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Thread: Serious? Limbo? What does he feel about me?

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by sputnik78
    Thank you for asking.

    He is surprisingly stable atm but we can only hope that is stays that way for a while.
    Good. It so is so challenging for everyone who are dealing with cancer.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by sputnik78
    Thank you for your wishes and your support ❤️

    I‘ll try.
    My family needs me anyway and i can not put too much energy elsewhere atm.
    I think that this is a good plan.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    He's interested but he's not willing to over-invest when it may mean hassle and heartache later. I'm not seeing anywhere that he's not interested in you.

    It's a good time now to think about whether long distance seems appealing to you.

    I think he's not responding to you because there's nothing to say and to say more is to over-invest. That's what he just told you he is hesitant doing, not knowing his future plans.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    If he didn't like you he wouldn't ask you out, or hug you or anything. He is into you IMO, just not invested because you only had a few dates. He said he is at a crossroad with life/career. Here you are in front of him again, and he was trying to work something out with you and his new job....but he already had a bad experience with a long distance, which is making this whole situation difficult. It's just bad timing, and too much to ask someone to wait. So he's backed off. I'm pretty sure he's quite disappointed things couldn't be different.
    I agree with this. I would quit trying to read tea leaves. I would have likely told him that I'm capable of getting to know people without investing in future promises. If he's got at least 6 months here, that's plenty of time to learn whether we share great simpatico, or not. So if decides that he'd like to spend time with me during this stressful and uncertain period, he's welcome to reach out. If not, then I can appreciate that, and no harm, no foul.

    It makes no sense to impose such heavy duty future-talk on dating a relative stranger. Either we can enjoy the simpatico we have on a human level without heavy expectations, or it will fizz on it's own. I wouldn't be ready to get sexual with someone I know this casually in the first place, so it's not as though his future plans must factor into anything, anyway.

    Don't beat yourself up about your past choices with this guy. If it was ever a meant to be a deal, it will work out. If not, then whether you waited out his postponement last round or not, it wouldn't have worked out then, either.

    Head high, and give him the option of getting out of his own way to keep things simple. Either he'll respond to that with enthusiastic plans to see you again, or he won't. If not, you won't hold the same regrets for not playing things out to see where they land. You'll have learned the outcome no matter WHEN it landed on the calendar.

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  6. #25
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    Thank you guys again.
    We have been in touch through whatsapp this weekend.
    He really is very stressed about his decisions and he is very respectful And honest towards me.
    So he needs to figure out which road to take and he wrote „be sure you have some influence in this“

    I told him that if he decided to stay i would probably allow myself to fall in love
    And if he decided to go home id do my best to be a friend
    Which he replied to: same here...and that i would deserve more than a careerwise frustrated version if himself and thats why he‘ll stay if he has some confidence that wont be the case.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Sounds like you're still in limbo.

    What is it about him that makes you want to put your life on hold while letting him decide your own future? I would have told him to take a hike.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    What is it about a wishy washy guy that you are so attracted to?

    That's a serious question.

    At other ages and stages of life, I might have been sucked into this limbo drama. Like the guy is so deep, so complicated, and in touch with his emotions. My thoughts were, once we get through this hurdle, he'll make a decision and we'll be happy.

    Honestly, that never happened. These guys never changed, never became strong in their resolve and eventually, I was exhausted from all their drama with hurt feelings, a broken heart, and a whole host of other things to heal within.

    For some reason I always thought I was strong enough or something, that I could somehow make it work with the guy.

    Fortunately, yes fortunately, my journey brought me through so much BS, that I learned. And you'll learn, too.

    You can post here as much as you want and we can advise you over and over. You're gonna see things the way you want. You're gonna connect the dots to your goal through your own hope... but Its just a matter of how long you'll deal with this before you realize-- you are too good to be waiting in the wings for anyone. And a maybe, an undecided from him, is a no from you.

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