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Thread: Worried about my best friend

  1. #11
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    Does she show interest in your life? Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I had a friend who was similar in some ways to your "friend." She wore me out with her constant complaining and whining and she NEVER listened to anything I had to say. In the end I had to cut her out of my life as she was draining me too much.

    You really need to step back from her, stop talking to her for hours on end. She needs her therapists, they would be the ones to help her, not you. You are not qualified to help her.

  3. #13
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    “ That’s the other thing - she tells anyone who will listen her entire life story. I’m not exaggerating you guys. Anyone”


    So you are just another “anyone” for her to whinge to.

    Basically you have just described someone you have no interest in being friends with since you get nothing out of this apparent “friebdship”

    So fade away.
    Don’t answer her calls so readily. She will find another “anyone” to vent to.

    She is not holding up her end of the friendship , so why do you?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How do you find the time to talk to her so much? Your time would be better spent on income producing work so you can finally kick your bil and his teenager out of your place. You and your partner both need real jobs. You also need to take better care of yourself and your own mental health.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Does she show interest in your life?
    Yes, she does. She always has. She’s always been a great friend to me. Obviously when she’s having her meltdown moments the attention is all on her, but she has always been here for me, and she has always been a true friend. When my dad died she flew across the country that day to be here for me. She’s that kind of friend. It’s just been way more overwhelming than usual lately with her. That’s why I came here. My husband and I just bought a house and she was thrilled. I just got a new art studio and she was thrilled. She wants to send me a care package of goodies for the new house. She’s always interested in what’s going on with me. This post wasn’t intended to be about how crappy of a friend she is. I’m just worried about her and feel stuck and overwhelmed. She’s delusional to anyone telling her the truth or good advice.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    How do you find the time to talk to her so much? Your time would be better spent on income producing work so you can finally kick your bil and his teenager out of your place. You and your partner both need real jobs. You also need to take better care of yourself and your own mental health.
    Danggg. That literally has nothing to do with this post but okay :)

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by undertheivy
    Danggg. That literally has nothing to do with this post but okay :)
    I think that Wisey asked a valid question. What happened to the the BIL and son? Are you and your husband working stable jobs?

  9. #18
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    This friendship is nothing more than her using you as just another "anyone" to whine to in order to get attention. Emotional vampire, energy vampire is about correct. She feels better, you feel drained.

    She isn't interested in hearing about your life or problems not because she is so deep, but because she doesn't actually care about you. When you stop being her emotional tampon, she tunes out because you are no longer useful to her, aka it's not about her so it's not interesting to her. Vomiting about her problems in life and creating many from what you've described, doesn't make her deep, it makes her shallow, selfish, and self centered. There is nothing deep about her behavior - just a lot of drama and pretense.

    As for giving her advice, please stop wasting your breath. She doesn't see her life as a problem and is doing what she wants - whinge, whine, feed off people's attention. A professional victim. She has three therapist she is actually paying to listen to her drama. They can't fix her because she doesn't want to be fixed.

    What you've described is so one sided and toxic, I really wonder what you are getting out of this.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    That's mental illness....big denial that they need advice or help. They feel more comfortable coping with things their way because it feels "safe". Doing anything different scares them and that's when they panic, divert, go hiding. I doubt she is seeing 3 therapists. She's just telling you that as to not receive any advice. So what you can do is divert the conversation to more positive things, generic things, and nothing about her misery, depression or issues. Redirect her attention. Do it in small increments, and hopefully she will be more interested in how you make things positive for her. Hey it's worth a shot.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I think that Wisey asked a valid question. What happened to the the BIL and son? Are you and your husband working stable jobs?
    My husband and I do have stable jobs. He now owns his own shop and I am a successful and well known artist. My work has been published in 3 magazines the past year (twice in the last 6 months). I sell my work online, so both of our shops are doing great :) Great enough that we just purchased our first home together. My step son is 17 and in high school so he still lives with us. And BIL still lives with us but things have gotten so much better. We had a talk with him about doing his fair share, and his rent went up a little bit after we purchased the home. The main problem I had with BIL was laziness and messiness. But other than that he’s never home. So as long as he cleans up after himself it’s like he’s not even here. We’ve always been at a point where we don’t NEED him to live here financially. It was just easier. Before my husband bought his shop he has now things were a little bit harder, but now that he owns his own shop he’s making a lot more and it’s a more steady income. We could get by without BIL but like I said he’s never here. As long as he’s cleaning up after himself I’m happy. Still don’t know how that’s relevant to this post though. If y’all were just curious then I understand. But Wisey turned the whole thing around basically saying my roommate and job are the reasons I’m worried about my best friend. But that’s just not the case.

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