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Thread: I've found out that a good friend I've been sexting with, is married

  1. #1

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    I've found out that a good friend I've been sexting with, is married

    So a few weeks ago, I met someone online and we immediatly hit it off. Just having a really good time together, playing games, after a while even flirting with each other at times and that lead to us sexting and sending photos as well. We have agreed that it's just as good friends and that he doesn't want me to hold myself available for him as he lives on the other side of the world. He as also reassured me that we will still be friends when I get a boyfriend and I won't be able to do all the extra sexting stuff with him anymore because of that. He messages me a lot, even during times I expected him to be busy. He has messaged me a few times, first thing when he wakes up. He has asked me so much when I will be on and when I'll be able to talk to him. He has asked me personal questions and has often said he hates how we can't be in the same room and asked why I live in a different country. So that left me wondering wether his 'we can't be more than friends' speech, was meant more for himself than for me. We can talk to each other about anything, I have a lot of mental health issues and he genuinly wants to hear my problems and be there for me. I don't have any friends so I'm really insecure about myself and dead scared of him finding out how boring I am and leaving like everyone else (Something I'm working on in therapy and again, something I was able to discuss with him and he was really supportive and reassuring). A few days ago though he said he was feeling guilty because he felt he was taking advantage of my insecurity. He didn't want me to feel that he was my friend because of the photos and the sexual side and he wanted me to feel secure about him actually liking me for who I am and feeling secure that he wasn't going anywhere even without the photos and when it got back to that when I was feeling more secure, that would be fine.
    Thing is though, I found out yesterday that he is married... He has never mentioned her. I usually speak to him during the week, when he's at work, because he's 'too busy' during the weekend. Now I guess I know why. I just can't help but feel that the reason he feels guilty is because of his wife and that he lied about the whole wanting me to feel secure thing. I know I should probably confront him about this. I'm not against polyamorism, but I can't stop thinking about his wife and at the same time, I'm sick and tired of always being the good girl. I have literally no friends and now I've found this guy I can just hang out with and I'm about to lose him as well. I know there's other people out there, but it's literally taken me years to find one that I feel comfortable with (I'm autistic so hence the trouble with social stuff). Even if we stop the sexting stuff, I can't help but feel that his wife would feel happy about our contact. I don't know what to do anymore and after me getting screwed over ing again, I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust anyone ever again. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. You need to end it. It sounds like he's a catfish, scammer and at best a liar/cheater. He could be using your images for a porn ring, etc. Delete and block him asap. Never personal questions or send sexting photos to someone you do not know.

    It would be better to get on some dating apps and meet real live local single men.
    Originally Posted by Cathy93
    St lead to us sexting and sending photos as well.

    He didn't want me to feel that he was my friend because of the photos and the sexual side

    Even if we stop the sexting stuff

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    If you were someone's wife, would you be okay with your husband sexting someone else?

    Even if you were, most women would not be okay with it. His wife deserves respect. You didn't know about her before, so it's not your fault. But you know about her now. That means that if you continue, you are now choosing to do harm to another woman by engaging in an affair with her husband.

    It's bad enough that she has a horrible husband like this and treats her this badly, but you will become apart of treating her badly if you continue talking to this guy.
    She doesn't deserve that and no woman should have to live with that. It's a terrible place to be in and very heartbreaking.

    It's no different than helping a criminal commit a crime.

    He's not the right man for you and you should block him.

    There are websites designed for people that deal with autism and you can either find friends or potential dates.

    Google dating sites for autistic people.
    You can find a potential date there or friends, or both.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    PS: In the future, don't trust so easily and try harder to get to know who you are actually talking to and if they are actually single BEFORE you flirt or sext.

    Talking to men on the other side of the world isn't helpful either as they can lie about everything since they are so far away. Try to talk to someone local or at least in the same country as you.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Please tell me the photos you sent didn't include your face...

  7. #6
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    This has nothing to do with your "mental health issues," yet has everything to do with using you to provide him with entertainment for his own selfish reasons. In addition to that, you have no idea where your nude photos could land, as in selling them, posting on porn sites, etc.

    A married man who cheats on his wife is far from a catch. With that said, you never experienced a loss, but you did dodge a bullet. As soon as he knows you're on to him, he'll move on to the next victim. Hopefully you'll block him, and take the lesson with you.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    If you were someone's wife, would you be okay with your husband sexting someone else?

    Even if you were, most women would not be okay with it. His wife deserves respect. You didn't know about her before, so it's not your fault. But you know about her now. That means that if you continue, you are now choosing to do harm to another woman by engaging in an affair with her husband.

    It's bad enough that she has a horrible husband like this and treats her this badly, but you will become apart of treating her badly if you continue talking to this guy.
    She doesn't deserve that and no woman should have to live with that. It's a terrible place to be in and very heartbreaking.

    It's no different than helping a criminal commit a crime.

    He's not the right man for you and you should block him.

    There are websites designed for people that deal with autism and you can either find friends or potential dates.

    Google dating sites for autistic people.
    You can find a potential date there or friends, or both.
    "If you were someone's wife, would you be okay with your husband sexting someone else?

    Even if you were, most women would not be okay with it. His wife deserves respect. You didn't know about her before, so it's not your fault. But you know about her now. That means that if you continue, you are now choosing to do harm to another woman by engaging in an affair with her husband."

    ^^^ I totally agree with this. Have the good sense to leave him alone. He's married. Don't be the one who will cause trouble (or more trouble). You are participating in an emotional affair. I imagine you realise this. Please forget him and block him. This is not a good situation.

  9. #8
    Silver Member BecxyRex's Avatar
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    He’s bored of his marriage and is looking for an ego boost on the side. Nothing more to it. You’re worth more than that..

  10. #9
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You got conned by him. He's married and you need to block and delete him from your phone and all social media. Do NOT be taking your clothes off or exposing your body for random people online. You have no idea where your photos and videos can and will end up. They are out there forever.

    I think you need to talk to your therapist about this and work thru what motivated you to show yourself to a stranger. He is not a good friend like you said in your subject of your post. He's a con artist who took advantage of you.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cathy93
    I have literally no friends and now I've found this guy I can just hang out with and I'm about to lose him as well. I know there's other people out there, but it's literally taken me years to find one that I feel comfortable with (I'm autistic so hence the trouble with social stuff). Even if we stop the sexting stuff, I can't help but feel that his wife would feel happy about our contact. I don't know what to do anymore and after me getting screwed over ing again, I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust anyone ever again.
    Sorry to tell you this, but he is not your friend. Friends do not lie to each other or mislead each other. If you take your self pity out of the equation, you will realize that you are waaaaaaaay better off without a person like this in your life. As the saying goes, "with friends like this, who needs enemies?"

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