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Thread: giving up on family

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Aug 2020

    giving up on family

    hello, idk how to properly start, i just really need to rant right now

    stuck in quarantine, I have to do college thru online meetings and unfortunately im doing it from home, with my family. which doesnt necessarily unsupportive, BUT this house dynamic just went banana when I'm home. I mean, basically I've never stay at home more than a month (because I study in other city) and now its almost 6months, I really feel like this house is full of people who needs therapy.

    my mom lash out everytime i do OR dont do chores. If I do, it never meets her 'standards' if I dont, she questions my purpose on living. Even more, she just goes to TELL ME TO PRAY TO GOD. my dad just straight up being needy all the time, i mean i know he's a piece of trash and im gonna ditch him as soon as I get outta this house, but damn it becomes more and more unbearable, its like he completely disregard that I am a human being with a mind, he almost treats me like im a ing robot who he can just call and tell me to do things for him. my sister got even worse, she lives with my parents unlike me, and she believe that I have to make up for the time I never been home by DOING HER DUTY of house chores bcs "i'm tired doing chores when youre not home so now you do everything" and for the cherry on top we cant avoid each other bcs we share bedroom (i dont have my own room- they never give me since our house got renovated at the same time im going away for study)

    I really tried, I really do, to just keep up with the pace and . but it never make sense to me, and doing things that doesnt make sense really ruin my mental state, significantly. my class is gonna resume in about a month and if this keeps up i dont think i can manage to use my brain properly for my academic.

    is there anything i can really do to stay 'a bigger person' without sacrificing anything like, i really start to believe that trying to change these people behavior wont do bcs 1) old people cant change 2) will be very mental consuming for me anyway.

    i've been keeping up with breathing exercise or if I'm really stressed out i just went to porn straight away.

    thank you for reading if you reach this part, really appreciate this forum for enabling me to let things out.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Can you work and get a place with roommates?

    Why live at home with family you resent when you can get a job and a place of your own?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Quarantine should be over now as long as you mask up, and social distance. Get up early, do your chores, eat and then walk out that door and go to a mall or a park to sit for half a day...meet up with a friend. Is the Library open? I would go there for the day and study in peace.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Ontario Canada
    You need to move out even if it's into a room.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Move out!......

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Wilds of Texas
    Find some roommates or a room to rent and move out. Preferably to the city where your college is located. Get a job or financial aid or both to cover the cost of basic living. You won't be the first to live on ramen noodles as a student.

    You've got just enough time to arrange that before classes start. Lots of apartments around uni campuses actually rent by room and do roommate matching which can be really cheap as they include all utilities and internet in the package, so you pay a set rate directly to the apartment and don't have to worry about what your roommates do financially. You aren't liable except for yourself, so a pretty convenient option to explore.

    You are absolutely correct that you can't change who your parents are or the family dynamic at large. Only thing you can do is to remove yourself from it.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    I'm sorry it's gotten to this point. Living with parents is not easy. I think you should cut yourself some slack and spend some time outside of the house, regardless of whether your classes are online or not. Moving out is easier said than done if you can't support yourself or if you're not aware of deadlines for great opportunities.

    Look into working on campus - this was the easy ticket for me. I worked on campus for my first two degrees (5 years) and the housing for 5 years was paid. I was the on-residence staff (on call) so we held lots of events and created support groups for students on campus. I was in charge of several floors of the first year buildings and then moved out to the townhouses also as a leader but it was much more relaxed then with the senior students. I had the energy and the drive to really be there for the other students and it was a great experience overall.

    Find ways to make yourself useful and learn to tune out to the criticisms. They are most hurtful with family. Really, do look into on-campus opportunities and apply.


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