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Thread: Second chance?

  1. #1
    Bronze Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    Second chance?

    I had first met this guy when I was 16, during my summer vacation. We used to meet every summer, there was always flirting going on between us but it never became much more. We had just kissed once. He was one year younger and quite shy and so was I at the time. At some point I stopped going to that place and we lost touch.

    Fast forward 30 years. 3 years ago I started vacationing there again. Met many old friends...and him. I was single, he was married with 2 grown-up kids. He told me that for years he would drive by my (summer) house and always wondered about me. It was great catching up with him but I didn't expect anything (naturally). I never got to meet his wife, she never came with him to the beach or to outings with other friends.

    During the winter we just kept in touch here and there. His cousin who's like a sister to him and I have become close friends and she would talk about him sometimes.

    Then, the unexpected happened. Last summer, his wife died suddenly. Of course, I called to give him my condolences and we started communicating some more. From his cousin I've learned that he and his wife had been separated for the last 4 years, that all the family knew about it and that they stayed together for their kids.

    This past winter I met him 4-5 times, always in social gatherings.

    And this brings me to today. I'm at my summer house, his cousin and he are at the same town and we're all together every day. There's always chemistry between us, we talk all the time, he buys me coffee, drinks, lunch, no matter how much I protest and it seems like he's interested in more.

    Do you think there's a chance for us?

  2. #2
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    So I don't see where there was a "first chance" but what I would do is ask him out on a date - are you sure there's no other woman in the picture?

  3. #3
    Bronze Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    So I don't see where there was a "first chance" but what I would do is ask him out on a date - are you sure there's no other woman in the picture?
    Back then, I had a major crush on him and he seemed to like me, too but I was never sure about him. I only realized he cared when we met again and I found out he remembers every little detail...things I had forgotten myself..from clothes I used to wear to things I'd said to songs I used to like.

    I'm sure there's noone else because he had gone away for a weekend in June (he had posted pics on f/b) and he was alone (I asked him).

    I'm not sure but I think last night we did have a date. We went out alone (the cousin didn't come) he bought me dinner, he paid me many compliments etc. But he didn't make any moves to kiss me. I wonder if I should.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Slow down. If and when he's ready for more, you'll know. It doesn't matter if he was separated prior to being widowed.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I'd be myself, but let him take the lead of anything that would or could happen.

    I'm sure you're all having a good time together and you don't want to ruin that or make it weird. It's been 30 years what's the rush?

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    I'd be myself, but let him take the lead of anything that would or could happen.

    I'm sure you're all having a good time together and you don't want to ruin that or make it weird. It's been 30 years what's the rush?
    I agree. Also it means absolutely nothing that he went away alone in June and posted photos. Perhaps the woman he is dating or wants to date wasn't available, etc. I agree with Lambert given what you've shared.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He's at the stage where he is socializing and adjusting. Try to slow down. Recent widowers tend to get inundated with single women looking to comfort and be with them.

    He can probably sense you want more, but try to remember he is recently widowed. He has his kids grief and a ton of other things to contend with right now.
    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    Last summer, his wife died suddenly. There's always chemistry between us, we talk all the time, he buys me coffee, drinks, lunch, no matter how much I protest and it seems like he's interested in more.

  9. #8
    Bronze Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    He can probably sense you want more, but try to remember he is recently widowed. He has his kids grief and a ton of other things to contend with right now.
    I disagree with the first part (he's the one who acts like he wants more - always sitting next to me, even in big groups, talking to me all the time, calling me, reminding me about the past, always paying for me, complimenting me on my looks, my personality etc.) but I do agree with the second part.

    I'll just let him take the lead and see what, if anything, happens.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    I disagree with the first part (he's the one who acts like he wants more - always sitting next to me, even in big groups, talking to me all the time, calling me, reminding me about the past, always paying for me, complimenting me on my looks, my personality etc.) but I do agree with the second part.

    I'll just let him take the lead and see what, if anything, happens.
    He might be interested in flirting and finds you attractive. He's been around the block. He knows how to ask a woman out. I am sure knew you had a crush on him. If he is interested in dating you he will ask you out on a date. That's different from interest in flirting. Ask him out if that's your thing and you're comfortable doing most of the asking out. (I wouldn't be but that's me).

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    I disagree with the first part (he's the one who acts like he wants more - always sitting next to me, even in big groups, talking to me all the time, calling me, reminding me about the past, always paying for me, complimenting me on my looks, my personality etc.) but I do agree with the second part.

    I'll just let him take the lead and see what, if anything, happens.
    Don't fall in this trap. I've had men flirt and act like they were interested but never ask me out. Then at some point, I'd see them interact with someone they did ask out.

    My point is.... people are actually really simple. When someone likes us and is interested, we know. When they donít its confusing... because we make it confusing. Looking for signs, analyzing their every move.

    All self-inflicted bs. Be above that. Only entertain more, if he presents that option. Am I being sexist? Maybe. I have found love and romance is easier when its the guy's idea.

    My theory is, men fall in love or they don't. Women may grow into love.

    That doesn't mean you can't be your sexy, flirty self, lots of great eye contact, lingering, little hand touches etc...

    Have fun & be the great woman that you are... confident, funny, vulnerable.... in time you'll see what's meant to be.

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