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Thread: In hospital the last few days...reminded of why I didn't want my dad moving in..

  1. #21
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    My Mum is not this extreme but she's similar. I manage it by not actually allowing her to be present in all my life situations. I live alone and I just visit my parents once a week or once a fortnight. Don't have your father living with you. Does he not have a pension or any life savings? Why do you have to pay for his appointment? Don't have him living with you and minimise him being present in difficult situations. Simply tell him: "Sorry Dad you can't visit me in hospital today because my wife/friend will be visiting me." Don't let him order your food or speak on your behalf. You need to be way firmer and tell him very clearly that you'll be making your own decisions.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Aug 2020
    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Calling security to have him removed is dramatic. You can calmly and respectfully tell him that you are a grown man that he raised you well enough to think for yourself. As much as you appreciate that his remarks come from a place of love and concern, you need to focus on your health and your views are counter to his.
    He literally doesn't get it unless I do something that extreme. I can tell him I don't need him to make my decisions for me and he'll just say "I'm only trying to help out! I wouldn't have interefered if you knew what you were doing! Why can't you just be grateful?"

    Apparently wanting to eat a sandwich after fasting for 24 hours is "not knowing what I'm doing".

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Why are you getting into this ancient adolescent battle with him? You keep complaining about him but are causing the problems by doing nothing about it except dragging him into your home your life etc.

    Give his money back and realize this is not a Hallmark father son moment.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017

    How is the hunt for a studio apartment for your father going? And have you told him outright that he will be going to his new accommodation soon?

    Action is needed OP. Not complaining. Once you have found (asap) accommodation for him the sooner your life will settle down.


  6. #25
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    A friend of mine once told me this when I repeatedly complained about my husband:
    "Boltnrun, I love you dearly. But you either divorce that guy or shut up about him because I'm sick of hearing you complain without doing anything about it."

    Now, we are not sick of hearing about it. Not at all. But you have posted threads about your father and you complain but you haven't mentioned concrete steps you are taking to resolve it.

    Your father will not change. We cannot "get" others to change or understand or be different than who they are. The only people we have complete control over is ourselves.

    So...what are you going to DO?

    If you choose to do nothing I have to presume you are getting something positive out of these interactions and don't truly want it to stop.

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