.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •