Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
Results 21 to 24 of 24

Thread: Level of abusiveness?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    Somewhere Out There
    Age
    38
    Posts
    2,030
    Gender
    Female
    Iím sorry youíre going through this.

    Itís harder when itís family. I was abused by my oldest brother when I was 7 and him 14. I donít see or speak to him unless thereís family gatherings. Even then I still keep my distance. When youíve been treated poorly by someone whose supposed to have your back itís conflicting.

    I think you need to look at your father as someone who had so many issues, that it was never you personally. Itís easy to carry around guilt and ask why they did what they did to you.

    Since your father is dying I can see why you want to make peace. You just have to accept this may not be peace you can make with him but only for yourself. It may even happen after heís gone.

    Iím sorry itís tough and I wish you hadnít gone through it. You came out on top! You have a wonderful family you made of your own.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    11,230
    Gender
    Female
    I think the question you need to ask yourself is what will give you peace? What can you live with in peace? Then act accordingly.

    Basically, if being there for him in his last days will let you let go and move on feeling well about that decision, then do it. If cutting him off completely will let you feel good and move on, then do it. Or pretty much any variation or combination in between. It's a question you have to answer for yourself - what choice can you make today that will allow you to move into your future in peace.

    To answer your original question.....anyone who has ever been abused normalized it to some extent. It is necessary for the victim's sanity and survival. How much normalized, it doesn't even matter. Enough to make it to another day. What matters is that it allowed you to move on and have a healthy marriage, a child, a loving committed relationship. You've achieved more than most in many ways despite so many challenges.

    As your parents are reaching the end of their journey, choose from your heart how you say goodbye and what you choose to do. In the end, that's what will give you peace. Trying to be logical or rational or analytical about that doesn't really work and will only leave you with regrets and guilt.

  3. #23
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    53
    Posts
    38,151
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by limichelle
    Iím sorry youíre going through this.

    Itís harder when itís family. I was abused by my oldest brother when I was 7 and him 14. I donít see or speak to him unless thereís family gatherings. Even then I still keep my distance. When youíve been treated poorly by someone whose supposed to have your back itís conflicting.

    I think you need to look at your father as someone who had so many issues, that it was never you personally. Itís easy to carry around guilt and ask why they did what they did to you.

    Since your father is dying I can see why you want to make peace. You just have to accept this may not be peace you can make with him but only for yourself. It may even happen after heís gone.

    Iím sorry itís tough and I wish you hadnít gone through it. You came out on top! You have a wonderful family you made of your own.
    Thank you so much . It is difficult and I would like peace before he goes .

  4. #24
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    53
    Posts
    38,151
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    I think the question you need to ask yourself is what will give you peace? What can you live with in peace? Then act accordingly.

    Basically, if being there for him in his last days will let you let go and move on feeling well about that decision, then do it. If cutting him off completely will let you feel good and move on, then do it. Or pretty much any variation or combination in between. It's a question you have to answer for yourself - what choice can you make today that will allow you to move into your future in peace.

    To answer your original question.....anyone who has ever been abused normalized it to some extent. It is necessary for the victim's sanity and survival. How much normalized, it doesn't even matter. Enough to make it to another day. What matters is that it allowed you to move on and have a healthy marriage, a child, a loving committed relationship. You've achieved more than most in many ways despite so many challenges.

    As your parents are reaching the end of their journey, choose from your heart how you say goodbye and what you choose to do. In the end, that's what will give you peace. Trying to be logical or rational or analytical about that doesn't really work and will only leave you with regrets and guilt.
    Thank you that was a very beautiful post and it gives me hope that there will be peace for me before my dad leaves this world.

  5.  

Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •