Confused/hurt

Long story short,

I’ve been dating someone for about two years now. We’ve been arguing pretty frequently. When we are on good terms, he is not very sexual. It’s very rare that he even initiates sex with me. When it does happen, it’s quick, doesn’t hold much meaning or passion, etc. I told him my feelings about this and how I want to be intimate more and try different things, and he says that what we do is basically enough. I am 30, he is 37. I’m not sure what to think or feel anymore because I feel neglected in that department. Is this just who he is?

Sorry to hear this. What are the arguments about? Was he always this way? Did you recently move in together? Talking at him hasn't helped. Be busy, very busy. Spruce up your health, fitness, wardrobe, social life. Be mysterious. Let him wonder. Stop begging for sex. Use action, not talk, begging or arguing.

We are not engaged. Just boyfriend/girlfriend. Of course in the beginning, like any relationship, it was fun, pretty sexual. Then I would say the last year or so it has been so rare. I thought, new house, privacy, let’s do it all over! It seems like it’s even less now. I’m at my prime age where I’m interested in it often and I feel this is taking a toll on me. I feel unwanted, not desirable.

I posted my response below. I’m not sure if I did it correctly.

Gosh, Marie.

With all these issues " I’m not sure what to think or feel anymore because I feel neglected " and yet

We just bought a house together. We are not engaged. Just boyfriend/girlfriend.

Was there a lot of stress surrounding this? Are the arguments related to house/finance stuff or the relationship in general? Did you give up acting like you did when you first dated? It seems like a lot of complacency.

We just bought a house together.

Did you two actually buy the place together? As in both on the deed?

Also interested in answers to Wiseman's questions around what you guys have been arguing over and for how long.

In my puzzlement I can only ask: Why are you even with this person?

"When we are on good terms, he is not very sexual. It’s very rare that he even initiates sex with me. When it does happen, it’s quick, doesn’t hold much meaning or passion, etc. "

How is the road ahead looking to you, OP?

What drew you to this person?

Yes, we bought the house together and are both on the deed. We are not arguing over anything financially. It seems we’ve just been budding heads with pretty much everything lately. He just has no substance to him anymore. Very straight forward, stern. Me, I’m the complete opposite, I’m very passionate, thorough, etc. what I do know, is that his past was pretty sexual. If he has such a sexual past, why can’t I experience that with him? Why can’t he explore with me?

Marie.

I am concerned you bought a house together, given these circumstances.

It does not bode well.

"If he has such a sexual past, why can’t I experience that with him? Why can’t he explore with me?

Sadly, the attraction is gone.

Well, you already told him how you feel and he hasn't cared enough to please you or to even come to a consensus. Either he has a lower libido than you and you're seeing his real self after the initial period of newness, or he has built up anger or other irritations with you which causes him to not want to share that closeness with you.

In some cases, I'd suggest couples counseling. In your case, he doesn't seem to give a crap, so I'd say either sell the house or one of you can buy the other out of the house. You deserve someone who cares.

I'm sorry, but he does not care. You need to find someone much better. He won't change.

Yes, this is who he is.

Expecting him to change at this point is just setting yourself up for disappointment. It sounds like he's very emotionally checked-out and just not interested in you anymore, I'm afraid to say. I would explore your options about ending it and settling out property matters.

When did the arguments start? Was sex amazing up until you bought a house together? How long were you with him when you bought the house?

Why did you buy a house with him? For what purpose? To get ahead in the real estate market?

It’s a financial committment people make when otherwise committed? Usually?

You are only together 2 years.

I don’t understand???

It sounds like you're focusing a lot on the relationship. Tension and arguments start to build when people feel like they're under a microscope.

What are you doing for yourself outside of bf/gf? Ie. are you still engaged with your hobbies and do you still make time for yourself outside of the relationship? Do you still take care of your health and your appearance regardless of what he thinks or does?

Are both of you employed? What are your schedules like?

Sounds like he has some buyer's remorse...too much commitment, he got cold feet...probably wanted out for quite awhile now. The only thing to do is to confront him on what is going on and ask what does he want....does he want to part ways?