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Thread: Thinking of breaking up, but not 100% sure

  1. #11
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    For what itís worth, I definitely also think you should break up. You sound like a lot more fun than she is, ha. I say just let her down gently ó you can talk about how the feelings arenít there and general lifestyle incompatibility. But the kid thing is a huge dealbreaker, and a pretty reasonable one for any ending relationship. So that can be a point of focus. Good luck out there!

  2. #12
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    You guys are definitely not a match. You also don't seem to respect or admire her.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    You guys are definitely not a match. You also don't seem to respect or admire her.
    Agree. Why stay with someone that you feel such disdain for?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
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    Thinking of breaking up, but not 100% sure
    - Seeing this said enough... Obviously you are in Doubt. Why even consider continuing if you are feeling this?

    You have been involved 4 months.. Yes, is usually within the 6 mos time, that we can tell if there is something there.. or not.
    And so often things come to and end.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by SooSad33
    Thinking of breaking up, but not 100% sure
    - Seeing this said enough... Obviously you are in Doubt. Why even consider continuing if you are feeling this?

    You have been involved 4 months.. Yes, is usually within the 6 mos time, that we can tell if there is something there.. or not.
    And so often things come to and end.
    I know right?! Thats what I'm thinking too but its hard to figure out, I really don't have a ton of experience with relationships and I have a natural tendency to procrastinate on heavy decisions. I want to make sure I am making a wise decision and not just being too picky. The difficulty comes in where I realize she treats me better than most of the other women I have dated in the past. Part of me feels like I've landed a keeper for the good reasons, I want that quality in someone that I'm crazier about though. Another part of me thinks I might be settling for less than I've hoped for out of a scarcity mindset.

    Maybe I'm getting better though. Maybe I'm closer to finding the one that I'm looking for than I've ever been before. I've got to just keep putting it out there from my soul what I want in a partner and stay connected to that. One of the important lessons I returned from a past dmt trip with was that if I just trust my instinct on what is right, that I find the decision is easy and obvious, and that the only thing making it hard is the hesitancy to make that decision, created from the second guessing of the initial instinct.
    If I had listened closer on this I would probably have left the relationship after the first month.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If you need hallucinogenic drug trips to decide if you want to date someone perhaps it's time to admit you're not compatible.

    Don't just coast along stringing people along because it's the easy (lazy) way out. Take responsibility for your actions.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    If you need hallucinogenic drug trips to decide if you want to date someone perhaps it's time to admit you're not compatible.
    Haha well that happened years ago but its still applicable. Whats been most helpful though is being able to talk about it with all of you and see the feedback. Since Jane and I share the same friends I'm not about to go unloading all this on someone who may end up talking to her the next day.
    You all have helped me think more clearly about the issue and I'm grateful for that.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=Wateroflife;7233685]I know right?! Thats what I'm thinking too but its hard to figure out, I really don't have a ton of experience with relationships and I have a natural tendency to procrastinate on heavy decisions. I want to make sure I am making a wise decision and not just being too picky. The difficulty comes in where I realize she treats me better than most of the other women I have dated in the past. Part of me feels like I've landed a keeper for the good reasons, I want that quality in someone that I'm crazier about though. Another part of me thinks I might be settling for less than I've hoped for out of a scarcity mindset.

    Maybe I'm getting better though. Maybe I'm closer to finding the one that I'm looking for than I've ever been before. I've got to just keep putting it out there from my soul what I want in a partner and stay connected to that. One of the important lessons I returned from a past dmt trip with was that if I just trust my instinct on what is right, that I find the decision is easy and obvious, and that the only thing making it hard is the hesitancy to make that decision, created from the second guessing of the initial instinct.
    If I had listened closer on this I would probably have left the relationship after the first month.[
    /QUOTE],

    I whole heartedly agree and believe the way to happiness to follow one's own instincts. We all know what is right for us. Unfortunately, we live our whole lives being influenced with info that causes us to not trust ourselves.

    It takes a lot of self work. Some techniques do involve hallucinations through drugs. However, for those clutching their pearls, it's not the only way. It's about listening to yourself and acting on those thoughts, over and over until it's automatic.

    As you move closer to your true self and reject what doesn't align, the more you find things align.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Wateroflife
    I know right?! Thats what I'm thinking too but its hard to figure out, I really don't have a ton of experience with relationships and I have a natural tendency to procrastinate on heavy decisions. I want to make sure I am making a wise decision and not just being too picky. The difficulty comes in where I realize she treats me better than most of the other women I have dated in the past. Part of me feels like I've landed a keeper for the good reasons, I want that quality in someone that I'm crazier about though. Another part of me thinks I might be settling for less than I've hoped for out of a scarcity mindset.

    Maybe I'm getting better though. Maybe I'm closer to finding the one that I'm looking for than I've ever been before. I've got to just keep putting it out there from my soul what I want in a partner and stay connected to that. One of the important lessons I returned from a past dmt trip with was that if I just trust my instinct on what is right, that I find the decision is easy and obvious, and that the only thing making it hard is the hesitancy to make that decision, created from the second guessing of the initial instinct.
    If I had listened closer on this I would probably have left the relationship after the first month.
    In the future I'd determine right away the person's stance on drug use since that is so important to you. I can relate -it was a dealbreaker for me if a person used illegal drugs or had an alcohol problem or smoked so I'd figure that out asap and move on as needed.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    She sounds like a pretty cool person.....for somebody else. OK so you are looking for what to tell her. I think you should say during these isolating times we all are looking for some comfort/companionship, and that is what you found with her...loving, caring. It's that your lifestyles are so different and not being compatible, You feel this isn't going to work for the long haul. There are too many things missing, and you don't expect her to change, that isn't right. You both would be better off with whom you were meant to be rather than selfishly stay out of loneliness.

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