Jump to content

Not sure what went wrong !!


wispard

Recommended Posts

Hi all I’m a newbie. So I was in a 4 year relationship with a man, we spent every weekend, holidays and some midweek days together; he was my best friend too. He sent me a text out of the blue just before my birthday Dec 2019 stating if nothing more he needed time out. I reached out thinking it was work pressures and told him to take as much time as he needed and that I was here for him. He replied saying Geezus H are you not sorry ??? Moving on we met up hoping he was going to explain himself, I asked him outright and emails if there was someone else etc? He said there was not but he needed to do what was right for him. During lockdown, he never intimated the first text unless I did. I pulled back in July. Last week I sent a text of hi and no reply, the next day I sent a voice memo explaining that I felt he was a coward for not being honest on where I stood. I told him I loved him and realised that this was not going to change anything, but clarity from him would be appreciated. He has listened to it since the app stated it had been read, but no reply. I am now working on me, but just feel baffled by it all. Any advice/support would be much appreciated. Thanks

Link to comment
Hi all I’m a newbie. So I was in a 4 year relationship with a man, we spent every weekend, holidays and some midweek days together; he was my best friend too. He sent me a text out of the blue just before my birthday Dec 2019 stating if nothing more he needed time out. I reached out thinking it was work pressures and told him to take as much time as he needed and that I was here for him. He replied saying Geezus H are you not sorry ???

 

Sorry for what?

 

I think we are missing some context here. What was he referring to when he asked if you were sorry?

Link to comment

Based on what you wrote, he ended a four year relationship by text out of the blue. If that is the case, that alone should tell you that he is a spineless, selfish clown with no integrity. You should THANK your lucky stars that this sorry excuse of a human being is out of your life. Based on your post, this guy is a selfish coward with the EQ of an amoeba so there is no point in expecting any closure from him. If he was capable of any, he wouldn't have pulled such crap on you in the first place. His behaviour tells all you need to know. You lost nobody special. Delete and block this clown. Seriously.

Link to comment

Four years together and he sends a text about something so major? That's jerk behavior. This sounds like such a shallow relationship with what you've written. And your reaction was so nonchalant when he said he needed a break. If a partner doesn't spell out what needs to be fixed for them to be happy, then it means they don't care to fix things. It's over so delete him as a contact, mourn, and move on. Do you have a life besides having had a bf, spent with girlfriends, a good career, and a hobby or interest you're involved in?

Link to comment

It doesn't sound like he's willing to communicate with you. Don't text or leave voice recordings anymore. You called him a coward but he may really be fed up of the way you speak to him or might have found you condescending or rude in the past. He also expected you to be sorry sometime in late Dec. For what? Apparently he thinks you should know.

 

There are a lot of people out there who don't communicate well or are afraid of backlash if they communicate anything further due to whatever insecurities they have about themselves or the way others perceive them. You may have been raised in an environment where speaking your mind is a normal thing and he may have known otherwise or is insecure or very sensitive.

 

Four years is awhile to spend with someone and realize they can't or won't communicate with you. Take a time out to absorb what happened in 2019 and don't reach out anymore. Take a deep breath. Things will get better as soon as you realize things were not what they seemed and he wasn't what he appeared to be at the time.

Link to comment

I am also baffled that anyone would stop a four year relationship like that. I don't know what to advise since he's already declined your requests to communicate, so repeated requests will probably produce the same result.

 

Explaining to us what that "are you not sorry?" comment meant might help us better understand what's going on, just maybe.

Link to comment
Based on what you wrote, he ended a four year relationship by text out of the blue. If that is the case, that alone should tell you that he is a spineless, selfish clown with no integrity. You should THANK your lucky stars that this sorry excuse of a human being is out of your life. Based on your post, this guy is a selfish coward with the EQ of an amoeba so there is no point in expecting any closure from him. If he was capable of any, he wouldn't have pulled such crap on you in the first place. His behaviour tells all you need to know. You lost nobody special. Delete and block this clown. Seriously.

 

Couldn't have said it better!!!!

 

OP, it has been 9 months, you need to stop looking for an answer that you will not receive- this is almost a quarter of your relationship. This guy is a real POS. You really want this guy back after the way he has treated you?

