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Thread: Is My Sister Making Excuses?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    She's talking it out...she needs to weigh her options more. Obviously she loves her BF and would like to make it work with him, but she won't admit to that to you. When people are in toxic situations, they can't be told what to do, and it's never a good idea to do so. It's better for her to work through this on her own. Sure she will make mistakes, poor choices, but how is she to learn about life right? She has been offered an out....when she is ready, she will take that option if she hasn't got anything else. Just be supportive, and listen when she needs to vent or get some emotional support.

    TBH I don't blame her on the Covid thing. Even tho it's not as bad where I live, you won't catch me doing anything else but going to work, and quick shopping at a small grocery chain that has excellent Covid/social distancing/clean and sanitized store. Cases have exploded recently tho because dumb young people are having parties/clubbing and crap, spreading it like wild fire. It so frustrating.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by JDAnthony
    My younger sister reached out to me about a month ago saying she was not doing well.

    A little background: She's 29 and living in the northern Midwest with her boyfriend and her boyfriend's mom. They have been living with, and living off of his mom for several years. My sister has been a supervisor at a party supplies store but was recently laid off due to COVID. She's been on unemployment for a few months now. Her boyfriend, also 29, hasn't had a job in quite a while. He thinks he's going to make it big as a gaming streamer on Twitch, so he spends all day doing that. (I've previously warned her about that part before). His mom works and pays most of the bills for the house. His mom is the only one with a car as well. So basically, my sister and her bf are almost 30 and still living like teenagers. His mom doesn't seem to care and has been enabling it.

    So when my sister contacted me, she told me that she's upset because she caught her boyfriend talking sexually with another girl through online. This is the 3rd time he's done this in the past few years. She said she wants to move out but has nowhere to go.

    I live in the South and we have another sister that lives here too. Her and I talked about our sister up north and how much of a toxic and unhealthy situation she is in. The sister in my city has offered for her to move here to the south and stay at her house because she has a lot of extra room. She has said she is welcome to come and be herself but she'll eventually have to get a job and get on her own feet.

    So she's been somewhat interested in this option but has repeatedly brought up several concerns about COVID and the lifestyle here. She is hesitant because she says it's a big change. I've told her that is is going to be an adjustment but anything is better than what she has going on right now.

    She seemed rather on board about the idea until yesterday. Sh's like, "Well I want to come, but COVID is on the rise and I'm telling you, I haven't left my house AT ALL in months and I'd like it to stay that way until the virus is over." She says she's not interested in leaving her house to have another job outside of the home until the virus is over and is looking for opportunities online to make money. I understand that because that is what I have done but I've worked hard for a couple of years to gain certain skills to be able to work and offer services online.

    But I told her that her unemployment isn't going to last forever. She understands that but she says she wants to wait until it runs out and then she'll get a job outside of the home only if she absolutely has to, and THEN she might think about moving down here. She says it's too much of a risk to her health to move down here right now.

    Meanwhile our other sister that lives here is getting fed up with her stalling and excuses. She's offering for her to move down here right now, not "maybe, whenever she feels like it, IF she gets desperate for money someday"


    So I'm wondering, is using COVID as her reason for hesitating a reasonable excuse? I understand there's concerns but I'm thinking she might not really be that interested in getting out of her situation.

    I just don't know why she would rather stay there and be cuckolded by her man and keep living off of his moms and whatever she's getting on unemployment.

    Is it a lost cause?
    So good to see that my tax dollars are being spent so well. Won't even attempt to find something in her area.

    Your sister is a bum and so is her loser bf. That's it! If it weren't Covid, it would be something else, as we have seen she is comfortable living off of the mother. She is a grownass woman, isn't it time that folks stopped enabling her.

  3. #13
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    There is remote work that does not involve gaming. She can find out about that through the state's unemployment website.

    She ought to suck it up and get something going. Virus or not, basic life expenses have to be covered and the government and BFs mom won't do it forever.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    This is probably a good time to step back and focus on your own ongoings. We care about what goes on with family (that's what family is) but you're getting a little too close to the fire. This is between the two sisters and has nothing to do with you.

    Don't worry about judging so much. Let all that tension go. Focus on yourself and your own work and where you want to be.

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  6. #15
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    A lot of people moved during Covid - either they could no longer afford their place, they were moving anyways and it was preplanned, or it was the last straw that made them make the leap to move back near family or out of the city. I know several people like that and it was a safe endeavor- they pack up a pod, its delivered and they drove to their new home. Your sister living with her bf's mom must not have too many possessions. She could actually mail a few boxes of clothes or mementos, etc. My cousin's kids moved in at college as well .

    I think you should tell your sis who is offering her a place to stay to offer, then leave it alone and only worry about it if sis comes back to say "im ready".

    I think even getting a break for clarity if she were just to stay for a month would be good. it would give her the distance and strength to leave the bf.

    Don't pressure the sis and tell the offering sis to relax

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Your sister is a grown adult and responsible for her own life however way she wishes to conduct it. It's out of your realm. In your heart, you can wish her well, pray for her from afar and let it be.

    I have a sister, too and her life isn't that great. However, there's nothing I can do. Just like your sister, she chose her life and she has to deal with her circumstances. It's her doing and you have no control over that even if your intentions are from a good place, a good, sincere heart; it doesn't matter.

    I was once you and tried to be in hero mode, tried so hard to save several waifs in my life to no avail. These people included my cousin, neighbor, friend and sister. I've since learned to let go and let them live their own lives. The old saying, "You've made your bed and now you must lie in it" is so true. People are responsible for themselves and you have to accept this is how it is for them. You may not have to like it but you have to grudgingly accept that some people's lives are not optimal based upon their choices and circumstances.

    I know it's a helpless feeling. However, it's called a harsh reality check. I commend you for your efforts.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You can't fix other people's lives. Know your boundaries and limits.

    Let others deal with their personal troubles while you live your own life to the best of your ability.

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