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Thread: Level of abusiveness?

  1. #11
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Does he bring anything positive to your life?
    99.9 % of the time, no.

  2. #12
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    Might be something to consider for your well being.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Close this door, heal. Don't remain in contact with him. If you find yourself having painful and anxious thoughts, think about your immediate family that you've built and cherish your family now. Looking back like this isn't healthy.

    If there are unresolved issues, work them out but don't keep dwelling on them. You have to refocus and get back to the present moment, come back to your family.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Close this door, heal. Don't remain in contact with him. If you find yourself having painful and anxious thoughts, think about your immediate family that you've built and cherish your family now. Looking back like this isn't healthy.

    If there are unresolved issues, work them out but don't keep dwelling on them. You have to refocus and get back to the present moment, come back to your family.
    He hasnít got a lot of time left to live, so this will resolve itself in a few years. Unfortunately, both my parents have fatal conditions and will be gone in a few years.

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  6. #15
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    Have you ever noticed that those who treat loyalty as of the utmost of importance in personal relationships are the ones who behave in a variety of unacceptable ways and use the idea of loyalty to avoid being abandoned? People who are good and loving never really talk about family loyalty -- they don't have to.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I feel like since my father didn't have loyalty to the children HE chose to create, I don't owe him any loyalty. He literally did not care if we ate, had adequate clothing or if we were healthy. He actually said he didn't know why our mother expected him to take care of those things. He told her to ask her family for money to provide for us. He's selfish and self absorbed.

    I would ask, if he was not your father and knowing the qualities he has, would you choose to befriend him or have a romantic relationship with him? Would you feel obligated to be loyal to him?

    And I totally get how it is much more complicated because he is your parent. We all want to love and be loved by our parents. But we also have to look out for our own mental and emotional health because they for sure are not going to.

  8. #17
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    I think that you need to be honest with yourself to understand what you get by remaining in contact.

    This is not a healthy connection.

    You have done so well with your relationship with your family, despite this painful upbringing. I think that that is amazing!
    Last edited by Hollyj; 08-10-2020 at 03:24 PM.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by arjumand
    Have you ever noticed that those who treat loyalty as of the utmost of importance in personal relationships are the ones who behave in a variety of unacceptable ways and use the idea of loyalty to avoid being abandoned? People who are good and loving never really talk about family loyalty -- they don't have to.
    Oh my dad never talked about loyalty. My mom taught me about loyalty through her actions and life.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I feel like since my father didn't have loyalty to the children HE chose to create, I don't owe him any loyalty. He literally did not care if we ate, had adequate clothing or if we were healthy. He actually said he didn't know why our mother expected him to take care of those things. He told her to ask her family for money to provide for us. He's selfish and self absorbed.

    I would ask, if he was not your father and knowing the qualities he has, would you choose to befriend him or have a romantic relationship with him? Would you feel obligated to be loyal to him?

    And I totally get how it is much more complicated because he is your parent. We all want to love and be loved by our parents. But we also have to look out for our own mental and emotional health because they for sure are not going to.
    If he was nobody to me I would not have bothered at all.

  11. #20
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I think that you need to be honest with yourself to understand what you get by remaining in contact.

    This is not a healthy connection.

    You have done so well with your relationship with your family, despite this painful upbringing. I think that that is amazing!
    Thanks!

    I think I feel sad for him and I do love him .

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