 

Stop wasting your energy on him. Block and delete.

Link to comment

Sorry you are going through this heartache. Four years is a long time. However, I also don't understand what he meant when he said "Geezus H are you not sorry ???" Does he mean if you're not sorry that he wanted a break from the relationship, or did he expect an apology for something you said, or did?

 

Personally, I think you were being considerate of his feelings when you said to take as much time as you need. I also feel that perhaps you should have asked him if he wanted to talk about it. I seems very clear that he doesn't want to open the channel of communication so, please, leave him alone. Block him, and do your best to move on. It's sad but sometimes we won't get any answers that we want or need. With time, you will heal and feel better. Again, please know that that ship has sailed. (sorry)

Link to comment
Couldn't have said it better!!!!

 

OP, it has been 10 months, you need to stop looking for an answer that you will not receive. This guy is a real POS. You really want this guy back after the way he has treated you?

 

Stop wasting your energy on him. Block and delete.

 

I agree 100% with Clio.

Link to comment

The only mistake you made was to keep texted him. He asked for space, and you did not give it to him. That part is clear.

I don't know why he did this, but its possible, if you take an honest look, that there were warning signs -- a couple doesn't go from happy and close to zero -- sometimes the other party just doesn't listen. Was there signs of him pulling away at other times -- or him not seeing you on your normal day to do something with a family member or to just chill by himself, and you got possessive about it? I would stop any urge to communicate with him forever. He asked for space and either there is someone else OR it wasn't all roses and you just didn't want to believe it. Spending a lot of days together doesn't mean things are perfect. It will only help you moving on

Link to comment
I reached out thinking it was work pressures and told him to take as much time as he needed and that I was here for him. He replied saying Geezus H are you not sorry ???

 

I mean, this right here is likely the root of the issues... you assume it's work pressures, he assumes something completely different... would seem to be a lack of communication between the two of you.

 

I am still not clear as to whether you were actually broken up the whole time and it would seem you were lacking the same clarity.

 

At the end of the day, strive for a relationship where you have clear communication, where you have a direction as a couple, where you are both on the same page about who you are and what you want in life.

Link to comment

I'm sorry you were on the receiving end of his extremely disrespectful and inconsiderate behavior.

 

Even though you don't want to accept his boorish behavior, you have to accept it albeit grudgingly. He basically told you to scram and get lost. He's very self-centered and selfish. He doesn't care how you feel, doesn't care to give you the courtesy of any explanation whatsoever and prefers to ignore you. He's dropping you like a hot potato. :upset: He's not a man. A real man is honorable and possesses integrity. He did neither.

 

I'm sorry you wasted 4 years of your youth and life on him. Better now than later though. In your mind, say, "Good riddance!" He did you a favor by showing you his true ugly character now than years from now.

 

Work on you, let time heal your broken heart and grow stronger and wiser from pain. It's hard for you to see this now but I've always taken bad, very painful experiences as newfound wisdom gained. New wisdom and strength will enable you to navigate your future more shrewdly and and astutely.

Link to comment

I am still not sure what I should be sorry for since he was the one to step away with no explanation of what he meant. I asked outright a few times what was the issue and he would just change the subject. I felt I was getting mixed messages from him, I simply said back in January and in March if it’s over just be honest. He kept saying that was not the case !! I defriended him from my Facebook too since he kept liking all my post and I no longer wanted this breadcrumb behaviour.

Link to comment

Correction I forgot to add I didn’t keep texting him. I asked him in person once and by text 2 months later. I stepped back he then came forward and then he stepped back saying maybe it could be fixed or maybe it couldn’t. He told me he was happy to chat to me but not about us so I stepped back again and texted for the first time after 7 weeks which is when I sent the voice memo. My memo stated I was offended that he could treat me this way. If nothing more it allowed me to release the emotional luggage I had been carrying since Dec. I m moving on but I so appreciate your reply thank you 🙏

Link to comment

A relative point; we shared our issues all the time up until the text. Work at the time was stressful for him and he admitted sending a text was not the right move but work was getting to him. This is why I presumed it was indeed work. But although I was sharing with him, he must have been stewing and I simply did not detect their was a concern.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...