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Thread: My mom will be pissed if I meet my dad's new girlfriend

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Frankly, your Mom is wrong to impose her feelings and anger towards her relationship with her ex husband, onto you and your relationship with your father.

    She chose this man to have a child with. Nothing can change that. She's the mother and he's the father. Facts. Nothing you do or anything they do changes that.

    She has no right to impose anything on you to limit your interactions. He is not harming you and you are not a child that needs protecting.

    Draw a line in the sand.. "I love you, Mom. I love Dad, too." You can agree not to tell her about your Dad in any aspect. That is as far as it goes.

    This hurt and pain belongs to her to deal with, not you.

    Unfortunately, you have to come to terms with the guilt & other feelings she is putting on you. It's not easy. As much as I love my parents and I don't see them as infallible, a lot of the times I bite my tongue. Out of respect for them and all they have done for me. But I have to live my life for me. That includes my relationships.

    I would set that boundary and if she's mad... as my grandma would say- she got mad, she'll get glad. In other words leave it to her to accept and move forward. Once you stand up for the fact that you want and deserve a relationship with both parents,it will become less of an issue.

  2. #12
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    How old are you? If you're moving out, obviously you are an adult? Your Mum is being immature and spiteful. She has no right to tell you that you can't meet this woman. She's manipulating you and using you to get back at your father. Which is wrong. She can't just use you and control you like a pawn. Just do what you want. If she gets upset, tell her she's being petty and you have a right to a relationship with your Dad. And that womam is his partner and therefore an important part of his life now. And obviously their marriage was not going well and your Dad fell in love with someone else. Because his new girlfriend wasn't just sex, it became a real relationship that's going for a few years now. Your Mum needs to accept that their marriage fell apart and move on. She can't keep holding these toxic feelings forever.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I would like to know the consequences first. Would your mother kick you out (or evict you) should you meet your father and his girlfriend or will "just" an argument ensue with her? If you can afford to move out and be financially independent AND you truly want to see your father and his girlfriend, then always know there is a sacrifice which will be your already rocky relationship with your mother. Either way it will cost you.

    If your mother won't kick you to the streets and you'll just end up with a big explosive argument with her, then be prepared for this outcome. See your father and his girlfriend, end up fighting with your mother at the home front, wait for the dust to settle afterwards and predict a household filled with tension and animosity.

    As she knows that you, your father and his girlfriend are getting together periodically, remain mindful and respectful. She doesn't want to hear of your visits unless she asks, of course.

    Either way, you're toast. I'm sorry.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I'm going against the grain here. Since he met this woman out of cheating and since he disrespected your mother and so did she, I don't feel you have to meet her.

    It's not a normal meeting. It's not like your dad just met someone new and your mom doesn't want you to meet her. This woman caused your family to break up and caused massive hurt and pain to your mother.
    That should matter to you.
    If someone hurt someone I loved (especially my mother), no way am I going to be looking forward to meeting them.

    Your dad did wrong. If he wanted the relationship to be on the up and up, he should have divorced first then dated this woman. But the way they both went about it was completely destructive, to many people.

    He needs to deal with the consequences.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    I'm going against the grain here. Since he met this woman out of cheating and since he disrespected your mother and so did she, I don't feel you have to meet her.

    It's not a normal meeting. It's not like your dad just met someone new and your mom doesn't want you to meet her. This woman caused your family to break up and caused massive hurt and pain to your mother.
    That should matter to you.
    If someone hurt someone I loved (especially my mother), no way am I going to be looking forward to meeting them.

    Your dad did wrong. If he wanted the relationship to be on the up and up, he should have divorced first then dated this woman. But the way they both went about it was completely destructive, to many people.

    He needs to deal with the consequences.
    Yes and the consequence is his ex-wife loathes him (as she should). But this is his actual daughter and the mother is trying to control the daughter. She can hate him and that woman all she wants but she shouldn't dictate what her daughter can and can't do. Especially as obviously the daughter is actually an adult. She said she'll be moving out so she's obviously not under age?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Your parents' wishes aside, how do you feel about all this?
    Do you want to meet this lady? How do you feel about her, if anything at all?

    I see all this a bit differently than the responses so far. It sounds like both your parents are pressuring you to meet certain expectations they have. Your mom, that you won't want anything to do with this woman. Your dad, that you will accept her and be part of what he has with her now.
    But you don't have to do anything, except be true to you.

    I want to say too, do you have any expectations about if/when you meet her? Are you prepared for things going down in any manner of ways?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Sorry Tiny, but I don't agree. I would never try to befriend someone who hurt my mother to that degree.

    I personally wouldn't be interested in knowing this woman. She would be my fathers friend, but it doesn't mean she has to be mine.

  9. #18
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I will say my dad cheated with my aunt ( my momís brotherís wife, the woman who I knew as my aunt my whole life until I was an adult) . I never never never never never accepted the relationship ,not from pressure from my mother though but on my own. I never forgave my aunt in her lifetime ( she is passed on now. And I regretted that after her death)

    I will say decide on your own how you feel not bending to pressure from either parent.

  10. #19
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    Sherry I think there is a difference between OP being friends with this woman and just meeting her and being friendly to her. The thing is that this is her father's partner, he's been with her for a few years already. If OP joins her father on Father's Day or at Christmas for example, the partner might be there. There is no way of avoiding her really so why not just meet her and get to know her at least? How does it really help to keep avoiding it or to be rude to her?

    This is OP's father and she has obviously forgiven him and she wants a relationship with him. End of the day OP actually has to have opportunity to make her own decisions and not just be told what to do by her mother. The mother doesn't have to have anything to do with her ex-husband or the new partner, but the daughter still wants a relationship with her Dad. Let's say he ends up being with this woman for ten years and even marries her. What is OP meant to do, just blatantly ignore her?

  11. #20
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Again, I completely respect your opinion, Tiny, but I disagree. I do not friend homewreckers. I don't care who is trying to pressure me to do so, if that woman wrecked my family, I would not bend for my parent to make them feel better.

    If I wanted to see my dad, I would meet him elsewhere but I would not get involved with someone who destroyed my family. Besides the fact that my mom would have been hurt enough without having more of it due to her daughter sitting with this homewrecker.

    I'm sorry, I don't bend my standards for no one. I would never be okay with someone who did this to my family. Yeah, the father made his choice, but then he should respect the consequences that come out of it and one of them being that the daughter does not have to friend this person, nor should she be pressured to.

    Op can obviously make her own decisions, but my advice is to stay away from people who damage other people.

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