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Is he guilty?


TSimp89

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In the past 8 years.. My boyfriend has left me several times, many times during his "away time" whilst at a family members house he would assure me that he didnt want to be with anyone else, he needed time to get himself together, and/or he wanted to be away until we could regain trust in our relationship. He has always been a liar, from money to other women.

 

Everytime he has been away he has been on craigslist and a million dating profiles exchanging pictures etc.. Claiming that there was never ang sexual contact.. Which i would like to believe but its extremely difficult.. He will lie until after hours or days or weeks of grilling him he finally confesses that he actually did these things.

 

CURRENT ISSUE::: We got back together after he left for a month last year.. In this year there have been ALOT of patterns in repetition but i have also noticed many changes and him wanting to change.

 

Last night.. I wanted to help him set up his fb page for his TechRepair business.. And i wanted him yo have a business number so i downloaded TextNow on his phone.. It said he already had an account so i logged in. I THEN SEE THAT HE HAS BEEN CORRESPONDING WITH WHAT APPEARS TO BE A FAKE CHICK FROM A DATING/HOOKUP APP. He tells me.. Clearly thats fake.. WHILE SHE MAY BE FAKE HIS RESPONSES ARE REALLY FROM HIM. He says.. "Are you in West Virginia?"(this was on the day he was completing a job in West Virginia] he then says "i like the way you are shaped for real " [in response to her picture] ... The next thing he said was "I live in Virginia" (which we do)

 

Upon discovering THIS.. I went into his email where he responded to 2 sex ads/craigslist ads.. Im so mad im not sure.. He says it wasnt him. Ive been googling to see if spam could do that.. But it doesnt appear that hacking/spam would be going back and forth with anyone.. Rather the spam would email from his email to others for phishing

 

He acted sorry at first but mostly like an .. Then before he left for work he acted sorry but this was at 8am.. It is now 915pm.. I know hes been done with work for quite a while[job in west virginia]

 

I haven't texted/ called and neither has he. I feel like i did alot of forgiving in the past.. Because there was room for growth. In the past year.. He has taken accountability for his past mistakes.. Been much more honest... And with this happening i dont feel like there is any more potential in this relationship.

 

We have 2 sons together .. Its been 8 years.. But i would hate to spend any more time on this JUST to get these same results. Is there anyway he DIDNT partake in this? It seems impossible that it wasnt him yet he wont admit to and i WILL NOT LET ME MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A CRAZY PERSON BECAUSE HE REFUSES TO OWN UP TO HIS ACTIONS!

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Why do you keep going back to him? Do you have some idea that you have to have an "intact" family? Please don't say it's because you "love him!!!!"

 

You know for a fact he will continue this behavior, bringing God knows what STDs and other illnesses (hello, pandemic!). If you stay with him it needs to be with full understanding and acceptance of his cheating behaviors.

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I was completely finished with him last time he left. And i had zero emotional strings. When he had started therapy and came and finally took accountability for his actions and apologized after all the years.. I thought it might be worth a shot. I feel like i will be able to handle this breakup so much better than any in the past

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For the sake of your kids and your well being, i hope you do get the courage to move on from this.

Your partner should be a person who he is a hero to the kids, a man of values and respect.

I hope he can go back to therapy or counselling for being a good parent at least.

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Looks like it's at the point of him getting too comfortable with disrespecting you, along with knowing there are no consequences as a result of his actions. Rather than allowing him to play you for a fool, you're better off coming to the conclusion of this is who he is.

 

Ask yourself what kind of morals/values is he instilling in your kids. In short, I hope you make the right choices.

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The best predictor of future behaviour is relevant past behaviour. Think about that.

 

This guy is a liar and a cheat and you know that. What's so wonderful about him that you keep him around? He needs to be shown the door and removed from your life. He sounds like a terrible person.

 

Dont tell me you love him, this is not love.

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WILL NOT LET ME MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A CRAZY PERSON BECAUSE HE REFUSES TO OWN UP TO HIS ACTIONS!

 

You also need to stop making yourself feel like a crazy person for going back to someone who has shown you repeatedly that he doesn't love you and doesn't respect you.

 

This is so incredibly dysfunctional. You know he's lying, once again. As you said, there isn't any potential left in this relationship. It's time for you to end it, and model healthier family behaviour for your children. Co-parent. But don't ever again let this man mistreat you. You and he both need to setting better examples for your children so they don't grow up to be like him nor thinking a woman should tolerate this from her partner.

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I was completely finished with him last time he left. And i had zero emotional strings. When he had started therapy and came and finally took accountability for his actions and apologized after all the years.. I thought it might be worth a shot. I feel like i will be able to handle this breakup so much better than any in the past

 

Clearly, this is who he is. He will never change.

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You weren't "completely finished" or you wouldn't have taken him back yet again, accountability and apologies or not. His words were empty and just a bunch of BS to get you to accept him back.

 

Expect the same thing to happen the next time you decide it's "worth a shot".

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i WILL NOT LET ME MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A CRAZY PERSON BECAUSE HE REFUSES TO OWN UP TO HIS ACTIONS!

 

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh yes you will.

 

You've been feeling like a crazy person for eight years. Why stop now?

 

You've actually behaved like a crazy person for staying with a known liar for eight years. Of course you're going to feel like one.

 

What are you doing, girl??? This makes no sense.

 

The problem is, you're a liar, too. You lie to yourself:

 

I was completely finished with him last time he left. And i had zero emotional strings.
^^If this was true, you wouldn't be in the situation you're in right now.

 

Hold yourself up to a real standard. Get honest with yourself. Then you will be able to expect honesty from other people. Not this BS 'partial' honesty which is actually not honesty at all.

 

Stop the insanity.

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He's a serial cheater. Why you kept going back, I have no idea.

 

He likes to mess around, he's a compulsive liar and he has no conscience over doing it, otherwise he wouldn't have kept on like he has.

 

I"m sure some part of you knows he's guilty but for some reason you keep looking the other way.

 

He's a cheater. A tiger doesn't change it's stripes.

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You teach people how to treat you and what you'll put up with, everytime they treat you badly. You either teach them that you will not tolerate it, or your teach them that you're a pushover and you'll take them back so they can do it again.

 

You've taught this man to disrespect you, to cheat on you, and that you'll forgive him and take him back, for both of you to pretend it's not happening when it's gone on all along.

 

He knows he can cheat, behave badly, and lie to you, because he knows you'll keep taking it.

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